January 22, 2009 - January 15, 2009
We were pretty concerned and saddened to read about all the torment
over at the DailyKos
yesterday. We just never knew that so many people had had their whole
lives wrecked by the Bush presidency. People like this poor fellow:
It's always our desire to assist those who are in misery. That's why
today's multimedia offerings have been chosen specifically to provide
balm and succor to the KosKids so terribly afflicted by the President.
It's difficult to find therapeutic materials containing absolutely no
inflammatory content, such as references to America and other
unspeakable evils, but we've done our best. For example, this first
video is intended simply to clear the cobwebs a bit, let a little fresh
air into the fevered mind. It takes place entirely in the U.K., so
there's no danger of seeing a flag or a Humvee or a U.S. Marine. (By all means, take advantage of the full
screen option on this one. Just click on the box at the extreme right
hand in the bottom edge of the window: . The experience will be more
holistic or something. Also, don't feel guilty. The Caterham 7 is very fuel
The next step is to achieve a state of deep calm, reach a zone far
removed from the hurly-burly of modern life. Sit back, relax, and feel
those good natural vibes.
Tragically, life can't be exclusively about ferns. At some point,
civilization really did happen and brought with it all the hectoring
anxieties that accumulate into rage and depression. What's needed is a
freeing perspective. It helps to remember that in the grand scheme of
things our lives are fleeting, and only time is eternal. This next clip
may be disturbing at first, but it takes us ultimately to a better
place. You'll see. (If you've been following along with our therapy but
aren't a KosKid, you might also find some solace in this related clip. But be
warned that it contains imagery which may be profoundly offensive and
even dangerous for progressives.)
There. We got past all that messy and awful technological hell and
broke through to a natural state where there's nothing but us and
glorious Mother Earth. You should be starting to feel better now. Let's
build on that natural euphoria by rolling around some more in pure nature.
Oops. The last part of that clip took a turn we weren't expecting.
Despite our best efforts, it turns out that even nature is part of the
problem. Meaning human nature. The last shot reminds us of a couple of
things. Like this:
Okay. We get it. We understand why you're so incredibly enraged. We are
too. Every road leads finally to the same conclusion. There's only one
way to relieve your distress and return you to the state of dignified
virtue you have every right to enjoy. So here you go:
Feeling all better now? Good. Have a nice day for a change. Idiots.
P.S. For all the non-progressives out there, here's a slightly different version of ultimate justice. (h/t Ace). Just to take the bad taste out of your mouth. Beats the hell out of those ferns, don't it?
Democratic Debate Highlights:
It's a tough old world out there when all the men are ganging up on
you. That's why a girl needs to be heavily armed at all times. As you
might expect, Hillary was ready for the onslaught at last night's
debate -- in fact, she was the only who came in costume for Halloween,
unless you count the unconvincing macho masks of Russert, Obama,
Edwards, and Dodd.
When, predictably, the nancy boys of the surrender party and the MSM
tried to make her look bad for being on both sides of the New York
driver's licenses for illegals issue, she showed them all. Nobody can stop her from being on
as many sides of an issue as there are sides. See for yourself (h/t Ace of Spades).
And if there was ever any doubt about who was in the right, Hillary's
Girl Friday removed it with her unlinkable shot at the villain of the
piece via the Drudge Report:
That's right. Russert's mask has been ripped off his smarmy
no hero. He's
belligerent, that's what he is. As if that
has any place in a presidential campaign.
At least we've solved the mystery of the ugly shoes.
We could have sworn somebody mentioned ugly shoes. It's possible we could be mistaken, but we almost never are. Happy Halloween.
P.S. For much more of YouTube Wednesday, go here.
UPDATE. So you think we overstate things here? Here's an excerpt from Thursday's edition of The Hill:
Hmmm. Where have we
heard that before?
Yeah, yeah. Patriots. Perfect season. Boring. How many of you
really enjoy watching a steamroller leveling asphalt? Message to NFL
fans. What's truly inspiring isn't the best agglomeration of players
money can buy. It's the team that overcomes adversity to win the big
prize against all odds.
Here's a scenario you can sink your teeth into. An NFL team starts like a house afire and after the first five games has a 4-1 record. Mission accomplished. Or well on the way. You know how that goes. Six games later, they're 6-5. Losers on a one-way trip to oblivion.
Who wouldn't be bummed? Their fans were outraged. Both of the U.S. Senators from California -- yes, kiddies, we're talking about the 49ers -- were, well, pessimistic. One said, "The season is lost. There's absolutely no way this team is going to the playoffs. I support the players, but it's time to fire all the coaches and start a long-term rebuilding program." The other said, "Californians have been lied to. We were told this team was a contender, a winner. Obviously, they aren't. They're total losers. An utter disgrace. Anyone who supports the players -- as I absolutely and unequivocally do -- must demand that the few talented members of the team be benched for the rest of the season so that no one worthwhile gets injured in a losing cause."
The rest is, as they say, history. The 1988 San Francisco 49ers went on to win four of their last five games, the divisional playoff, the NFC Championship, and the Super Bowl. You can see their record here.
Along the way, most of their fans rejected the official condemnations of their senators. They had faith. In fact, they enjoyed the season far more than Patriots fans are enjoying this season.
Is there a lesson? Of course not. The NFL has nothing to do with real life.
Unless it does.
. According to some, Boston is the birthplace of America.
It's where they had that big tea party the Brits weren't invited to,
because if you're invited to a tea party in Boston you'd better be
somebody important like a Kennedy or a Kerry or some other rich
immigrant from lowlifeland who has more money than God and therefore
knows how the rest of us poor schlubs should live.
There are no accidents. There's only an endless chain of symbolic events. The World Series and the unfolding season of the New England Patriots demark a New American Way consistent with the the most ancient traditions of a city which always turned up its nose at common virtues like hard work, quiet accomplishment, and unassuming perseverance. In Boston, life comes down to the simple question of who's better than everyone else and who can send the strongest and most ineluctable message about that betterness to the hoi polloi.
That's why the new American Way is about sweeps. Win fast or don't play at all. Yes, you can toy with the real losers -- like anybody from Cleveland -- but there isn't anybody who doesn't know you were better than them before the competition even got started. When the chips are finally on the table, you've got to win, win, win, win or else the trogs will suspect you're not divine. Maybe not the trogs of the mass media, who always knew you were divine and rooted for you shamelessly throughout, but definitely the trogs who have been taught to quit as soon as their celebrity faves begin to sweat with something like effort.
They need the Sox to sweep and the Patriots to go undefeated. Because in the New American Way, what's most important is trusting the better ones to ride herd on the ordinary ones through a display of raw talent, the rawer the better. Raw talent always seems democratic, even when it's anything but. That's always been the Boston Way.. Thank goodness it's finally infiltrating the rest of the country.
Utopia has been achieved when the ordinary folk begin to believe they
can identify with raw talent by imitating the raw part. We're there.
Now that we have slob superheroes, you too can be a superhero simply by
being a slob. The winning part is easy. That's why they call it a
sweep. And if anyone can see you sweat, it's time to bug out and find a
new venue better made for slobs.
Long live the Red Jax.
not the prospect of a female president that's unacceptable. (I'd have
voted for Jeane
Kirkpatrick if she'd run.) It's the prospect of this female as president. Even
women know there are nasty women who can't be trusted. Hillary
isn't just an example of the nasty woman type, she's an archetype. They
were absolutely everywhere in the sixties, and everyone knew who they
were. Fortunately, there aren't as many of them around now. Which is
both good and bad. The
problem is, you have to be almost as as old as Hillary is to know who she really
For example, this picture is meaningless or misleading to everyone
under the age of 50:
She wasn't a rapscallion hippie rebel, full of fun and hormones. She was an arid Wellesley communist. She wore ugly shoes. She had no sense of humor. She was absolutely without charm. She smiled only because
people expected it. She thought intelligence was about grades and board
scores. She knew she was the smartest person she'd ever met. She didn't
know that all the most charming and intelligent people avoided her.
Except the ones who knew they could use her. She knew she was an ugly
duckling, but she never connected that perception with behaviors and
attitudes she could have changed. She was a bitch, whether you were
male or female. When she didn't know she was being photographed, she
looked like this:
The only guys who ever wanted to have sex with her were sick in the
head. They wanted to rape her, to spew their contempt, hatred and rage
deep inside her. She extrapolated from her experience of such men a
the male sex that had nothing to do with reality. She learned to want
the kind of power that can subjugate men and neutralize the charm of
both men and women. She married the charm she most feared and hated,
because she intended to use what she didn't have and work toward the
personal victory of seeing her own obsession triumph over what she
despised and envied most. No man has ever given her an orgasm. This is
not because she lacks passion. It's because she won't give them
the satisfaction of seeing her lose control.
But she's not a Lesbian either. In fact, she loathes women. Because they are so susceptible to the irrational feelings they experience in their breasts and cunts. She has those feelings, too, but she has learned to redirect them. Her only aphrodisiac is power. You'd think she'd be uncomfortable in photo opportunities like this, but she actually relishes them.
Using women makes her feel more like a man. She understands her
husband's contempt for women because it mirrors her own. Not that she
wants to be a man. She doesn't. Her ultimate ambition is to be without
sex, as pure an expression of odorless power as Stalin, Hitler, Mao, or
Ch'in. She has a reproduction of Hatshepsut, the only female pharaoh,
in her living quarters. But she does want her daughter to regard her as
a father. The psychological implications of this desire are almost
infinite, but she doesn't think about them.
In short, if you're 50+, you know her. You met her in college, avoided her like the plague, and afterwards you pretended she didn't exist -- for your whole adult life. But she does exist. And she's even worse than the stereotype that dwells unexamined in your imagination.
Do you really want her as an American President?
What plans are you making?
[h/t to Michelle Malkin and Zombie for the pictures.]
I don't. I'm getting ready. But my readiness plans are all about hiding
for eight years. I don't hate her, but I'm pretty sure she hates me. I
think it might be time to get scarce.