Archive Listing
January 28, 2006 - January 21, 2006
Thursday, May 19, 2005
About the F-Word
Senator Everett Dirksen
Senator Everett Dirksen
THE RIGHT THING. I've stayed away and stayed away from this subject, well aware that the mere mention of the word is enough to propel otherwise hyperactive minds into a coma. Even Ann Coulter was moved, after typing the ten most soporific letters in the American political lexicon, to implement the writer's "nuclear option" of an all-caps plea: "DON'T STOP READING! I AM NOT GOING TO DISCUSS THE HISTORY OF THE F****U**ER!"
But the U.S. Senate is staggering ever closer to a showdown between spineless Republicans and ruthless Democrats on the question of whether Senate rules should allow the use of f****u**ers in the 'advise and consent' process for judicial nominees. Because of this, InstaPunk has felt the call of his political conscience: he must, somehow, weigh in on a matter that is as crucial as it is potentially fatal to reader interest.
So here are my thoughts. WAKE UP! (Not trying to be rude, just to postpone the inevitable...) The Republicans act as if what they do now will affect what Democrats do when they regain the White House and/or control of the Congress. It won't. As soon as the Democrats regain the presidency and congressional control, they will do everything they can think of, bar nothing, to humiliate, castrate, and otherwise destroy the Republican minority, regardless of any temporizing the Republicans engage in now. Why? Because while the congressional Republicans were majoring in agriculture and religion at cow colleges in the Red states, the congressional Democrats were studying "The Prince" at Yale and Harvard. Democrats know about the uses of power even if they have no ideas at all about how to serve their constituents. Does this mean that Republicans must exercise the so-called "Nuclear Option"? No.
There's no need whatever to overturn 214 years of Senate tradition. If Senator Bill Frist had a backbone, a brain, and a single ounce of personality in addition to his hundredweight of Christian virtue, he could defeat the Democrats on this tedious rules debate with just three simple measures.
First, he could remind the American people and the press that the f****u**er may be a longstanding American tradition, but it has not always been used for the best possible purposes. In fact, it was a Republican senator who played the key role in defeating the most important and nefarious f****u**er in our history (N.B., Senator Robert Byrd, K.K.K. emeritus). InstaPunk readers can get the whole story here, and it is worth reading all of it, but in this entry the denouement will suffice:
The gallery was packed on June 10,
1964, as all one hundred senators were present for the climactic moment
of the longest f****u**er in Senate history. Late in the morning
Everett Dirksen rose from his seat to address the Senate. In poor
health, drained from working fourteen-, fifteen-, and sixteen-hour
days, his words came quietly. "There are many reasons why cloture
should be invoked and a good civil rights measure enacted. It is said
that on the night he died, Victor Hugo wrote in his diary substantially
this sentiment, 'Stronger than all the armies is an idea whose time has
come.' The time has come for equality of opportunity in sharing of
government, in education, and in employment. It must not be stayed or
denied." After Dirksen spoke for fifteen minutes the motion for a roll
call vote for cloture was heard. As each name was read, members of the
press and spectators in the gallery kept tally. At 11:15 a.m., Senator
John Williams of Delaware replied "aye" to the question. It was the
sixty-seventh vote; cloture had passed, opening the way for the Civil
Rights bill to be passed. After successfully defeating the
eighty-three-day f****u**er, Dirksen, when asked how he had become a
crusader in this cause, replied, "I am involved in mankind, and
whatever the skin, we are all included in mankind."
It's important to note, too, that Senator Dirksen defeated a f****u**er back in the days when a f****u**er was a genuine test of resolve, fortitude and physical stamina. Those who opposed the Civil Rights Act had to be prepared to speak for hours, even days, to forestall cloture, and they kept the debate open by reading aloud from the Congressional Record, the Bible, the telephone book, and anything else made of words that went on practically forever.
That's the second measure Frist could take: Restore the requirement that f****u**ers be real, that if the Slime Party has enough votes to keep the debate going, then they must actually keep the debate going, for hours, days, weeks, months... It's really not supposed to be easy for the minority to prevail, even in a republic. They have to earn it by working harder, talking longer, and staying awake on the floor of the U.S. Senate(!). The current situation, in which the mere threat of a f****u**er forestalls a cloture vote (i.e., a vote to end debate and vote on the nominee), is ridiculous. It's like watching a heavyweight title fight in which a boxer can play a card labeled "Knockout Punch" without actually having to deliver the blow or a tennis match in which a player throws down an "Ace" card whenever he gets behind on his serve. It's time to stop the nonsense. That's the American Way.
But, of course, we live in an age of short attention spans. Watching Robert Byrd read the Book of Leviticus out loud for a day and a half isn't something the Me Generation has much stomach for. That's why Senator Frist can achieve checkmate by the simple expedient of introducing one new rule rather than repealing one very old rule. Here's the wording of the new rule:
All
senators who speak on the floor of the U.S. Senate Chamber will do so
while walking on a motorized treadmill operating at not less than three
miles per hour.
The measure will pass by a simple majority. The average age of Democrat senators is 61. The average age of Republican senators is 55. If polls are taken, a majority of sporting Americans will be anxious to watch the treadmill performance of Democrat titans like Robert Byrd, Teddy Kennedy, John Kerry, Joe Biden, and Hillary Clinton. It's even possible that the conduct of business in the Senate will become a media attraction. C-Span's ratings could skyrocket. But one thing is for sure. F****u**ers are not going to last as long as they used to, and We the People will learn very speedily who is as tough as his rhetoric and who is as weak as his character.
Speaking of weak characters, I can't wait to see Harry Reid in action. On his treadmill. It seems fitting somehow.
Yeah, I know it's a pipedream. As I
said, Frist would need a backbone, a brain, and a single ounce of
personality. Oh well. At least I kept you out of a coma, didn't I?
posted at
1:42 am
by
InstaPunk
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
Ungrateful Followers -- Part II -- Readers Write
The comment sections seem to be policing themselves quite nicely. Don't miss out on
all the fun. Remember we put up special pages for the Buchanan
and Keillor posts for your convenience.
Take a look and be sure you've seen the latest comments.
It is sad to see someone use the phrase, "whatever," in support of their position.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And, just for fun, we ran the above post through the eight to twelve year old AOLer Translator (HT - My Vast Right Wing Conspiracy). The following is the result of the translator's processor:
UNGRAETFUL FOLOWERS - PART I - R3AEDRS
TEH COMANT SECTIONS SEM 2 B POLICNG THEMS3LVES QUIET NIECLY111!!11 WTF DONT MIS OUT ON AL DA FUN!!111 WTF RAM3MBR W3 PUT UP SP3CIAL PAEGS FOR DA BUCHANAN AND K3ILOR POSTS FOR UR CONVENEINCE11!11!! OMG TAEK A LOK AND B SURA U SEN DA LAETST COM3NTS
IT11111 OMG IS SAD 2 SE SOM3ON3 USE TEH PHRAES WUT IN SUPORT OF THERE POSITION11!!1!!1 LOL
Which seems related, somehow.
posted at
9:24 am
by
Chain Gang
Bird(brain)'s Eye View
PSAYINGS.5A.40. Could somebody please help me out here? I'm trying hard to understand what happened last week over Washington, DC. Two guys jump into a plane in Smoketown, PA, start flying to North Carolina, and land a few hours later in headlines all over the world. How did it happen? The Washington Post says:
Two lost aviators flying with outdated
maps from a rural Pennsylvania airstrip triggered a red alert at the
White House yesterday, along with the frantic evacuation of the Capitol
and the Supreme Court, before they were intercepted by Air Force jets
lobbing warning flares.
The 15-minute aerial encounter, watched by rapt workers in downtown Washington office buildings, turned out to be a blunder by confused fliers in a small plane, but it illustrated how easily potential danger can trip the capital's tightly wired alert systems.
The 15-minute aerial encounter, watched by rapt workers in downtown Washington office buildings, turned out to be a blunder by confused fliers in a small plane, but it illustrated how easily potential danger can trip the capital's tightly wired alert systems.
Outdated maps. I see. Those would be flight maps dating back to the 18th century, I guess, before there was a Washington, DC. But never mind that for the time being. In the days since, we have seen additional headlines: "Intruding pilots released without charges" (CNN.com) and most recently, "Lasers to warn pilots away from D.C." (Chicago-Sun Times). The latter story tells us:
From 1,500 feet above Washington on a
hazy Tuesday, you didn't have to look hard to notice a red-and-green
flashing light among the clutter of rooftops, the Washington Monument
and the Capitol.
That's the idea: When pilots see the light, it means they've flown into restricted airspace. They are to fly away from the light -- fast -- and contact air traffic control.
That's the idea: When pilots see the light, it means they've flown into restricted airspace. They are to fly away from the light -- fast -- and contact air traffic control.
Am I the only one whose head is moving slowly side to side, side to side, side to side in astounded disbelief? Let's review. Here's the journey our flyboys had in mind:
Let's see. Somewhere in between
Smoketown and
North Carolina, there definitely is a patch of geography, a city if you
will, where the
President lives and the U.S. Congress has meetings at the Capitol. What
else
do we know about that city? Oh, yes. It's where a plane flew
deliberately into the Pentagon a few years ago, never mind the exact
date.
Now what mode of transportation are our
travellers -- Jim Sheaffer and Troy Martin -- employing for their
journey? That's right, an airplane. One of these, in fact:
Note the tremendous altitude at which the Cessna 150 flies. Then take a look at the photo at the beginning of this entry. (You can see a grander view here.) This is where I'm really looking for some help. Confronted by this particular view while flying from Pennsylvania to North Carolina, how could any member of the species homo sapiens sapiens possessed of a U.S. pilot's license be so "lost" as to fail to recognize Washington, DC? And how he could be so obtuse and ignorant as to overlook the possibility that he was flying into the most forbidden air space on the planet?
Lost? LOST? LOST? Give me a break.
And perhaps worst of all, how do our national protectors propose to prevent this kind of slapstick behavior in future? By arranging lasers(!) around the boundaries of our capital city! I submit that a pilot who is flying down the eastern seaboard without the slightest idea that he might encounter Washington, DC, is also likely to interpret red and green lasers as a light show being put on for his amusement -- "let's go in for a closer look, Troy, waddya say?" Wouldn't it be more useful to erect giant neon signs that flash the words "Get the hell out of here, you idiot" in every color of the rainbow?
On the other hand, who are they spending all this money to save here? This is what happens to a Cessna 150 that mixes it up with a good-sized building:
I believe it would be a considerably cheaper solution for Cessna to put a warning label on its 150 models, sort of like what we can read on cigarette packages:
Forget about the lasers. And forget about the small-plane pilots who are so damn dumb they can't recognize the Washington Monument from a couple miles away. They deserve what they get. Don't they?
at church these days -- especially the churches highlighted in the article.
