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January 24, 2007 - January 17, 2007

Wednesday, April 12, 2006


Counting the Minutes

We're just glad Katie has job security through 2046.




Tuesday, April 11, 2006


InstaPunk Protest Pics!

Not quite as huge as the Newark, DE, protest, but a good turnout for Salem

LEGACY. I won't make any bones about it. I thought my coverage of the Salem County Illegal Immigration March was going to be the splashiest in the southern New Jersey-Delaware region. Imagine my disappointment when I discovered via Instapundit that we'd been upstaged by Newark, Delaware. If you look at the map, you can see why Salem and Newark might be considered rivals.



I should have realized, probably, that Newark's status as a university town makes it a lot easier for them to hit the magic dozen mark when it comes to assembling protesters in a great cause like this one. Even so, the startling scale of the Newark march drained a lot of the verve out of this report. But here goes anyway.

The protest organization meeting was scheduled for Sunday morning in the Salem Oak Diner, which sits across the street from the highly symbolic Salem Oak, the tree under which the county's first Quaker immigrants signed a treaty with the Indians in 1675. Unfortunately for the ambiance of the current assembly, that treaty was one of a handful ever signed with the Indians that was actually honored. Maybe that's why the organizational meeting was so subdued.


An atmosphere of calm prevailed at the meeting.

As it happened, I didn't encounter Carlos at the meeting but later, outside the diner (see above) when he initiated the march through Salem's downtown section. I had the opportunity to interview him at some length, since other media seemed less eager to get too close to the protest activity. While not actually an immigrant, Carlos Harris, 34, of Cowtown, has an interesting story to tell. His family is mostly Scotch-Irish stock, but Carlos's mother visited Texas once with her cattleman grandfather and had a brief dalliance with a Brahma bull rider named -- you guessed it -- Carlos. Nothing came of the romance because Carlos was deported to Mexico after an obscure incident involving some toxic homemade tequila, but when the young lady got married some years later, her husband always teased her about her Mexican boyfriend, which made her so furious over time that she defiantly (and still under the influence of the epidural) named her firstborn son after the long lost rodeo rider. Carlos explained that his mother doesn't get around very well anymore, so he decided to join the protest on her behalf. Her position is that the idea of a wall along the border isn't very friendly and should be more like a fence, maybe with some broken glass on top.

The actual march was peaceful and lacking in serious confrontations. Once, a car approached Star Corner, the town's main intersection, while Carlos was demonstrating there, but it turned right and Carlos assured me he never felt threatened.


A moment of near-collision between traffic and the protest at Star Corner.

The remainder of the event was, well, uneventful. Carlos proceeded the additional block up Market Street to the County Courthouse, where a friend had promised to come by and give him a ride back to Cowtown. I would have stayed till the ride came, but it was almost time to feed the dogs and I had to go. I snapped one last picture as I was driving away.


The climax of the march at the Courthouse.

"Adios, Carlos," I yelled.

"What?" he replied.

And I guess I'll leave it at that.


UPDATE. I see that other bloggers, especially Michelle Malkin, are still trying to publish the flashiest and most sensational protest coverage they can find. This is kind of an insult to small town activists everywhere. We do the best we can. With what we have. So don't be such a snob about it, okay?

UPDATE 2. The Newark blogger has now penned a completely slighting entry about the Salem protest in support of illegal immigration. He says I'm "making excuses," but what could I have done, short of making up a much larger demonstration that didn't occur in fact? Like my role models at the New York Times, I am simply an impartial journalist who makes up the bare minimum of news necessary to inflate my sense of self-importance virtue. Perhaps Don'tSeeTheLight.com should learn from my outstanding (if I dare say so myself) example. And if he ever ventures over the bridge into OUR territory, he should bear in mind that we're not a bunch of college radical pussies here, but centuries worth of inbred gene pools that would scare the hell out of Ward Churchill himself.





Islamist Tsunami


SOMETHING SAD
. The good news is that students in American public schools who can't identify countries like France, Italy, and Spain on the map needn't worry about it any longer (if they ever did). Here's the new map. Spain's been off it ever since they caved in to Islamist extortion and voted in an appeasement government after 3/11. The French have been flailing in the water since the government found it couldn't stand up to a bunch of ghetto muslim punks who burn cars for fun, and they finally slipped under the waves this week when the government proved it couldn't stand up to a bunch of lazy, spoiled university brats who burn cars to demonstrate their qualifications to hold lifelong jobs. Italy's gone too, sunk in a night and a day like Atlantis, as a once proud nation signed up for a program of anti-American rhetoric and craven appeasement of barbarians.

The bad news is, if you really really hate war, this is the worst possible news. For explanation, we could direct you to two excellent essays (h/t InstaPundit), one by Charles Krauthammer and one by Daniel Johnson, but we won't do that. Instead, we'll leave you with one stanza from a poem by the great Irishman William Butler Yeats:

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the center cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.

Have a nice day.




Friday, April 07, 2006


Spoiling Dinosaurs

Hagryphus Giganteus

JURASSIC FUNNIES. So now the scientists are announcing new dinosaurs at a pretty rapid rate again. Most recently, we got this:

What's 7 feet tall, 13 feet long, armed with sickle-like claws and covered with feathers? Hagryphus giganteus, the new raptor dinosaur discovered in southern Utah.

The dinosaur was unveiled this week in a pair of press conferences held by the Utah Museum of Natural History, one on Monday in Escalante, near its discovery site, and the other on Tuesday in the museum on the University of Utah campus...

The name means "giant four-footed, bird-like god of the western desert," said Lindsay Zanno, a graduate student at the U. who named it and is the lead author of a paper describing the animal. The paper was published in the Journal of Vertebrate Paleontology.

Only about 7 percent of the fossil was recovered, said Scott Sampson, the museum's chief curator. That consisted of hand and feet bones, including the impression of the sharp keratin sheath that was curved like a huge cat's claw.

All they have of it is hand and leg bones, but they know it had feathers. They know it had feathers?

Does anybody else suspect that the scientists are just playing with us now? For some reason they got tired of the reptile dinosaurs and decided they were really birds instead. So they start giving us pictures like the one above, all nicely colored in and adorned with poultry-like cartilage crowns, which, of course, they have recovered exactly none of.

I think they're laughing. I think they're going to see just how far they can go with this made up crap until somebody notices that the whole thing is a Confidencegameius Giganticus, which is paleontology for 'Gotcha.'

In the meantime I expect we'll see additional exciting announcements of new 'dinosaurs' like the two below.


Duckioraptorasaurus Bulbosus


Wrennosaurus Humungiosus

It's just not working for me. I miss the old romping, stomping 'terrible lizards.' I don't want them to be just chickens the size of airliners. What does anybody else think?




Thursday, April 06, 2006


The New Katie

Meredith Vereira

THE MANTLE OF ED. Are you ready, America? Here's our new national mommy. Her name is Meredith Vereira, and she's the one who's going to be shouting 'Rise and shine' at us every weekday morning on the Today Show. Like me, I know you're hoping that she'll be a good mommy, filled with hatred for all things Republican and Christian and filled with love for all things saccharine, socialist, female, and paranoiacally child-related. With any luck she'll share Katie's certainty that George Bush is destroying the country, that Islam means 'Peace,' that Maya Angelou is a greater poet than T. S. Eliot, and that the definition of good journalism is smiling sweetly while while you ask hostile and unfair questions of those who disagree with your moronic assumptions about matters of politics, culture, religion, and the raising of undisciplined psychopaths.

We don't doubt she's equipped with the uniquely female stamina for interminable discussions about child seats in cars and the ineradicable genetic flaws of men. But does she also have the requisite perky narcissism to show off her colonoscopy, breast cancer exam, pap smear, and home pregnancy test on live TV while we're all trying to eat breakfast? And does she have the balls to keep Matt Lauer in his assigned place as NBC's eunuch-in-chief? Only time will tell, but you've got to admit she's got the hips for it.

As for the old Katie, well, we hope her first year's salary is strato-huge-ic, because when she sits her big ass down in that anchor chair, it's the last time anyone will ever lay eyes on her. The news is bad enough as it is. When it's being read to us by an aged elf with a series of impenetrable grudges against the country that made her a gazillionaire, it's unwatchable.

Good night, Katie, and good luck.





CONTEST!


WE'RE SO SMART. To understand the context of this event, go here and make sure to read the Update.

Got it? Good. We're looking for the member of the GOP leadership who would be best in the role of Tuco from The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. Entries should be written in the Comments section of InstaPunk or emailed to the address shown elsewhere on this page. They should be funny, witty, or otherwise amusing.

If nothing is funny, witty, or amusing, we won't report. If you are, we'll be laudatory. That's the prize.






Wednesday, April 05, 2006


No Delay for Delay

The Man with No Delay

DAVE.52.1-18. We've heard of politicians who leave office and subsequently offer up some opinions that are more candid than the exigencies of political life allow. But Tom "The Hammer" Delay is clearly in the process of setting a new record. He started spouting off within hours of announcing his resignation, which means he's now shooting from the hip while still a member of Congress. That's what we call a fast gun. Frankly, he was fanning so many shots across the horizon yesterday, that's it hard to determine who exactly he took down first, but here's our preliminary count of the initial victims:

The GOP Leadership

The Washington Times reports that:

Departing Rep. Tom DeLay of Texas said yesterday that House Republicans have no vision or agenda and have let the Democrats choose the GOP leadership.

Bang.

The Democrat Leadership (with collateral damage to Republicans)

Again from the Washington Times:

"The only reason I was indicted [was] the stupid rule that allows the Democrats to pick the Republican leadership," Mr. DeLay said.

He was referring to a party rule requiring that any Republican indicted for a crime give up his leadership post. Mr. DeLay has contended that is why the Democrats, who have no such rule, persuaded Ronnie Earle to seek a grand jury indictment of Mr. DeLay and keep seeking it until he got one.

Bang.

John McCain

Ibid:

He warned that if the immigration bill sponsored by Sens. John McCain and Edward M. Kennedy becomes law, it "would seriously undermine our own base" and cost Republicans seats in the November elections. The House "should not conference with the Senate on something we haven't discussed in the House."

Bang.

Cynthia McKinney

Human Events Online is reporting that:

Soon-to-retire Rep. Tom DeLay (R.-Tex.) said today he would file an ethics complaint against Rep. Cynthia McKinney (D.-Ga.) for striking a Capitol Police officer should no other House member do so first.

DeLay’s comments came during a wide-ranging interview at his Capitol Hill office with reporters, including HUMAN EVENTS Editor Terry Jeffrey.

“If nobody in this House files an ethics charge, I am,” DeLay said in response to a question about McKinney. “Her behavior is outrageous. And it’s not the only time.”

Bang.

Then he blew the smoke from his revolver, established a meaningful personal and historical context for his outrage (ouch), and fired again:

The subject of McKinney came up after DeLay recounted a fond memory he had of a Capitol Police officer killed in the line of duty. When asked about his best and worst days as a lawmaker, he said his best day was the GOP’s sweep in 1994.

The worst day, he recalled, was July 24, 1998, when Capitol Police Detective John Gibson was shot to death by Russell Weston Jr. in DeLay’s office. Fellow officer Jacob “J.J.” Chestnut was also killed that day protecting the congressman’s staff from the gunman.

The episode prompted DeLay to erect a tribute to Gibson on his office wall. He told reporters that a plaque he keeps in his office with the words “This Could Be the Day” serves as a reminder of Gibson, who had discussed its meaning with DeLay only two days before he was killed.

Bang, bang.

THIS JUST IN... MORE UNCONFIRMED REPORTS OF GUNFIRE FROM TOM DELAY...

We can't verify this because it's only an unlinked item on Drudge, but here's what's coming over the wires:

REP. DELAY ON FOXNEWS: 'Cynthia McKinney is a racist. She has a long history of racism. Everything is racism with her. This is incredible arrogance, and -- that sometimes hits these members of congress, but especially Cynthia McKinney'...

Bang, bang, bang, bang.

POSTSCRIPT. We don't know where all this is going, of course, but we can't help hoping -- like the evil conservatives we are -- that Tom reloads his shooting irons and moves out after some additional targets. We have no objection if he pauses along the way to take out Ronnie Earle, who would look much better with a Texas-style epithet branded between his eyes, but we'd also like to suggest that Tom shoot off his mouth -- with cold and deadly candor -- about the real corruption in Congress: the scruple-free cabal of rich and pampered aristocrats who are trying to assassinate the presidency of George Bush and cripple the foreign policy of the United States at one of the most precarious moments in our history. His gunbelt ought to include rhetorical bullets engraved with the names of Thomas Feingold, Charles Schumer, Teddy Kennedy, Richard Durbin, Harry Reid, Barbara Boxer, Tom Harkin, Joseph Biden, John Kerry, Hillary Clinton, Nancy Pelosi, Charles Rangel, James McDermott, Maxine Waters, John Dingel, and Barney Frank. These people are all more despicable than even Lee Van Cleef would have the stomach to play. Collateral damage is acceptable. If bringing down Feingold mortally wounds the career of John McCain, so be it. If Lincoln Chafee, Chuck Hagel, Howard Dean, and the Lords of the MSM should get caught in the crossfire by unlucky accident, that would be okay, too, especially if some Hollywood celebrities are hanging out in the same filthy saloon.

If Tom is still in one piece after that, we'd really appreciate it if he'd also take aim at the naysayers who are trying to dispel the rumor of Scott McClellan's imminent (and crucial) departure and do what comes naturally. Maybe other members of the GOP could acquire some spine by example. You don't have to be all good and nicey-nicey to accomplish some indisensable objectives. It's called remembering the mission.

Of course, we know that makes us seem uncivil. But we can live with that. We bet a lot of you could too.

UPDATE. Do you remember the scene where Clint outdraws Lee Van Cleef and then shoots his hat into the open grave before he makes Eli Wallach put a noose around his own neck? Sure you do. Well, we've reached the part where Lee is surprised as hell to discover he's beeen shot.



We won't make any jokes about shooting McKinney's hat because Neal Boortz is still recovering from the apology he had to make about her headwear, but we will allow ourselves to speculate about who gets to be Eli Wallach in the big scene. Who in the GOP leadership would look best teetering on a wooden cross while dangling from a tree branch and waiting for Clint to shoot (or not) the rope that will otherwise hang him?



We give up. You decide. Contest rules are detailed in one of our entries for April 6, 2006.






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