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January 31, 2006 - January 24, 2006

Monday, November 01, 2004


BUSH WINS ! ! !

There you go. We told you we'd be doing this on Friday. There is a sub-title that will accompany this headline Wednesday and that will be, "Sen. Kerry, please be quiet. You've said quite enough already."





Confused? Okay, let us assume that you have somehow arrived at November 1, 2004 and you are not sure who you are going to vote for -- not really possible for us here to imagine, but we're told you exist. What to do?

We thought we'd do a little research from our past work here and let you in on all the sweat and tears that is InstaPunk so you can make up your mind. We're just going to ignore Ralph Nader, since it seems most everyone else is going to do the same.

Senator Kerry Is a Coward
This entry from 9/20/2004 catalogs in extensive detail the failings of Sen. Kerry in the Courage department. So, if you want to have a coward in the White House, you would vote for Sen. Kerry. If you do not want a coward in the White House, you would vote for President Bush.

If you are a fetus, you're in luck. Both candidates seem to think you are something or other -- like, Sen. Kerry says he believes life begins at conception which would mean when you exist, so you're alive, unfortunately, for you, he won't lift a finger to help you. President Bush on the other hand, seems to think that you are alive and that you should not be killed if you get really close to getting away from your mother -- what legislators call, "partial birth abortions," but what doctors act like they've never heard of . . . President Bush is against these. Sen. Kerry is for them. So, as a fetus, or former fetus, you would have to go with President Bush. Unless you are a self-hating fetus, then you would go for Sen. Kerry. RFLaird did a thoughtful essay on the topic and the Chain Gang put up a nonsensical entry with moral flowcharts that seemed to suggest that neither candidate would be helping out many fetuses.

Context -- the election this year is in a kind of context that most voters haven't seen before, an election during a war. One campaign was full of people that hate the war and the people that fight it and the other campaign is full of people that love the war and the people that fight it. So, Undecided Voter, it is your choice here too: if you love the war, you just have to vote for President Bush, but if you hate the war, then Sen. Kerry's your man. Remember, Sen. Kerry says that he will fight the terrorists as seriously and relentlessly as he did the North Vietnamese -- which probably didn't come out just the way he wanted it to -- so the key here for the undecided voter is who will be hanging around the two pro-war candidates should they win. Restated then, if you want to hang out with people that love the war -- President Bush. People that hate the war? -- Sen. Kerry.

In keeping with this type of analysis -- see the discussion regarding Rush Limbaugh and Michael Moore.

Similarly, there is the star-power approach. You like the way someone sings or the way someone acts, so you vote the way they vote. It is the most logical approach ever. You know, George Clooney -- great fake doctor -- how is he voting? Well, InstaPunk helped all people that make decisions like this with little pieces that told us more about the celebrities as they spoke out -- Linda Ronstadt, Whoopi Goldberg, Bonnie Raitt, and -- man, we thought this guy was dead -- Bruce Springsteen. So, if you love these and many, many more rock stars, actors and actresses, you have got to go for Sen. Kerry -- they all love him. If you think that these types of people might not make the best choices in life, then you might want to go with President Bush.

Finally, to push you to one side or the other you have got to look at the candidates wives. You've seen what it is like to have Laura Bush in the White House and you'll just have to imagine what it will be like to have Theresa the Billionaire in there. We've done what we could to help you imagine it. There couldn't be a bigger difference between the candidates.

So, Undecided Voter, there you go. It couldn't seem clearer to us. It has been nice having the country run by responsible adults for the past four years. Remember, all the nit-wits that will come with a Kerry Administration. But, if you want inexperienced and incapable folks running entire sections of the federal government just because they are the right color, sex, or other demographically determined attribute -- then Sen. Kerry is your man. This year, the choice couldn't be clearer. Unless, you don't know what you think about any of the things we've talked about today. If that's the case, just stay home. Tune in here on Wednesday and we'll let you know what happened.




Friday, October 29, 2004


Thanks for Visiting
All of us on the Chain Gang would like to thank you for stopping by. The weekend lies ahead, and we're sure you have had about enough of this election -- or maybe we have. We'd like to wish you a restful time and urge you to have some fun. We'll be checking in over the weekend, but we know that most of you don't. Just leave a comment here (even if it's just your initials and a grunt) and let everyone else know you stopped by . . .

We'll be sure to predict a Bush Victory for you on Monday -- isn't it obvious at this point? Get rested up so you can wander around your neighborhood and find the polling place that will let you vote. Bring some friends with you. Voting -- what a concept?

But, if you just can't stand a day without dwelling on the big election -- Dick Morris (Source Archive) is feeling much better about President Bush's campaign and we really like reading about what dunderheads the Democrats remain.




Wednesday, October 27, 2004


Time to Lose
John Braithwaite, in his book Crime, Shame and Reintegration reports that "disintegrative shaming (i.e., shunning) does indeed create a class of outcasts. Offenders are prevented from bonding back into society, and can only become more entrenched in crime as a result of being branded a criminal."

This is not good news for Sen. John Kerry as his fellow Democrats seeking the gift of a U.S. Senate seat have been shunning (Source Archive) the good Senator. Why? Wouldn't it help to be swept into the gold mine that a U.S. Senate seat represents on the coat-tails of an overwhelming presidential victory? Evidently, that is not what these opportunity seeking politicians see as a viable result of cozing up to the Democrat nominee.

They must know something unknown to the rest of Sen. Kerry's apologists.




Monday, October 25, 2004


The Masses Are Willing to Believe Anything
Warning: the following link is extremely delusional. Not for what it hopes for -- a Sen. John Kerry/Sen. John Edwards victory -- but for what it presents as the results of such a victory. The folks at Needlenose.com have put together their highest hopes in a little flash animation that takes about 90 seconds to view. Just like a letter to Santa Clause.




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