Forgive the impertinence, and my
chronology might be a bit off, but were you in the correct age range
for Vietnam? I know, I know. The answer is buried in the trackbacks and
anathema sit upon my head for not checking. S-2 deferment, I'm thinking.
On a side note, the great author and WW2
Veteran Paul Fussell died on May 23rd. R.I.P.
God bless those Jews by the way; they
only make up 2/10ths of 1% of the American Military, but man do they
make some swinging music.
Enough figures in there to make any argument you want to about anyone.
Including the fact that white first-string football players from
Cincinnati join the military, uh, almost never. Yeah, we could talk nths of
one percent for hale and hearty white boys, too, Joe.
But it's important to beat up on the Jews, isn't it, Joe? They're so
awful. They have the unconscionable nerve to be smarter, better
educated, and more accomplished than you. I've compiled some
statistics, so I'm going to cite them even though they mean nothing.
Twelve Jews in the NFL, out of 1500 players. Two Jews in the NBA, out
of 500 (And who hasn't seen the little balding Jew who's obsessed with
the NBA and spends all his time organizing pickup games at the YMHA?
Please.) Do the math. Nearly six million Jews in the U.S., seven
million in Israel, and every adolescent Jew in Israel is required to
provide military service. So Jews are cowards? Hardly. U.S. Jews are
cowards? Not so fast. Maybe they're the ones who have something else to
I know what that something else is. Sorry to burst anybody's tribal
bubble. But the good news is that American exceptionalism isn't a
highbrow conceptual myth. It's the reality that's going to save our
I've written about this before. But you never understood it as anything
but travel advice. Europeans hate
each other. Hate everything about each other. Cars, faces, languages,
histories, personalities. Why the European Union was always doomed. Why
the whole world is doomed. Every African country hates every other.
Every South-American nation hates every other because everyone's a
native and a Spaniard or a Portuguese, and who should we kill(?),
although be damned sure we'll kill somebody and everybody in
perpetuity. Every Asian nation hates every other, and it's racial. Japanese hate Korean and
Chinese and Indochinese, and every other Asian race hates the
Japanese because they're rich, can grow bushy beards, and are almost as
cruel as Koreans. And absolutely everybody everywhere hates the
Indians. They smell worse than everybody but Arabs, they both have
totally fucked religions, and the way they are about about money makes
Jews look generous. How bad can it get?
Or how good can it get get? The multicultural delusion. Let's take a
subset. The United Kingdom plus free Ireland. They've all been hating
each other for centuries. Who's they? England, Scotland, Wales,
Ireland, Northern Ireland, plus Isle of Man and other bullshit domains
like, say, the half a billion people of India till 1949.
The whole U.K. is smaller than California. Immaterial. What's material
is that the U.S. constitution, rule of law, and/or our melting pot
culture -- whatever you credit given your stupid misunderstandings of
history and political philosophy -- have resulted in a place where no
single tribe gets to rule. That's the exception. Everywhere else one
tribe does ultimately rule. What they're duelling about in the E.U.
right now. The French? The Germans? The Flems? The Brits? Oh,
that's right. The same people who always did run the show after the Golden Age
of Colonial Imperialism none of the losers of that age will ever EVER forget.
All doomed. Awful. End of human race.
Shit. Then there's America. Where people still hate each other for the
tiniest differences, but not really so much. Where the really evil,
soul-destroying economic system called capitalism encourages (gasp)
people to work with another even if they don't go to each other's
weddings. And Irish cops go to Greek diners and Italians run as many
restaurants and strip bars as they do major corporations, and women of
every oppressed ethnicity (all) become media network tycoons, and Jews
-- run out of every nation on earth -- become the fathers of what every
nation calls the best movies, music, and concert entertainment on earth,
and a black race given respect nowhere else drives three successive
waves of music across the whole fucking benighted planet, not to mention a sport (thankfully!) better than, uh, soccer.
Know what? I really am tired. I have prep-school and Ivy League friends
who sneer at American exceptionalism. I have gun-toting righty friends
who think that what is uniquely American cannot possibly survive for
another season because of them. Or us.
I only keep coming back because I know better.The American Jews are
here -- no conspiracy, just extremism being its own reward -- because
they feel that this melting
pot really is unique in human history. All the tribes -- meaning every
other so-called nation in history -- are reduced to jokes in the great
American pot. Maybe they do
want to run the pot and set its boiling point, but God has punchlines of his
own. He can chasten his Chosen. No, you can't all go to Harvard. Quotas
work both ways. Learn more about your precious law. Really bad people
can and will kill you. Sorry. Take it from me, God. I have said this.
And if you forget your roots and where and what you came from, Persia
can ABSOLUTELY fucking kill you all.
But that's why the Jews in America can also learn a lesson, that they
have the rest of us -- somebody please fill in all the hundred
immigrant nationalities I can't think of right now -- to prove the
biggest American point of all. STOP looking for the smartest guy in the
room. uh, he ain't what the doctor ordered. WE're the smartest guy in the room, maybe the world, and some of us live in trailer parks. Sorry to break it to you. Sholom
Friday, May 25, 2012
MOUTH. I'm thinking about a lot of things this weekend. I'm thinking people
are tired of war and they want it all to be over. If only it were
that simple. Two more wars we're not allowed to win because the president would rather not. I'm thinking of a commander-in-chief who has said in
the last week or so that American troops are "fighting on my
behalf," which sickens me. They are fighting for us and the ideas that unite us.
Enough said. (Although I will provide a relevant link to a
president who knew better.)
Memorial Day is the official beginning of summer, regardless of what
the calendar says. We do cookouts, picnics, fun stuff. Asking people
to think of the battlefield dead and cemeteries laid out in neat
rows of headstones and flags is perhaps too much to ask. Or if not
too much to ask, too much to expect. So I'm taking a different tack
this year. I'm asking you to think not of cemeteries but of life. I
have a particular touchstone in mind -- Aaron Copland.
He's regarded as the father of archetypally American classical
Gershwin should get equal laurels in this regard. Jews both of
them. Which I mention only because I'm also thinking in this year
of all years how close our country is coming to abandoning a sacred
trust -- black muslims and Paulistas may now reach across the pews
to shake hands and wish each other peace -- that maybe only the
veterans among us truly understand because the words involved are
"sacred" and "trust." Unless most of the rest of us Americans also
know and are just pretending that it's okay to pay no attention
while the storm clouds gather over Israel and our government shames us
daily even as our most privileged
universities begin to resemble the S.S.
But forget all that for now. We have burgers to barbecue and
softball games to play. That's what I'm asking us all to think of
this weekend. The life that slain soldiers, sailors, airmen, and
marines never got to live because they died for a conception of
freedom we seem increasingly anxious to surrender for government
handouts. Sorry. I shouldn't be political on this solemn occasion.
Forget politics. Here's what I'm thinking, rendered in music:
Copland was born in Brooklyn. Unlike many classical musicians he had
that elusive "common touch." His music sounds distinctly American.
Appalachian Spring. Billy the Kid.
a short piece I'd like you all to keep hearing in your heads all
weekend. Fanfare for the Common Man.
(I picked this file for the
sound quality, not the Gaian visuals.)
Use it as your soundtrack when you fire up the grill. And think of
all the other common men who aren't firing up the grill this
weekend. Because they gave their lives so you could.
No, it's not a bummer. It's what they chose as a fair risk to take. Just be grateful.
And add an extra smile to the wife and kids for them. Because
whatever ticks you off this weekend wouldn't bother them at all.
They'd much rather be here than not.