January 18, 2012 - January 11, 2012
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Best in Show.
Her name is
GET ONE JUST BECAUSE THEY'RE FAMOUS NOW. I have a tee-shirt that
says, "No, it's a deerhound." Because everybody asks if it's an Irish
Wolfhound. I expect more of them will know now that it isn't. All you
really have to do is see them move. No other breed flows quite like that.
I'm posting this post because how could I not? Raebert doesn't care.
He's lying on his back on his own loveseat, looking exactly like an
unmade bed. Brush him up and he looks exactly like Hickory. All
deerhounds look exactly like all other deerhounds, except for details
of their faces, which make them all unique. Biggest moment? After the
announcement was made, the handler bent immediately to get what we call
"the sighthound hug." The best moment you can have with any kind of
dog. She knows. That's all that really matters.
End of post.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Not a bad wrap-up
at all. 75% right is a high batting average in these matters.
THE SAME DAY. I told you we had a visit from the daughter-child,
and she asked
if we were going to watch the Grammies, at which I laughed dismissively
immediately surprised to hear Mrs. CP say, "Yes, indeedy." So we did.
The first couple of hours anyway.
Years since I watched one of these things. But I'm glad I did. The only
acts I really hated were Christina Aguilera trying to channel Aretha
Franklin and the F*** You
song performed by Gwyneth Paltrow and a huge guy so gay looking that
Elton John tried calling to protest his costume but couldn't get
through because the ghost of Liberace was screaming bloody murder
across all the available phone lines. At the risk of sounding nasty, I
would like to see Christina Aguilera locked in a closet until
therapists can convince her there's no such thing as a race-change
operation. And I want Gwyneth Paltrow to just please go away, as far
and forever as possible.
But other than that, I was (gulp) pleasantly surprised, mostly. For
example, I'm definitely a latecomer to the Lady Gaga phenomenon, but I
actually get what she's up to. She's doing her own inspired satire of
the whole female pop star routine; her 'shocking' performance was
simultaneously a tribute to Madonna and a brilliant sendup of Madonna.
It's performance art. What I know for sure? She definitely has a head
(or two) on her shoulders, even if they're coneheads. Madonna should
feel flattered and more than a little uneasy. I can see Lady Gaga a few
years down the road reinventing herself not as a pseudo-Brit aristocrat
but a cold-blooded, bespectacled commodities trader with a corner on the tin market.
Here's my real takeaway. Most of these young stars are genuinely
talented, if not always my personal cup of tea. The young female
singers can actually sing, including Rihanna and Katie Perry. Even the
freakish Justin Bieber can sing far better than the dreary boy bands of
old. Motown seems to be making a comeback via Bruno Mars, with echoes
of the Temptations (synchronized dancing by backup singers, anyone?),
Sam Cooke, Marvin Gaye, and Smokey Robinson, even if they're still
young and derivative to my old ears. And they've all seemingly
rediscovered the charm of dressing up for big occasions. Phony anger is
on the wane. They're happy to be famous and pleased to perform. Rap is
fading -- Eminem's riveting on-stage command notwithstanding -- and
rock and roll is dead as a doornail. A band strongly reminiscent of the
Cure (uh, Muse) won best rock album against a geriatric slagpile
consisting of Neil Young, Tom Petty, Pearl Jam, and Jeff Beck (!!!!)
I truly enjoyed the Mumford & Sons/Avett Brothers segment even when
they tried to wreck it with an appearance by Bob Dylan. They were all
so clearly enjoying themselves just making music, and the Mumford lead
singer is someone we identified months ago as a genuinely affecting
Of course I have quibbles. I don't see the appeal of Lady Antebellum or
the other country newcomer, Miranda Lambert. Sorry. Mumford & Sons
should have won best new artist. And I still know nothing about Arcade
Fire, who won best record or something. But I was entertained and not
offended, excepting the exceptions noted above, and I am happy to
concede that it's an improvement not to have to put up with Grace Slick
projectile-vomiting on stage, Cher issuing political pronouncements
from the depths of her moron mind, or gold-toothed assholes sporting
guns and invitations to hump in the back seat of their rented Bentleys.
Never let it be said that when there's progress I refuse to admit it.
I went to bed before Jagger performed. Isn't that a humbling confession
But the chick up top said he still rocks. That's some measure of
vindication for us old farts who couldn't stay awake long enough to
watch. Isn't it?
Just for Mrs. CP. She fell asleep even before I did and missed
Eminem. She likes Eminem.
So do I. Rihanna can sing, and Eminem is a f***ing force of nature. I
will never apologize for this position. (The True Test: He's better
live than in the video.)
should know. (btw, in her continuing revitalization program, she just gave me a Kindle for V-Day. Thereby opening up the whole world of e-books and such to her dinosaur husband. I think she intends to get me published. She's been impossible since she got her I-phone. Are you ready?)
Monday, February 14, 2011
A NEW SUBJECT (NO.8). Yesterday my (step)daughter came to visit us
and I'd been saving something for her. Maybe a couple of things. She
hadn't seen Raebert
in a while, but she was devoted to Psmith
so I didn't think it would be a shock to see the new boy a year old. I
was wrong. "I don't believe it," she said. "He's already bigger than
Mrs. CP threw me a 'told you so' look. She's been saying that for
weeks. Okay. I hadn't noticed. Sure he's big. Psmith was too. I didn't
know Raebert was gigantic.
When you see someone every day, you don't perceive these things right
away. Sue me.
What I'd been saving for her was the movie Secretariat. Not that she's a
sports fan, or a horse-racing fan. She's at that critical age, a couple
years after college graduation, when the realities of the job, working
for a living, and the constant tradeoffs and compromises life insists
you make on behalf of everyone else are beginning to dent your youthful
dreams. Maybe ambition is necessarily deterred by a process of slow
retreat from the very best you could hope for. Maybe you have to
settle. I don't want that for her.
We had brunch and then I racked up Secretariat. The movie was just
beginning and then Raebert returned from his midday outing and started
showing off for her. She laughed. "We start a movie about a horse, and
a horse walks in... Ha!"
I didn't want him to be a distraction. Secretariat is my favorite movie
since Last of the Mohicans.
Mostly because the story it tells is true and I remember it as it
happened. It's not a documentary, but the facts are on record. The
people who were privileged to be alive and sentient back in 1973
witnessed something inconceivable, impossible, permanently
unforgettable. Beyond all fiction, beyond imagining. Secretariat's
performance in the Belmont Stakes is one of the greatest achievements I
have ever been favored to see as it happened in real time. For me it's
right up there with seeing men walk on the moon.
And the movie does justice to the reality. More importantly, the movie
is a record of another only slightly less implausible reality -- the
woman, yeah, the housewife,
who owned Secretariat and refused to sell him or take any other easy
way out because she believed in him and wanted to see him run.
Those of you who follow InstaPunk know that I don't watch many movies
more than once. We got this thing a couple weeks ago -- Mrs. CP in her
infinite wisdom bought the DVD the instant it became available, which
she never does -- and I've seen it four times so far.
I didn't know if the daughter completely got it. But then, as she was leaving,
Mrs. CP asked her what she thought, and she said, "It's a heart story."
Which is the absolute spiritual and anatomical truth of it. When
Secretariat died in 1989, it was discovered during the post-mortem that
his heart was twice the size of any other horse's ever.
My Valentine's Day gift to you all. See the movie, and by all means buy
the DVD. The Special Features section includes all three of the Triple
Crown races that made Secretariat the greatest racehorse who ever lived.
They're even more glorious than the movie treatment. I am still reduced
nearly to tears by the racetrack announcer describing Secretariat in
the back stretch at Belmont as "a tremendous machine," still accelerating away
from every other horse long after the race was definitely won.
The final gap between Secretariat and Sham was 31
lengths. (And Secretariat himself makes the actor horses who played him
look small and insignificant.) People who were closest to him use words
like "surreal," and "supernatural" to describe what happened that day
at the Belmont Stakes. They all insist that he knew exactly what he was
doing the whole time. After all, Secretariat had made a whole career
out of starting last and then passing every other horse from the
outside for the fun of passing them by running farther than they did to
victory. It was only at the Belmont that he ran to the lead from the
gate. Like maybe he knew he'd been criticized as just a "speed horse"
and wanted to set the record straight.
Sigh. Why I keep watching life unfold like a wrinkled masterpiece....
The only sad note concerns the racehorse Sham, who finished second to
Secretariat in all three Triple Crown races. He also broke the record for fastest
Kentucky Derby and fastest Preakness, right behind Secretariat.
If there had been no "perfect horse," no "horse designed by God," Sham
would have been a gloried Triple Crown winner.
Another reminder to all of us. Sometimes God forgets himself enough to
just plain show off.
But sometimes the finger of God does reach into our lives and touch us
all. Why we must keep paying attention. You go, girl.
And Raebert, YOU lie down. I'm not going to tell you again.
Brizoni (bless his heart, irony intended) weighed in with the actual call and aftermath.
uh. Never before. Never again.
Friday, February 11, 2011
The Deja Vu Nightmare
WE SAID. All those people who foresaw Obama as another Jimmy
couldn't write this scenario. Carter sat on his hands bleating about
human rights while Islamist terrorists took over Iran. We've been
paying the price of that hubris for 30 years. But at least Carter had a
linchstone peace between Egypt and Israel to boast of, regardless of
what role he really played in effecting it.
Obama doesn't have even that. He's going to lose Egypt the way Carter
lost Iran without any
mitigating circumstances. You don't have to be a conservative to wonder
if the president is even paying close attention to the crisis, given
the missteps, misstatements, flat-out fumbles, and alternately too
stern and too weak pronouncements from the Oval Office. His CIA
director knows only what he reads in the newspapers. His Director of
National Intelligence doesn't know that the organization which fathered
Hizbollah, Hamas, and al qaeda -- the Muslim Brotherhood -- is not a secular oganization. Is The One perhaps too busy golfing
and filling in his March Madness card to realize that what happens in
Egypt over the next day or two is potentially more portentous than the
fall of the Soviet Union or the dismantling of the Berlin Wall?
Egypt's peace with Israel has prevented countless wars and full-fledged
genocide against Israel for 30 years. Now, clumsy kibbitzing by an
administration that has been tone deaf in all its foreign policy for two
years threatens to culminate in the kind of generational disaster that
only rank amateurs can inflict on the world.
I saw a former actor, Wayne Rogers, try to blame the American people by
inference. Yes, they care about gas prices but they don't know the Suez
Canal from the Rio Grande as a vital global waterway. Screw that. The
first constitutional priority of the American presidency is to protect
people from threats foreign and domestic, even the ones that don't show
up big in the polls.
We're looking straight down the barrel of the Islamist gun. How many
Americans will lose their hopes for the future -- and their hopes for
their children -- because of the oil shock, terrorism, and other
unexamined consequences of this utterly unforeseen disaster? How many
American troops are now, suddenly, destined to die stanching the
bleeding in this most barbaric portion of the global economy, which the
current administration has worked overtime to make more rather than
less pivotal to our national well being? (Of course we can't drill within
or off our shores... Gotta be Green, dontcha know?)
I do fault one sector of the American people, the cynical
intelligentisia and press who sold Obama like divine soap to a
traumatized public when they must have known what anyone of their
supposed intelligence should know -- that fine words are crap without
the character, resolve and sense of duty that make them mean what they
seem to be saying.
Lincoln didn't win the Civil War with the Gettysbug Address. He won it
with Grant, Sherman, and Sheridan. His two minute speech in
Pennsylvania was simply a reminder of why he was so committed to his
We have a president who makes lots of banal speeches. There is no time
at which he has demonstrated any ability to act, let alone act
decisively, swiftly, or competently on
behalf of the people he swore to serve.
Where are we? Defenseless ourselves in a world that depends on us to
defend them from harm, no matter how much they resent us for it. What
do we have instead? An empty suit who keeps smiling and explaining away
his blunders while the world burns down around our heads.
The worst things that happen can happen in an instant. Paying for
single moments of neglect, incompetence, and arrogance can take
Welcome to the unintended consequences of willfully blind idealism,
unless idealism is really rigid ideology instead. All
of you who voted for Obama -- look yourselves in the mirror and feel
the shame you deserve. You'll pay in other serious ways, but the shame
you'll be inclined to duck. That's why I'm here. I don't propose to let
you duck. You're an accomplice in everything terrible, genocidal, and
economically catstrophic that flows from this moment. Wriggle and
rationalize and writhe away from accountability all you want. I won't
let you get away.
When Egypt falls to the Muslim Brotherhood, YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE. And we shall not