The Gold Medal Goes to...


Australia

Despite valiant efforts by many nations of the world, the winner of the competition is easy to pick. No nation on earth is so single-mindedly determined to show off the esthetic glories of the female body as the one-time colony of convicts and cockneys we know so affectionately as "Down Under." It's not a casual pastime with them; it's a full-time mission. Time and again the images from Athens attain a special sparkle when the subject is Aussie women giving their all. It doesn't matter whether the sport in question is beach volleyball...




...or field hockey...




...or soccer...



...or diving...



...or gymnastics...




...or tennis...



...or swimming...



...they seem to have some subtle but ineradicable determination to make sure  the female body is celebrated for its intrinsic beauty. Their athletic costumes are on the whole tighter, skimpier, and stretchier than anyone else's, as if the real priority is to make sure that every ab, every breast, every nipple, every gluteal, every genital is more available for appreciation than the competition is prepared to offer. The hallmark here is consistency; the female Aussie costumes are always tighter and skimpier than what their opponents are wearing. Anyone who doubts this must fall to his knees and recant when the sport of basketball comes up. Most of the world's women have followed the moronic example of the NBA, which has turned jerseys into spinnakers and shorts into circus tents. Behold....



Why would women ever want to mimic the hip-hop fashion fad of shorts dangling below the knees (and below the ass), tee shirts that balloon and sag as if the occupant were somehow too small to live up to grownup clothing? But guess what? Slavish followers that most women are, that's what they do. The sex that has bodies worth admiring for their curves and swells suppresses its native good sense to parade in trash bag fashion that hangs and droops and distorts God's most glorious creation. Except for Australia...



These are female basketball players a red-blooded man would want to see. It ceases to matter that women are slower, less brilliant, less aggressive, less everything on the court. When the Aussies are playing, there are WOMEN on the boards. Forget Iverson. I'll take the Aussie Opals every time. And so, I bet, will you.