Instapun*** Archive Listing

Archive Listing
October 6, 2010 - September 29, 2010

Monday, June 15, 2009

Presidential Football
Locked and Loaded

Ready at a Moment's Notice.

REMEMBER TO DUCK. The infamous presidential "football" is a solemn reminder of the crushing responsibilities borne by our Commander-in-Chief. Now, with North Korea threatening nuclear war, almost-nuclear Iran defying the world with a Soviet-style show of force against its own people, and loose-cannon Pakistan hinting it's not sure it can keep its nukes out of Taliban hands, President Obama is boldly taking charge of the deteriorating international situation by giving a speech about his trillion-dollar hostile takeover of American healthcare to the American Medical Association.

But don't be alarmed. If something breaks bad out there and the world's lenses look to the president for a decisive response, the football is stocked with all "the right stuff" a commander-in-chief could ever need:

Foundation, highlights, mascara, brushes & pencils for any camera setting.

Never doubt that we're in capable hands. When dark days come, he'll shine like a Hollywood star.

(Don't listen, Penny, Maggie, Angela, or Betty.)

For those who are YouTube-challenged, here's the link.

IN THE BLOOD. The worst friends are old friends. After I did my rock video post, this guy started tormenting me with Muskrat Love by the Captain and Tenniel and then something even worse by Barry Manilow. I waterboarded him back with My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion, but it's not enough. That's why this post. Torture has to be stopped in its tracks.

Apologies to everyone who is legitimately offended.

UPDATE. Thanks for the moral support, Apoth; such a pertinent quote in the O-time. (Though we're concerned about Penny's mental health. Even if that's not a new concern.) (And Maggie? You go, lassie! I'm still cringing from being reminded of CSNY's Ohio. Och.) In light of the ethnic theme of the post, it seems like a good time to clear up what may be mysteries for some. The main graphic in the video above is the flag of Scotland, which is also the cross of St. Andrew, the most important compositional (and character) component of the Union Jack. As an aside, I'll share that Mrs. IP and I were married at St. Andrew's Church, though the song featured here was not played. The score was mostly Stones and AC/DC, as it will be again at my funeral, after my Irish wife gets tired of her evil Scotsman and relandscapes his noggin with a blackthorn shillelagh. Anyway. Where were we? Oh yes. AC/DC. A commenter on the Hard Rock Video post felt obliged to point out that AC/DC was an Aussie not a Scottish band. I replied with a joke. But in this context, it's appropriate to provide more information. AC/DC was founded by Malcolm and Angus MacBethYoung. The lead singer who led the band to superstardom was Bon Scott, born in Scotland. He was also buried in Scotland. Additionally, as Brizoni was alert enough to point out, AC/DC was likewise the only rock band to demonstrate that the bagpipes were probably the first rock and roll instrument -- by about two thousand years. Here's the proof:

It's pretty hard to resist the conclusion that they're evil Scotsmen too. Not all of us are in Scotland. Did the Vikings all stay in Norway? Barbarians are inherently nomadic, as the ancient Romans would be willing to attest. (Or they wouldn't have found it necessary to spend a trillion lira building Hadrian's Wall.) Now that that's settled, could you all send us some money? Just till next week? We're expecting a bequest from our uncle then. As soon as he drops dead. On our sword. Which is, regrettably, still in the mail. So, whatever you could do in the meantime...

UPDATE 2. Just for Penny. What trolls are.

Celts always know.

But we all love you anyway. Honestly. This place wouldn't be quite the same without you. It's no secret that you're smarter than you let on, but you yourself have praised the "performance" aspect of, uh, those people who live under the bridge and assail passersby. Where else are you going to find such a welcoming audience for your performance art? In future, though, just remember that my name is JockInstaPunk.

Friday, June 12, 2009

The 'Soiled Dove' Theory

It's up to her alone. We know Obama will do his part.

ROCK ON. There's an Ed Morrissey post up at HotAir about Sarah Palin's appearance on the Today Show with Matt Lauer. It correctly acknowledges that she performed well across the board, both on the substance of her response to tough questions about Alaska politics and on the Letterman controversy. But then it sounds a warning.

[H]ad the Letterman controversy not existed, that aspect of her performance [the politics] would have been the headline here. Instead, the three minutes or so in the middle of this 11-minute interview that has nothing to do with governing or policy will be all that the public will remember or want to see.

That could be the overall aim of Palin’s opponents. If David Letterman has to eat some crow every few months for his personal attacks on Palin, does that really matter to him? He has a contract with CBS for the next three years, at which point he’d probably retire anyway. Letterman and his ilk can continue to make all of the coverage about Palin revolve around her daughters, forcing her to respond and to look less serious as a politician, in a way that the media would never do to a man or to a liberal - as Palin said, no one did it to Obama, nor should they.

If enough of them do it, the downside for her attackers will be small, and the upside will be to kneecap Palin before she can threaten Democrats in a future election.

I think this is a dim and short-sighted view of the American political scene. I would have made this comment directly at HotAir, as politely as I will make it here, except that my attempt earlier in the week to sign up as a commenter during the site's 24-hr so-called "Open Registration" did not result in the promised email containing a password. Neither did a polite follow-up request to Ed Morrissey's email address. So. I will make my response here (longer than it would have been there, of course), and any of you who are among the elect few permitted to comment at HotAir can pass it on to Ed.

There's basically a two-pronged political attack underway against Palin from the Republican side. There are the snobs we've written about here before. And there's a new contingent -- those who are personally sympathetic to Palin but believe the left has already succeeded in turning her into Dan Quayle, an instant punchline for jokes that no longer even have to be made. Morrissey's post is redolent of the latter prong. However softly it's delivered, the message is, "Stay away from Palin. She's a walking liability the Republicans can't afford if they're ever going to regain power." Call it the 'Soiled Dove' Theory. Most popular among those who believe that to accuse a woman is to destroy a woman. More 19th century than 21st if you ask me. But clearly no one did. Nonetheless...

I reject that message. And so should you. Nothing has happened that Sarah Palin can't overcome if she's as gifted a politician as she is demonstrably charismatic. To paraphrase the famous Lloyd Bentsen quote, "We've seen Dan Quayle... and Sarah Palin is no Dan Quayle." Quayle may have been a capable guy unjustly ridiculed out of politics, but he never tripled the size of a crowd for a scheduled political event or brought that crowd roaring to its feet in acclaim. Palin has star power. There is something attractive and authentic about her. That's exactly why she inspires such irrational antipathy from both ends of the political spectrum. A lot of the powers that be don't like what's attractive and authentic about her because it reminds them of their darkest fear, that there are millions of people out there who don't accept the clear superiority of constipated policy wonks who know what's better for the common people than the common people do.

People forget. Note how often this is cited as a weakness of the American people. But like everything else, people have the strength of their weaknesses. Maybe what people forget isn't always as important as the intellectuals and other snobs think it is. (IRONY: This from today's National Review Online: "An intellectual is someone who can hear the William Tell Overture and not think of the Lone Ranger.") For example, Hillary Clinton got bulldozed out of the presidential race by something akin  to a perfect storm of political opportunism, but not by the mountain of personal, political, and financial scandals some of her opponents were counting on. Worst of all, she had been cast in the most humiliating role of the biggest sex scandal in American political history, and the only way it figured in to the popular response was as proof that she was a survivor, a tough old broad who could weather anything and keep on keeping on. People admire that kind of grit, long after they have forgotten the details of whatever ordeal was survived.

That's all Palin has to do. Survive. And learn from the premature thermonuclear attack the MSM launched against her. By the time 2012 rolls around, Obama will have a heavy record hung around his neck that he won't be able to skate away from. If the press tries to cover for him by attacking Palin again, the public won't buy it. They've already heard all this shit before. It's BORING, and she's still here, still charismatic, and making more sense than any of the other old DC whores who've been running the country into the ground. And if you in the MSM had spent half as much time investigating our loser president as you did the uterus of Sarah Palin, maybe we wouldn't be in the mess we're in now.

The biggest problem with smart people is that they overestimate how much smarter they are than the people whose stupidity they fear. Both the MSM and its elite Republican critics think the American people don't see the liberal bias in the press and pundit class. Of course they do. Last time, they were rejecting Bush and the Republicans regardless, so the bias didn't especially irk them, at least not to the point of protest. Next time, they may be disposed to reject Obama and all the fools who told them he was something more than an arrogant young pup who thought he knew more than he did. It may well be that Sarah Palin -- if, as I've already stipulated, she really is a politician who can learn, think, and fight -- will be able to point her finger at the MSM in attendance and say, "These are the people who don't want you to listen to me. I have only one thing to ask: Listen to me in spite of them."

If and when that day arrives, everything Sarah Palin has been subjected to will become an advantage with the electorate. Every American knows what bullies are, what snobs are, what unscrupulous bitches are, and what valiant, persevering underdogs are. Ed Morrissey is borrowing trouble way way too soon. But then he's one of the smart guys who see every side of every issue. Which is why he doesn't have quite enough imagination to see the improbable yellow brick road that could lead Sarah Palin through Alaska to the first female presidency in the history of the United States.

Improbable, I repeat. But the odds depend far more on her and what her real capabilities are than they do on the continued graceless conduct of the mainstream media. Or stuffy conservative naysayers. Can a Steel Dove fly? I'm waiting to see.

UPDATE. This post led to a flurry of emails with Ed Morrissey. He disavows the 'Soiled Dove' theory and has also already corrected the mistake that prevented yours truly from having commenting rights at Hotair. I am happy to report what he said about Palin:

You're wrong about my intent.  I'm hoping we have Palin sticking to the political battles, and I'm writing about how tough it will be for her to do so with a hostile media, not as a warning to "stay away from Palin".

That's good and as it should be. Don't listen to the naysayers, any of you. And my thanks to Ed, who is, if old-fashioned enough to speculate about the 'Soiled Dove' theory, also old-fashioned enough to be an honest-to-God gentleman. Which ends this dark week on a high note.

UPDATE 2. This addendum has been added to Ed Morrissey's Palin post since our exchange of emails:

Update: Just to make clear, I’m not suggesting at all that Republicans distance themselves from Palin. At some point, we will need to let the Letterman-like provocations go and have her focus on national politics, where she has clearly improved. Promoting Palin as a victim (although entirely justified) won’t make her a compelling force in politics.

We approve. Rock on.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

The Ten Best:
The Antidote:
Hard Rock

It's time. Balls to the wall.

SNEAK #1. As with many of you probably, ennui crept up on me. I once vowed that I would never stop watching MTV. Until they stopped playing music and thought it was better programming to feature sluts and thugs boring us with their nonstop boring vuilgarity. The pioneering FM rock radio station I grew up with became a 'classic rock' station staffed by deejays older than me and locked in some time warp that still regarded the Beatles White Album as news. Rock and roll itself went away, replaced by whimpering New Age mama's boys who twanged their guitars in a state of continual miserable self-pity. I stopped listening altogether. I didn't realize the whole show was designed to put us to sleep so that we wouldn't notice we were being gelded by a pop culture that once proclaimed our vitality and now accompanies our slow transformation to sitzenpissers.

Think about it. Do you watch American Idol? Do you feel sorry for the runner-up whose sweet voice got lost in the gossip about his boy-meets-boy sex life? Yeah, well, I feel sorry for him too, but I'm getting tired of the fact that every pop star has some whining grievance against somebody that plays in the background of every performance and recording. Kanye West is unhappy about something? Do tell. Rihanna is back with her beater boyfriend? Green Day has another new album that sounds exactly like all their previous self-absorbed bleats? Usher is HOT and just possibly maybe heterosexual??  Michael Jackson is taking time out from recording his creepy new album ("Peter Pan was Racially Ambiguous too") to get his collapsing face sucked out through his pedophile ass and reinstalled with a Saudi-Arabian power washer. TMI. Some other Billboard chart topper is just out of rehab and singing about how his dread of uncontrolled carbon dioxide has mysteriously changed his sexual orientation to inflatable chickens made of genetically altered bamboo, one of which he is marrying in a $3 million ceremony in Jamaica. And Melissa Etheridge is doing boff-o business at county fairs all over the country behind her new double album about cunnilingus. [APPLAUSE.]

We've been had, ladies and gentlemen. They convinced us to stop listening to music. We lost the beat, the fire, the instinctive urge to leap off the couch and make that air guitar wail. The soap opera, the mediocrity, the tedium, the soporific mosquito-izing of the soundtrack of our lives (unless we committed the equally egregious sin of bunkering inside iPod ear buds that sealed us off from one another) withered our gonads away.

We need them now. The government is coming for us. They want to tell us what to do. About everything. And we're letting them do it. It's gotta stop.

The time has come for a hard rock revival. Yes, it's too much to hope that today's growling millennial nancy-boys will jump-start the music trend we need.  But we have a secret weapon. YouTube and full-stereo computers. We can fight back. And if we fight long enough and loud enough at all hours of the day and night, it's just possible the teenage boys in high school will remember that ordinary citizens don't have to ask the government (or even snarky teenage girls) for permission to have testicles.

Yes. I know exactly what I'm saying. For the first time since the sixties, music can be politically meaningful again. Not with respect to issues. But with respect to 
F  R  E  E  D  O  M  !  !  !

Without further ado, the top ten hard rock videos of all time. (Yeah, go ahead and fight me about it. That's the whole point.) (And, yes, it's true I could have filled the whole list with one band. But I didn't) (Did you know I invented the double parenthetical?) (And now I've invented the quadruple parenthetical. Rock on!)

10. The Stones: "Out of Control"

Sorry. They have to be on the list. They're the Alpha and Omega of rock.

9.  Pat Benatar: "Hit Me with your Best Shot."

She had that attitude. We need that attitude.

8.  The Clash:  "Straight to Hell"

Anger. We BETTER have it. Here's the studio version. It throbs with rage.

7.  Joan Jett & the Blackhearts: "I Love Rock'n'Roll."

Is this really consistent with Obama's Rodney King message? No.

6.  Patti Smith:  "Because the Night"

Don't even start with me. There are "hetero" molls. Patti's one.

5.  Aerosmith:  "Dream On."

Mostly, "live" means "less." Exceptions: Mick and Stevie. And, yeah,
we wanted "Walk This Way," but it was blocked. Can you dream on?

4.  Billy Idol:  "Rebel Yell."

Original video blocked. Check out this and this.
If you suspected it, you're right. Johnny Dodge.

3. AC/DC:  "Highway to Hell"

Scottish trash. We love'em.

2.  Guns 'n' Roses: Sweet Child O' Mine

Slash Trash. If you can't get off the couch for this one, you're dead.

1.  Stones: "Satisfaction" (1969)

I warned you. The Alpha and Omega. And I am NOT satisfied.

Have at it, kids. Welcome back to the fight for life. Who does Obama listen to? Not these guys. That's one for our side.

We'll close with a few that aren't on the list only because they're "blocked by request." You Got to Fight for your Right to Parteee. Plus this one. (Call them blogger earmarks. Yeah, that's the ticket.)

Do it, my children. Jump off the couch. Fight. Rock. Out. Bruce isn't the only one who was Born in the USA and is now spitting mad. He doesn't have a monopoly on rage.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Coming Attractions

HINT. So we're working on something that's taking up a lot of the time we'd normally spend blogging. It's a joint effort -- on our part here and on the part of three major television networks.

You're going to love it. We promise. Until the big premiere, though, blogging may be a little lighter than usual. Feel free to guess about the groundbreaking project underway.

UPDATE 6/17:  Thanks to Michelle Malkin for the link. If you're confused about the nature of the project announced in this post, it's a comic book treatment (like we did here and here -- look for Malkin in a cameo) of a show that could be titled "The Apprentice Goes to Alaska," starring Donald Trump, would-be network TV news stars, and Sarah Palin. Letterman isn't her only MSM victim. It's almost ready for posting, so check back in a day or two...


The Party of Death

Don't ever forget. They think we're all freaks.

GIGGLING. Everyone's so concerned about the state of the Republican Party. Republicans, of course. Meaning all the fat, sleek professional politicians who had their chance to act on principle and ran like hell into the briar patch of giant government boondoggles. And Democrats. How touching. How many hundreds of thousands of words have they lavished on advice to a party they pronounce dead and yet seem to care for, as if it were a reprobate uncle staring unconfessed into the face of a divine but cranky union-local chairman. Color me unconvinced. I'm in a more black-and-white frame of mind right now.

I'm not concerned about the state of the Republican Party. Surprised? Even though I freely admit we're freaks. Get a load of who's supposedly on our side.

Colin Powell, who would really rather be normal, er, Democrat.

Lindsey Graham, member of the 'Gang of 14' and McCain buttboy.

David Frum, who thinks Republicans should become Democrats.

Peggy Noonan. Poor thing. No arms or legs. B.O. smiled at her once.

Mitch McConnell, Senate Minority Leader. Right.
But it's valiant the way he keeps talking to Reid...

Christopher Buckley, who loves everything he hates.

Ace of Spades. The King of the Right-Wing Bloggers.
I know he means well, but with friends like these...

Kathleen Parker. Who's absolutely f___ing appalled
 by the grotesque company she's keeping. Life sucks.

Laughing? You betcha. We're a ridiculous old gang of fools. Here's the thing, though. Of course conservatives and Republicans are freaks. We look ugly and awful to you -- what are you calling yourselves these days? -- progressives? You think you have a vision of Utopia? And exactly how many of your precious Hollywood movies has that not worked out in?

The way I see it, you're the ones who have a party identity problem, not us. What's everybody's favorite political metaphor? uh, the Big Tent. Here's a picture.

Very pretty. Makes you think of peanuts and cotton candy and popcorn, doesn't it? Until you remember all the freaks inside. So how are the proprietors of the Big Tent going to keep the tent full? The politicians would have you believe that the answer is to expand the tent so that it covers more people. Which is as ridiculous as all government solutions. Truth is, people walk into, and out of, tents like this every day. There is no such thing as a permanent or static "tent population." Holding everything constant is a standard Democrat folly. For example, you think you can raise raise revenues by raising taxes on the people whose surplus monies fund new enterprises; never mind that when you raise taxes you also change people's incentives, meaning you're always acting in a changing environment. (A funny story from graduate business school: I had a distinguished professor of accounting who pooh-poohed the effect of confiscatory tax rates by holding up a dollar in a student amphitheatre and asking, "If I told you you could keep only ten cents of this dollar, would you refuse to take it?" An older, smarter student than I responded, "No. But ten cents is no longer worth me walking down there to take it from you." Static model vs. dynamic model. PhD. equals 'retard.' Excuse me: 'freak'. Oops. I meant 'progressive.')

Regardless of what all the solicitous Democrat pundits say, it doesn't matter at all if a bunch of moderate (unprincipled) Republicans leave the "Big Tent."  Why? Well, what's the show they're staging in the competing tent? It doesn't matter if there's nothing "new and incredibly New Age" going on under your Big Tent if their tent is on fire. If it is, your prosaic old tent will suddenly attract a glut of people who find they prefer old-fashioned trapeze acts, clown cars, and sideshows to this:

Guess what. The party that needs to be rethinking who and what it is is the Democrat Party. I'm every bit as sincere in my advice about this as the Democrats who have been trying to help Republicans become more Stalinist for the sake of their future.

Democrats need to be asking themselves some hard questions. Are you really comfortable with yourselves as the party of eternal apology to the rest of the world? Do you believe the American people will respond to your conviction that clitoris-amputating muslims have legitimate grievances against a nation that has sent troops to die for their religious freedom in Kossovo? Do you really think you speak for the common man the party of Andrew Jackson  presumes to champion by taxing small businesses into ruin and setting in place a bureaucracy of 'czars" unapproved by Congress that will rule the economy, healthcare, trade, pay grades, automobile designs (forget those Monster Trucks, amigo), cigarettes, food, media, the internet, and  the pride we're allowed to feel about the nation of our birth?

When you think about it, there is no life and death issue on which the Democrat Party sides with life. They favor abortion. They favor providing the full constitutional rights of U.S. citizens to alien enemies who want us dead. They oppose choice when it comes to school voucher systems that might provide the disadvantaged with opportunities for life-saving educational alternatives. They prefer taxing the dead to tolerating the entrepreneurial prospects of the living. They would rather see youngsters gunned down in 'gun-free zones' than concede that there is a place for a responsible man or woman with a gun empowered to prevent a slaughter. They value the well being of a planet that doesn't care if we live or die but will continue regardless over the quality of life of millions of American citizens and billions of third world peoples who could eat the corn they legislate into ethanol and just maybe survive if they were allowed to use fossil fuels and nuclear technology to obtain their first ever electrification -- you know, the juice that powers stoves, sterilized water, smoke-free hovels, and the lights after dark that enable poor people the luxury of learning to read and write.

The platform of the Democrat Party is death. Death of innocents in the U.S.  Death of the disadvantaged abroad. Death (monstrously so) of Israel and the Jews. And death of the human race in general. It actually makes them feel virtuous, rooting for Mother Earth against all the forces of human civilization.

So I have a question for Democrats. Where do you get off even pretending that you care for common folk?

You DON'T. You hate them. You hate us. All of us. If we're a horror show, you're a worse one. But at least we're individuals. Here's what your platform looks like.

By contrast, ours looks pretty damn good. When they begin to sense the murderous fire smoldering in your tent, even the freaks you've conveniently deciided to tolerate for the moment will be back. All you offer is death. Zombie time. Here's how that always ends.

Republicans will be fine if they stay the course. If Democrats stay the course, they'll end their lives in prison. Not because Republicans put them there. Because their own will put them there. Something to think about.


Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Recession Over!!!???

Wait for it. One minute in. Happy Days are here again.

WHY DO WE KEEP THINKING ABOUT 'DATE NIGHT'?. Well, gee. That was easy. And to think we've been worried all this time. All we had to do was wait for God to wave his wand. You didn't know Obama was God? Well, here you go (h/t Hotair).

As a religious moment, we'd put it right up there with learning that Tiger is Jesus.

If we had to guess, though, we'd pick Tiger as the one who doesn't take such comparisons seriously. And by 'seriously' we mean dead-seriously.

Is anybody else out there scared absolutely to death? Yes. There's a guy at Big Hollywood who's talking about Greek tragedy, especially hubris and the spiritual crime it represented to the ancients:

The next element of tragedy is hubris. The hero feels entitled, that his abilities will allow him to overcome fate and to violate moral law without consequence. Mr. Obama, also like Oedipus, is afflicted by the sin of hubris. In Ancient Greece that overwhelming sense of pride and entitlement was considered not only a character flaw but was a crime. The Greeks felt that pride often led to poor judgment and unnecessary acts of violence against ones enemies. Acts of hubris were often hypocritical and would, in Greek drama, eventually lead to the protagonist’s downfall. We see this in Mr. Obama recent “date night” in New York City.

During the months prior, the President had been critical of corporate executives excesses, especially for their flying around in private jets. He mentioned it several times during the lead up to the bailouts and when auto industry executives came to Washington. Yet he sees no problem or hypocrisy in his taking three jets on personal business to New York. It might be interesting to note that the Greek word for actor was “hypocrites,” which is the etymological root for the English word “hypocrite.”

That is where our drama stands after almost five months. The stage is set and we are at intermission. So what comes next? While President Obama dabbles in auto manufacturing, health care and giving speeches in Egypt, he doesn’t see or hear that the chorus is singing a song of warning. He is distracted by his false nemesis; be it talk radio hosts, corporate executives or whatever boogie man is convenient at the moment.

In classical tragedy the next element is catastrophe, the event that leads to a complete reversal of fortune. What will that event be? For Obama, it is hard to say – but there’s no doubt that in his mind it will not have been his fault.

Biggest problem? Obama's catastrophe will also be ours. Sleep tight.

P.S. My voice is deeper, but the tone of this is utterly consistent with my own perspective -- and rage:

Mark Levin on Colin Powell and Newt Gingrich.

What's going on is making me physically ill. You can't yell all the time without losing your voice. But I'm yelling in my mind every minute of every day. My country is dying. While some of you are waxing irate about WWII octogenarians, your protectiveness about arrogant star turns by the first family, and the case to be made for murdering our moral opponents. Yeccch.

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