Thursday, July 12, 2007
The Coulter Test
She's our Medusa.
WOMEN. It's so easy to be a conservative who disapproves of Ann Coulter. In fact, it's almost required. It's how conservatives of a certain stripe try to prove they're as civilized as their liberal friends.
Some have other motives. Mrs. IP can't stand her, even though Mrs. IP makes Coulter look like a wimp on many matters of public policy. For example, Coulter -- to my knowledge, at least -- has never been in favor of killing all the muslims just because. Mrs. IP dislikes the Hated One because she's a bit loose with her research and seems to enjoy appearing on TV with her avowed enemies too much. Those are valid criticisms. But they're not sufficient for people -- myself included -- who pay close attention to politics on a daily basis and know what's going on in the mainstream media.
Here's the bottom line. If you claim to be a conservative, the only position you can take with regard to Ann Coulter is as a cheerleader. Why? Two reasons.
First, because she's a natural lightning rod. Every single time the lefties accuse conservatives of of being heartless and mean, their first citation is of Ann Coulter -- because there's no other they can cite. Their constant repetitions of the same old crap prove how threadbare their case is. "She wanted the 9/11 terrorists to blow up the New York Times Building." (Cool.) "She called John Edwards a fag." (Accurate.) "She had the nerve to diss cancer-stricken Elizabeth Edwards when that great lady confronted her about scorning John Edwards." (Poor boy.) What an awful bitch. Except that she's not. She's just a counter-puncher with an honest-to-God sense of humor. The best one we have. Conservatives have become sissies. Hit them and they bleed. Ask them who hit them and they can never remember the numbers on the license plate or even what state the offending vehicle came from. Kansas State is perpetually cowed by a hit-and-run driver from Harvard. If that were just an anecdote, it wouldn't be a problem.
It isn't just an anecdote. All the Republicans are from Kansas State. They never have the guts to accuse Democrats of anything. They continue with the "my great friend from Massachusetts" shtick while their "great friend from Massachusetts" accuses them of everything under the sun, including illegal earmarks just like the illegal earmarks senators from Massachusetts live on. Coulter's willingness to whomp on this kind of bullshit gets her pilloried on a regular basis. And it deflects the abuse conservatives would receive if they admitted that John Edwards is a callow, empty suit and Hillary is a cold-hearted castrating cunt.
Second, because the libs are right. Coulter is a killer, Clint Eastwood in a skirt. She has the guts to say what most conservatives won't. She's a good attorney and a smart woman. She's posed questions no one else will. (No one but us, that is.) Why did we ever give women the vote? It's been downhill for freedom and limited government ever since. Why do we insist on pretending that America-hating traitors like Schumer, Kennedy, Reid, and Pelosi have to be regarded as patriots when they're clearly our enemies? Their dearest desire is for the United States to lose the war we're fighting. Why aren't we supposed to notice that or call it what it is? Treason. I hate to say it but Mrs. IP is wrong for once. Coulter enjoys taking the heat for speaking the truth. That's why the lefties hate her so much.
Yeah, it is impolite to call traitors treasonous. Real democracy is all about pretending that traitors are mostly patriots, just coming at the great issues of the day from a whole different perspective. Right.
Here's what all real conservatives know. Coulter says what most of us think. She's mild and incredibly diplomatic in what she says. All the outrage conservatives express about her is nothing more than the guilty fear of the politically correct and the politically frightened. Coulter uses humor to blunt the ferocity of her disdain, not to exacerbate it. Like every other conservative who actually cares about whether the United States survives or not, she speaks her piece because she has to, not because she's trying to make a buck. Every day, she moderates her language and selects humor over pure rage because she's decided that pure rage is counter-productive.
Right now, though, I'm thinking she might be wrong. Yeah, I agree she should brush up on her research. Her LEXIS/NEXIS searches are suspect. And maybe she's getting too long in the tooth for incredibly short pencil skirts. (A lot of us men, believe it or not, are more interested in what's inside her head than what's up her skirt...) But her female intuition is dead on the money. Maybe she should prefer charges instead of jokes. She does still have a law degree, doesn't she? If she started using it again, that would be fun.
Do you have the balls to stand with her and defend her? I thought not.
UPDATE. So, today, a Nobel Peace Prize Winner said she wished she could kill George W. Bush. She's Irish, of course. Actually, I don't mind that she's a pagan savage. What's one more ruthless killer bitch in the mix? Nothing. It's just that if you were to cite her as an example of the fact that lefty 'pacifists' can't ever seem to stop talking about murdering, raping, and castrating their political opponents, the usual chorus of lefty bloggers would instantaneously sit up on their hind legs and recite all the terrible things Ann Coulter has said. This seems like a good place to point that out. And the fact that Coulter has never claimed to be a pacifist. As far as I know, she's pretty thoroughly in favor of killing. Especially phony pacifists.