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Friday, November 05, 2004



from USA Today

Democracy -- Meaning Rule by Apes
Whoa. A Country Divided? See Mr. Rogers.





MORE: Being as Judeo-Christian as You Want
William Donohue did a great service by gathering all the nuttiness into a pithy little post today at the Catholic League . . .

An as an update to our post yesterday, Bill O'Reilly said that Maureen Dowd made some good points -- we think he was not referring to the one good idea she did have, but we turned him off.




Thursday, November 04, 2004


Being as Judeo-Christian as You Want
TV was fun last night. Someone was running close-up pictures of various types of voting machines -- no doubt taken for the file footage that would be running while the commentator read about the latest litigation over the election -- but now just had to air for no apparent reason. Funny.

Another funny encounter was Paula Zahn interviewing Paul Begala. Begala on the talking head TV screen, Paula seated on a high rise chair looking bereaved, and a guy named Joe who blurted out to the pair of them, "You have to be able to keep two or three things in your head at one time!"

Joe turned out to be TIME Columnist Joe Klein who was trying to explain why morals are important to the people that live in most of the United States of America and he seemed to be quite frustrated by their inability to get it.

Really, Paula couldn't get it and Begala tried to explain. He said that Liberals think of themselves as intellectually superior to Conservatives and Conservatives think of themselves as morally superior to Liberals. And, each of them holds the others superiority in contempt.

Begala thought that Democrats really ought to reassess their positions on moral and cultural issues.

This might be a mighty tall order, but we thought we'd try to help.

It will involve some Bible reading which shouldn't be too hard for intellectuals. Don't worry, we've excerpted a section for your convenience, but you have to read it. Here it is: Genesis 18 and Genesis 19. It is the story of Sodom from which the word, "sodomy" finds its lineage.

Now that that is over. You have to understand a few other things. Fundamentalists believe the world is about to end -- for good. So, they tend not to get involved in political matters and usually can be ignored. But when it comes to avoiding the wrath of God, they get busy.

This year, eleven states had marriage defining questions on their ballots. Not really talked about much in the news and hardly touched on during the campaign except for everyone tipping their hats to traditional marriage and a few uncomfortable comments about Lynne Cheney.

While the campaign was whirling over the airwaves, people in Ohio were registering nearly one million new voters to defeat gay marriage and keep the flames away from their homes and towns. So, while they were in the voting booth, they voted for President Bush.

It is a small thing to understand and we hope it helps. Some mores are toppled more easily than others. It would seem that intellectual superiority should at least enable you to detect topics that will cause the morally superior to dig in their heels. And, while you figure out how to bring out a candidate that can bridge this gap, you might want to say a quite prayer that this most recent success doesn't give them any funny ideas about changing a few other things.





MAWRITES ON PARADE.
The HeadHouse Gang talked about this way back in January, 2004, but we thought we'd call out Peggy Noonan's column today as a good demonstration that she is still a little crazy . . . savor?

UPDATE:  And, Maureen Dowd goes off the rails (Source Archive) today -- although she does have one good suggestion at the end of her little rant.




Wednesday, November 03, 2004


BUSH WINS ! ! !

President Bush 58,060,704 51.1%
Senator Kerry 54,508,788 48.0%

Democracy -- Meaning Rule by Apes
Well, somebody got pretty close calling this race . . .

But, enough about us . . . Fox News and NBC called Ohio for President Bush about an hour before we all went to bed here. CBS and ABC still have not . . . the funniest moment last night was when Dan Rather appeared on the television, getting his nose closer and closer to a map, using a pointer to explain how Sen. Kerry might be able to win -- someone shouted out, "Not everyone tuning in is trying to find out how Kerry can win!"

And, No, it is not like Florida in 2000 -- Florida in 2000 was close (537 votes of nearly 6mm votes cast -- that would be less than 400 in Ohio). Fox News had Ohio Secretary of State J. Kenneth Blackwell on in the wee hours of the morning and he explained that the big push for new voters in Ohio (nearly 1mm) for this election was because of an initiative regarding marriage and the fact that it should be between a man and a woman . . . Mr. Blackwell thought that this was the cause of the large number of provisional ballots which were about 30% ahead of where they were in the last election. He thought those ballots would break close to the way the rest of the State had voted.

So, we'll fish around here for our sunken Swift boat picture and Sen. Kerry can figure out how he is going to disgrace himself one last time, but Bush-Cheney declared themselves the winners with 286 Electoral College Votes and so, InstaPunk declares President Bush the winner.





Sen. Kerry Does the Right Thing
We Found It! Previously used in our review of the first debate. Sen. Kerry does at 1:00 p.m. what he should have done at 1:00 a.m. Oh, well. What's twelve hours between friends. Good luck Sen. Kerry with all your money and free time.





Good Bye!

The Setback
Well, well, well. How could America pass up this guy? The line from the debate comes to mind today:

In response to:
Speaking of Vietnam, you spoke to Congress in 1971, after you came back from Vietnam, and you said, quote, "How do you ask a man to be the last man to die for a mistake? Are Americans now dying in Iraq for a mistake?"

Kerry responded: "No, and they don't have to, providing we have the leadership that I'm offering."

Well, thanks for the offer, but I think we're going to pass. But, considering your considerable resources and your very wealthy friends and entertainers, we're sure you are going to enjoy retirement. Just think of how much fun it is going to be to hear Sen. Edwards explain how he didn't hurt the ticket and that it was all your fault. You'll probably be the only one to remember that the kid couldn't even deliver North Carolina.

We do hope that the press will continue to provide us of photographs of you enjoying your wealth, friends, family, and time.

We thought this particular photo captured the relaxed, sunny days ahead. Best of luck.





Breakthroughs for Children
Um . . . Mr. Rather, Mr. Jennings, Mr. Moore, All of Hollywood . . . You can now stop crossing your fingers and scquinching your eyes shut and holding your breath…and take a second to remember. . . Just like MisteRoger's always told us . . . "Wishing doesn't make it so."

UPDATE: Hugh Hewitt actually uses this phrase in his 11/4 post regarding Peter Beinart's comments. Too funny.




Tuesday, November 02, 2004


Democracy -- Meaning Rule by Apes
For those that want one last look at the Electoral Vote Predictor -- here you go. As of 11/1/2004, it is Kerry 298 | Bush 231 a shift to Sen. Kerry's favor from 10/24/2004 where it was Kerry 257 | Bush 254.

Now, we're going to tell you why the Electoral Vote Predictor is wrong. Although we want to thank the folks at Electoral Vote Predictor for their work all this election season -- we sure have appreciated the fruit thereof. And, truth be told, nothing stated here will be shocking to EVP. If you take the time to read the narrative that accompanies the map, you will see how EVP regards the results that have been accumulated by their computer program.

For one thing, President Bush will win Florida. Why? First of all, the President's brother is Governor of Florida. Secondly, the President's brother is the Governor of Florida, and, finally, the President's brother is the Governor of Florida.

It's not all quite that silly, but we were urged to write this down because these valuable insights will be utterly worthless tomorrow.

Secondly, EVP has Sen. Kerry winning both Pennsylvania and Ohio. This will not happen. He can have one or the other, but not both. So, those little adjustments mean that EVP's new numbers would be Bush 279 | Kerry 250. But, it won't even be that close.

Why? Because, just looking at the Chain Gang -- we haven't voted for a Republican for President since 1992. Even then, half of us voted for Ross Perot. Sen. Bob Dole excoriated us in 1996 and we stayed home as Sen. Dole should have done. In the 2000 Presidential election -- who could care? We sure didn't. After the embarrassing impeachment proceedings and the de-fanging of the Republican Congress -- and, we mean embarrassing for the Republicans, not the two-term Democratic Party President who seemed to weather the storm just fine. Some of us voted libertarian and some of us stayed home.

So? Who cares? Well, we're more numerous than even we give ourselves credit. And, we're voting for President Bush today. Why? Because there is a notable difference between Sen. Kerry and President Bush. A difference that did not exist in 2000. We highlighted this yesterday. But, there is more. We thought Vice President Gore would not win in 2000 because he was annoying to listen to -- he spoke to his audience like they were small, stupid children. Not that all small children are stupid, but Vice President Gore spoke to everyone like they were small, stupid children. We couldn't imagine anyone being more annoying to listen to -- that is, until we heard Sen. Kerry.

Sen. Kerry speaks to everyone like they're the help. We don't think that anyone likes to be talked to like that. We shall see . . .

One last thing. We're still pissed off. The left wing nuts are not all that pissed off. They had all their fun with Michael Moore's movie and all those celebrities, but our guess is they're done. We're not. We're sick to death of all these Democrats. Not just Sen. Kerry, but all the nuts he'll bring with him into his cabinet. Sen. Joe Biden as Secretary of State? Cut us a break. We've been on the record for some time now about these types. So, we're going to go vote. And, we're not so sure about the other side. They're passion has waned and they're probably not all that excited about getting out and voting for Sen. Kerry -- remember, Bon Jumpy won't be out there at the voting booth.

So, there it is. Our analysis. Feel free to comment. And, like we said, tomorrow we'll either be right or wrong, but there was no sense in not telling you the what, why's, and wherefores tomorrow, so we told you today. Remember, this doesn't mean we're not pissed at the Republicans -- it means they've overcome all our angst and gotten us into our cars and into a voting booth on their behalf. We'll have more to say about them in the days ahead.





Can't Get to InstaPundit and Other Blogs
What is going on? Is everyone bombing these blogs or is something nefarious on?

Give it a try, can you get into the following:
LittleGreenFootballs
InstaPundit
Michelle Malkin
Command Post.org
Jim Treacher

Hugh Hewitt seems to be operating, but he hasn't posted anything since 10:00 a.m. Central.

Hopefully, this is just because everyone is legitimately going to these blogs for the latest on the election and not some lame denial of service attack . . . comments welcomed.

UPDATE: Instapundit has a backup at http://instabackup.blogspot.com/





Mark Steyn (Source Archive) has President Bush with 315 electoral votes. What he calls, "outside the margin of lawyer."





Oh, yeah, there is another reason that President Bush will win. We forgot.




Monday, November 01, 2004


BUSH WINS ! ! !

There you go. We told you we'd be doing this on Friday. There is a sub-title that will accompany this headline Wednesday and that will be, "Sen. Kerry, please be quiet. You've said quite enough already."





Confused? Okay, let us assume that you have somehow arrived at November 1, 2004 and you are not sure who you are going to vote for -- not really possible for us here to imagine, but we're told you exist. What to do?

We thought we'd do a little research from our past work here and let you in on all the sweat and tears that is InstaPunk so you can make up your mind. We're just going to ignore Ralph Nader, since it seems most everyone else is going to do the same.

Senator Kerry Is a Coward
This entry from 9/20/2004 catalogs in extensive detail the failings of Sen. Kerry in the Courage department. So, if you want to have a coward in the White House, you would vote for Sen. Kerry. If you do not want a coward in the White House, you would vote for President Bush.

If you are a fetus, you're in luck. Both candidates seem to think you are something or other -- like, Sen. Kerry says he believes life begins at conception which would mean when you exist, so you're alive, unfortunately, for you, he won't lift a finger to help you. President Bush on the other hand, seems to think that you are alive and that you should not be killed if you get really close to getting away from your mother -- what legislators call, "partial birth abortions," but what doctors act like they've never heard of . . . President Bush is against these. Sen. Kerry is for them. So, as a fetus, or former fetus, you would have to go with President Bush. Unless you are a self-hating fetus, then you would go for Sen. Kerry. RFLaird did a thoughtful essay on the topic and the Chain Gang put up a nonsensical entry with moral flowcharts that seemed to suggest that neither candidate would be helping out many fetuses.

Context -- the election this year is in a kind of context that most voters haven't seen before, an election during a war. One campaign was full of people that hate the war and the people that fight it and the other campaign is full of people that love the war and the people that fight it. So, Undecided Voter, it is your choice here too: if you love the war, you just have to vote for President Bush, but if you hate the war, then Sen. Kerry's your man. Remember, Sen. Kerry says that he will fight the terrorists as seriously and relentlessly as he did the North Vietnamese -- which probably didn't come out just the way he wanted it to -- so the key here for the undecided voter is who will be hanging around the two pro-war candidates should they win. Restated then, if you want to hang out with people that love the war -- President Bush. People that hate the war? -- Sen. Kerry.

In keeping with this type of analysis -- see the discussion regarding Rush Limbaugh and Michael Moore.

Similarly, there is the star-power approach. You like the way someone sings or the way someone acts, so you vote the way they vote. It is the most logical approach ever. You know, George Clooney -- great fake doctor -- how is he voting? Well, InstaPunk helped all people that make decisions like this with little pieces that told us more about the celebrities as they spoke out -- Linda Ronstadt, Whoopi Goldberg, Bonnie Raitt, and -- man, we thought this guy was dead -- Bruce Springsteen. So, if you love these and many, many more rock stars, actors and actresses, you have got to go for Sen. Kerry -- they all love him. If you think that these types of people might not make the best choices in life, then you might want to go with President Bush.

Finally, to push you to one side or the other you have got to look at the candidates wives. You've seen what it is like to have Laura Bush in the White House and you'll just have to imagine what it will be like to have Theresa the Billionaire in there. We've done what we could to help you imagine it. There couldn't be a bigger difference between the candidates.

So, Undecided Voter, there you go. It couldn't seem clearer to us. It has been nice having the country run by responsible adults for the past four years. Remember, all the nit-wits that will come with a Kerry Administration. But, if you want inexperienced and incapable folks running entire sections of the federal government just because they are the right color, sex, or other demographically determined attribute -- then Sen. Kerry is your man. This year, the choice couldn't be clearer. Unless, you don't know what you think about any of the things we've talked about today. If that's the case, just stay home. Tune in here on Wednesday and we'll let you know what happened.




Friday, October 29, 2004


Thanks for Visiting
All of us on the Chain Gang would like to thank you for stopping by. The weekend lies ahead, and we're sure you have had about enough of this election -- or maybe we have. We'd like to wish you a restful time and urge you to have some fun. We'll be checking in over the weekend, but we know that most of you don't. Just leave a comment here (even if it's just your initials and a grunt) and let everyone else know you stopped by . . .

We'll be sure to predict a Bush Victory for you on Monday -- isn't it obvious at this point? Get rested up so you can wander around your neighborhood and find the polling place that will let you vote. Bring some friends with you. Voting -- what a concept?

But, if you just can't stand a day without dwelling on the big election -- Dick Morris (Source Archive) is feeling much better about President Bush's campaign and we really like reading about what dunderheads the Democrats remain.




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