Friday, June 22, 2007

Feet of Clay

Oxymoron of the Week: Los Angeles Conservative

SIGH. People are always saying, "InstaPunk, why can't you be nicer?" They say, "You make fun of Malkin, you're disrespectful to the Blogfather, you go out of your way to irritate Hugh Hewitt and son, you're downright mean to Ace of Spades and Protein Wisdom, you're too snide by half about Sean Hannity, you're actually crazed on the subject of Neal Boortz, and every time you attract the attention of the big conservative bloggers, all you do is piss them off."

True. I really should be nicer. You know. Hell, I've even been confrontational with LaShawn Barber, which is absolutely verboten on the righthand side of the blogosphere. And now I've made an enemy of the Duke of Los Angeles, Patterico. (Look at the comments. He comes back again and again and again. I got under his skin, I guess. You'll note that he never responds to the substance of my critique, only the legalism that I ascribed to him a thought he exemplified without explicitly endorsing.)

What's up with that? Is InstaPunk self-destructive? No. InstaPunk is merely honest. And fed up. Here's who he admires on the right: Thomas Sowell, Charles Krauthammer, and Mark Steyn. They're all writers, not bloggers. Most of the righty bloggers are tiresome mediocrities, and we can't help pointing it out when their posts make it too obvious. Thing is, the conservative cause really does need first-rate bloggers. It's a damn shame we don't have them.

Well, except for Glenn Reynolds. That man has a first-rate mind. You can actually see it dancing across the surface of the Internet like some waterbug who's on every watercourse at once without ever sinking. He's a prototype of the glorious future of the human mind -- constantly, dynamically referential, with a nose that pokes into absolutely everything and yet never gets out of joint. I admire him more than I can say. It's just that he's not punk enough. He'd much rather link than fight. Which is his prerogative, of course. That's why I feel compelled to tweak his nose from time to time. He responds creatively to the experience. "Oh," he says, and lays out a new field of references as numerous as ripples on a river.

It's all the other conservative combatants I get tired of. They can dish it out, but they can't take it. They march off to their various little wars, but if you have the gall to disagree, they shut down like a bunch of little girls who can't believe anyone would flout their whims. You can't possibly know how depressing this is to InstaPunk, who is mostly older than they are and who finds it utterly incredible that self-styled conservatives are so hyper-sensitive about being criticized. It's like getting into the ring with a supposedly great prizefighter who starts snuffling and tearing up at the first jab that penetrates his guard.

There are great matters at stake in the world of today. The bloggers on the left are warriors. They're not smart, but they're game. The bloggers on the right are, sad to say, pussies. They have no real taste for combat. They have no stomach for debate. It's a sad state of affairs. They're little girls playing in the pool. And, yes, Patterico, I'm talking about you, too. Quit worrying about whether I was mistaken in ascribing to you a thought you linked and respond instead to the real charge I levied against you -- that you're an ignorant snob on the subject of popular culture. An adult male who doesn't know anything about Michael Schumacher or Annika Sorenstam is a wuss. And I'm tired of the fact that the battle for western civilization rests in the hands of so damn many wusses.

As for the rest of you -- Boortz, Goldstein, Ace, et al -- get over your fragile egos and learn how to fucking write. And the ones who do know how to write, like, say, Dean Barnett, learn how to fight without shrieking every time some prole bloodies your nose. That's why InstaPunk is here. To make you tough enough to go fifteen rounds in the only ring that matters -- the debate over how our nation might best survive the ordeals ahead.

We know our place. We're the right-wing blog the right-wingers hate. Because we recognize mediocrity every time we see it, and we're not afraid to call you on it. So be it.

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