Monday, May 07, 2007

A Pair of Sad Sparrows

Plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose.

PSAYINGS.5Q.56. Oh, what might have been... It all seemed so close. Hillary and Segolene as the first two popularly elected female Presidents on earth. We were even noodling out the best way of paraphrasing the first sentences of Charles Dickens's masterpiece about another great revolutionary era.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times,
it was the age of [leftwing] wisdom, it was the age of [rightwing] foolishness,
it was the epoch of belief [in Allah], it was the epoch of incredulity [in God],
it was the season of Light [in the blue states], it was the season of Darkness [in the red states],
it was the spring of hope [in Iran], it was the winter of despair [in Iraq],
we had everything before us [because the liberals were finally in charge], we had nothing before us [because of the looming apocalypse of Global Warming],
we some of us were all going direct to [Suicide-Bomber] Heaven, we some of us were all going direct the other way--in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil ungood, in the superlative degree of comparison only.

There was a king with a large jaw and a queen with a plain face on the throne of England America; there was a king with a large jaw and a queen with a fair face on the throne of France...

The saddest part is that the Royal queen who should have ascended the throne of France was betrayed by the very peeps who once knitted ruthlessly through the execution of the tyrannical aristocracy patriarchy over two centuries ago -- the women.

Socialist Segolene Royal failed to win over a majority of women voters in France's presidential election and may have paid a price for focusing too much on her gender at the expense of promoting her policies.

Only 48 percent of women voted for Royal, according to an Ipsos poll conducted on election day on Sunday, while 52 percent supported rightist rival and overall winner Nicolas Sarkozy.

It's like Madame DeFarge cheering on the Scarlet Pimpernel. Ugh.

It seems like a double catastrophe. If this can happen in France, where bold women are regarded as magical, mystical, beautiful and wise, why wouldn't it happen likewise in America, where bold women are regarded as scheming, grating, opportunistic harridans in pantsuits, who ruthlessly carpetbag their way to senate seats on the strength of having married the nation's most popular lecher? Is the great dream in danger of being dashed altogether?

Have the women of France and the U.S. been hurled all the way back to the tragically oppressive fifties and sixties in a single blow?

Perhaps not. Segolene hasn't lost all her powers just because she didn't capture one particular seat of power. She's still a mighty attractive woman.

The chapeau needs some retooling, though.

Moreover, she's already demonstrated that she's still got the magical, mystical mojo on her side. She hadn't even lost yet when she started predicting what would happen if the French made the mistake of choosing Sarkozy over the divine right of woman.

France risks violence and brutality if right-winger Nicolas Sarkozy wins Sunday's presidential election, his Socialist opponent Segolene Royal said on Friday.

On the last day of official campaigning, opinion polls showed Sarkozy enjoyed a commanding lead over Royal, who accused the former interior minister of lying and polarizing France.

"Choosing Nicolas Sarkozy would be a dangerous choice," Royal told RTL radio.

"It is my responsibility today to alert people to the risk of (his) candidature with regards to the violence and brutality that would be unleashed in the country (if he won)," she said.

Pressed on whether there would actually be violence, Royal said: "I think so, I think so," referring specifically to France's volatile suburbs hit by widespread rioting in 2005.

Was she right? Of course. Aren't women always right about what the dumber, more violent sex is likely to do? Especially when they've had the chance to drop some sharp hints about what they expect their admirers to do... or no more blue bikini shots.

French riot police fired tear gas and water cannon at youths lobbing bottles and stones in central Paris to protest the election of Nicolas Sarkozy as president on Sunday.

A number of similar incidents involving thousands of anti-Sarkozy protesters were reported in the suburbs.

Police said at least four police officers and one civilian were injured in the Place de la Bastille confrontation in central Paris, but did not say whether arrests were made...

There were anti-Sarkozy demonstrations in cities across France on Sunday night, with minor scuffles between police and protestors reported in Lille in the north, Toulouse in the southwest, Lyon in the southeast and Nancy and Metz in the east.

The Paris suburbs, where the riots began before quickly spreading across France, were mostly quiet by Sunday night after Sarkozy's victory.

But police reported that youths had burned several dozen vehicles.

In the Mediterranean port of Marseille, police dispersed around 300 protestors with tear gas.

The crowd, hiding behind a barricade of burning garbage cans, taunted police for several hours before dispersing.

La Vie en Rose

C'est l'Amour

Un Ouragan de Toi

In short, Segolene can say, quite honestly, "Je ne regrette rien." We recommend the immediate launch of her singing career, modeled after that of the immortal Edith Piaf, dedicated to endless delineation of the tragedies that will befall everyone in France if the nation continues to pursue policies that are pro-capitalist, pro-law-and-order, pro-western-civilization, and pro-American (well, you know, it's all relative...). She can dress in black, mount the stage in near-total darkness, and sing hauntingly of the miseries caused by working more than 35 hours a week in jobs from which you can be gratuitously fired for laziness or incompetence. She can reduce everyone to tears with songs about how annihilating it is to get arrested for burning cars every night when any decent person would recognize how virtuous arson is if you live in a country where they don't give you your own chateau unless you speak the native language and bathe twice a month.

You know. She can break their hearts. Relentlessly and mercilessly. Until everyone feels so guilty and despairing they give in to whatever she wants. That is the primal power of the superior sex, isn't it? We feel supremely confident Segolene Royal can manage it. There's nothing wrong with being a Little Sparrow for a while if you can use the wounded bird routine to metamorphose into the eagle of Napoleon. N'est-ce pas? Mais oui.

And, Hillary, don't be an ass. Just this once. Take notes every step of the way. Sego may not be the sharpest pencil in the box, but she's got the woman thing down cold. Just look at her campaign workers reacting to her defeat.

Sacre bleu. Tout le monde est merde.

If you can generate that degree of existential despair in your gofers, you'll win in a walk.

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