Monday, December 03, 2007

Comfortably Dumb

NEWS ADVICE. We're sympathetic to Fox News. CBS, ABC, NBC, MSNBC, CNN and PBS are all staffed by snobs who learned their bias at the Harvard Crimson and Yale Daily News before getting their masters degrees at the Columbia School of Yellow Journalism. And for most of us, it's flat-out impossible to watch NBC's Today Show, ABC's Today Show, CBS's Today Show, CNBC's Crazy Quasi-Capitalist Today Show, or even MSNBC's Conservative-Turned-Media-Whore Morning Joe Today Show.

We've been patient. We've learned to put up with Steve Doucy, the self-styled Oscar Wilde of Kansas (although we always thought that honor belonged to Oscar Wilde). We've tolerated Brian Kilmeade, who's every bit as stupid, uneducated, and unlikable as he pretends to be. We've waited for Gretchen What's-her-Name to provide solid evidence that she graduated from Stanford as her bio claims. We've been forgiving of Alyson Camerota's penchant for rewriting teleprompter copy on the fly to be about her rather than the faceless millions. We've overlooked Greg Kelly's serial-killer-type personality profile (obsessing about Star Wars action figures and transformers YES, talking to women without being dumb-clumsy insulting NO) , Dr. Manny's unctuous infatuation with his own Reader's Digest-quality health tips, Kelly Wright's determined effort to live down to every stereotype about the saccharine dullness of born-again Oral Roberts graduates, and the ballooning midlife insanity of Wellesleyite Page Hopkins, who would like somebody to notice and perhaps have sex with her. After all, if Hillary can be President, Page can get laid. Right?

Hell, we've even learned to laugh at the constant misspellings in the ticker and the factual errors repeated segment after segment by the self-satisfied co-hosts. It's all early morning stuff, right?

Mostly it's better than Matt Lauer. And the other MSM terminators of the morning beat. But there is a line. Which was breached this morning.

CALLING ROGER AILES. Your Fox & Friends crew this morning told us about the Stacey Peterson case (6 times), the bride and groom who danced funky (4 times), the Washington Redskins tribute to Sean Taylor (3 times), the Puerto Rican beauty queen who may or may not have faked her hives (3 times), the high school students who wouldn't shower after gym class because they were afraid of camera phones (2 or 3 times), and your ticker ran off a lot of minutiae about Sean Taylor and Karl Rove's comical letter to Obama. BUT....

In the whole hour-and-a-half I watched while I was drinking coffee and trying to avoid ESPN because of the awful Eagles game yesterday, there was absolutely no mention of the biggest story of the day and perhaps the month: The electoral defeat of Hugo Chavez's bid to transform Venezuela's democracy into a dictatorship. He lost. And he conceded. That was HUGE NEWS, available as early as midnight last night.

F&F didn't mention Chavez. At all.

Fox News was a good idea. So was the Thunderbird.

Thunderbird 1955

But a good idea can be turned into a suicide pill (I note in passing that I at least can no longer find the Fox News bio page at all. Still, I'm resisting the urge to post a Henry Ford II bio with Freudian interpretations of the failed Edsel and its styling theme.). Here's the sad nadir of the Thunderbird.

Thunderbird 1980

Is that what you have in mind? Evolutionary change unto death?

Kilmeade, Doucy, And Camerota doing the news.

Count us out. As smart as Ailes is, he has to know that even conservatives can bail out to the Internet.

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