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Sunday, May 23, 2004

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A Tale of Two Bikes

Bush's mountain bike (top or left) and Kerry's Cape Cod cruiser (bottom or right)

GRACE. President Bush suffered some "cuts and bruises" after a fall from his mountain bike Saturday. According to the Associated Press:

Bush was on the 16th mile of a 17-mile ride when he fell, Duffy said. He was riding with a military aide, members of the Secret Service and his personal physician, Dr. Richard Tubb.

"He had minor abrasions and scratches on his chin, upper lip, nose, right hand and both knees," Duffy said. "Dr. Tubb, who was with him, cleaned his scratches, said he was fine. The Secret Service offered to drive him back to the house. He declined and finished his ride."

Bush was wearing his bike helmet and a mouth guard when the mishap occurred. Duffy said he didn't know exactly how the accident happened.

"It's been raining a lot and the topsoil is loose," the spokesman said. "You know this president. He likes to go all out. Suffice it to say he wasn't whistling show tunes."

Unaccountably, Bush failed to curse at the Secret Service agents who witnessed his tumble. Further, he failed to claim that he never falls. The White House spokesman, Trent Duffy, wouldn't confirm that these mental lapses were being studied by the president's physicians, though a Kerry campaign aide questioned the administration's reticence on this point, noting that the Secret Service has not announced an investigation of the offending bike.

"If it's not the fault of Secret Service agents or the bike," said the aide, "then the accident can only be due to the president's own deficiencies. These should be looked into by qualified specialists for the good of the nation."

Following a bicycle mishap suffered by Kerry some weeks ago, the senator's custom-built Cape Cod cruiser was investigated, determined to be culpable, and "put down humanely," according to the Kerry campaign's press office.


Kerry with his cruiser in happier days (left) and upon learning of its demise (right)

Meanwhile, Drudge is reporting that when told of Bush's accident, Kerry told [sic] reporters in front of cameras, 'Did the training wheels fall off?'... Reporters are debating whether to treat it is as on or off the record..







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