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Archive Listing
February 8, 2006 - February 1, 2006

Monday, October 18, 2004

Sex -- It's Completely Perfect
Warning: Not Appropriate for the Work House (only your living room at 8:00 p.m.)

We cannot stop bagging on Bill O'Reilly. It has something to do with the timing -- the meeting of his ever-expanding ego with reality at just the right moment. Jim Gilliam has taken the time to record and edit our favorite leprechaun and present what many of us have long suspected. As an example, The Phil Hendrie Show bills itself as "Fair and Balanced -- Without All The Porn," which seems to capture that special something that has us scrambling for the remote everytime The Factor gets into the really hard news of the day. So, without further introduction, we direct your attention to The Sweet Jesus I Hate Bill O''s special tribute to the O'Reilly Sex Scandal. Click on the "O'SEXXXY FACTOR" logo under the October 15th post for a five minute quicktime movie (Direct Link) of greatest hits.

Sunday, October 17, 2004

More Things for Your Computer
It is not often that The Washington Post gets us some information we can use. So today, may we direct your attention to a brief mention of Google Desktop ( Source Archive). It has been running here on the plantaion for about an hour or so and has indexed 31,784 files -- it does all this in background while you work. We can find things we didn't even know we had here. Fast. You can go directly to the Google site at for more information.

Friday, October 15, 2004

Blame Your Neighbor Before He Can Blame You
Bill O'Reilly has been sued. But, the press release from Fox (pdf) and his own Talking Points Memo (Source Archive) spoke about his law suit against Ms Andrea Mackris and her attorney, Benedict P. Morelli & Associates, P.C. because they attempted to extort $60mm from him and Fox. That seems to miss the big story that he and his employers, Fox News and Westwood One, are all DEFENDANTS in an 85+ point complaint that names names and relates details that had better not be on tape or some other type of supporting evidence or Bill O'Reilly will, himself, be factored. In fact, we may be witnessing Mr. O'Reilly enjoying the first fruits of a setback -- namely, the unequaled pleasure of blaming your Setback on others ( Ned.36.8ff).

Wow, upon reading the full complaint, every word in Ms Mackris's complaint sounds exactly like something Bill O'Reilly would say -- am I wrong?!

Our thought here is that Mrs. O'Reilly will know if the complaint is real or not -- somehow. And, if she is smart, she'll get while the gettin' is good. That means before Fox figures it out and puts a severe clamp on Mr. O'Reilly's income. Right now may be the most Bill O'Reilly is worth for a long time to come. So keep an eye out for a divorce -- and, more importantly, a property settlement -- as the weeks wind on.

Some direct questions could be put to the Factor host which he could answer without impacting his standing in the case. Like -- Did you ever call Ms Mackris at home after 9:00 p.m.? Did you ever go to dinner with Ms Mackris? Did you provide professional advice to Ms Mackris? And, a more general type question, "Can you describe your relationship with Ms Mackris?" I know, you're not supposed to talk about pending litigation, but don't these questions seem harmless enough?

We here at InstaPunk don't pretend to speak for the folks and we certainly aren't looking out for anyone -- especially, you. In fact, the Chain Gang can't really even speak for InstaPunk anymore than Puck Punk can . . . some of us really hate each other and isn't that beautiful? This O'Reilly was getting on our last nerve here and we can only imagine how his whole act was playing with people that started out hating him.

Innocent until proven guilty, but, headlines, stories, features, and interviews until that day. Shamadamma.

Thursday, October 14, 2004

Being as Judeo-Christian as You Want
Talk about nuance . . . Last night, the moderator asked Sen. Kerry, "The New York Times reports that some Catholic archbishops are telling their church members that it would be a sin to vote for a candidate like you because you support a woman's right to choose an abortion and unlimited stem-cell research."

You can read the transcript (Source Archive) if you'd like, but we made a couple of flow charts so you can follow the varying approaches to law, morals, and abortion. Pretty fun, what with all the Judeo-Christianity flying around . . .

Democracy -- Meaning Rule by Apes
For those following the Electoral Vote Predictor. As of 10/14/2004, it is Bush 284 | Kerry 228 a shift in President Bush's favor from 10/7/2004 where it was Bush 264 | Kerry 253.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Hockey -- which is an excellent way . . .
Continuing to keep it goin during the anyshell lockout -- happy?

My agent was screaming at everybody last week after my first post. It was kinda funny. First, he insists he told me that it is a lockout, not a strike. He says the owners stop us from playing the hockey, not the players stopping the hockey which makes the no hockey a lockout not a strike. I think I understand.

The next thing he screamed at was the guys at InstaPunk. They changed 'anyshell' to 'NHL' which he says he says nothing is to be changed in my column and he means NOTHING. I don't see the difference but the guys say you will see what I write from now on which is good.

The lockout means the whole anyshell has meesed 122 games. I mees the hockey. My legs are getting skinnier and skinnier. I try to run but nothing like skating. My man at the bank called me Friday and asked if I wanted to cash in a CD to put in checking account. He says that will fill it back up until I play the hockey again. I told him the money was in bank. He said but it is not in checking account and that is why they didn't pay the Hummer guy for my new car. The Hummer guy was really mad at me and asked how a guy like me could bounce a $85,349 check. I told him that I did not understand, 'bounce.' He told me to call bank guy who told me about CD. Everything seems good now.

I love the Hummer. My Dad says it looks like an army truck. I say it is cool.

My InstaPunk check came today. I did not know checks could be so small. My agent told me to send to bank. I did.

One more thing I've been able to do while not playing the hockey -- watch the anyfell. Those anyfell players have all the money. I think because people in America love the football. But, why does the anyfell put up a net when the players kick the ball? The anyshell has nets, but that is because pucks go into the stands and kill people. Are they just trying to hold on to the ball -- what could it cost? Very cheap.

That's all to next week.

Monday, October 11, 2004

Arriving in North America
Happy Saint Brendanís Day! I know what you're thinking, ĎWhoís Saint Brendan and what happened to Christopher Columbus?í. Well, Iíll tell ya. You may not know it, surprise surprise, but the first man to the new world was an Irishman!

St. Brendan and his band of Irish monks set sail sometime near 500 A.D. in a small boat made of animal skins. They set up monasteries along the way (coming near Greenland and Iceland), which Norsemen later recorded finding. St. Brendan and his group finally landed on St. Brendanís Island (otherwise known as Newfoundland), before making their successful journey home. People donít know how far into America the monks traveled, but some believe they came as far as West Virginia. If you want to read the full tale, hereís the link:

Anyway, I just thought everyone should know about yet another Irishman who got the shit end of the stick when it came to the history books.

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