Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Ambush: 1400 Hours
Giuliani, McCain, and company know what they have to do to Huckabee.
SINCE YOU DIDN'T LISTEN... It's the Championship Round in Iowa. Like Billy Conn against Joe Louis, Mike Huckabee has outpointed the favorite(s) by dancing nimbly around the ring and somehow escaping any serious punishment, making his opposition look flatfooted by comparison:
Brimming with confidence, the suddenly laughing challenger moved in on Louis, telling him as he pulled the champion into a clinch, "You've got a fight on your hands, Joe." And Joe knew it as Conn punctuated his remark by banging both hands to the head, following up with a left to Louis' face and a right that landed squarely on Louis' jaw, which hung open in amazement and pain. Shuffling forward, a newly-frustrated Louis resorted to pushing Conn into the ropes and throwing one right as the quicker challenger retaliated with a right and a left to the head and a right to the body. Suddenly the fight was all Conn.
But this late in the fight, it's the time for sluggers, the time when the ones who are truly tough start stalking their victim across the ring in single-minded pursuit of a knockout. Giuliani and McCain in particular know what it is to be in a lowdown brawl, and they'll be going after Huckabee with all the lead pipes and baseball bats in their arsenal.
But Huckabee has a different agenda. He can just duck the pipes and bats as long as he's brought the right weapons for the one opponent he really has to bring down.
Baron von Huckabee knows who he's after...
That's why Mike's arsenal will look a little different.
Huck is ready.
But the Mormon Prince of Darkness is also ready. He has a stake-resistant suit of underwear and a Secret Weapon of the Latter Day Saints.
That's how Joseph Smith did it anyway.
So what's going to happen? Take a look at what transpires starting at two minutes into this clip.
Not a prediction. Just an intimation.
UPDATE FOLLOWING THE DEBATE. Wow. We were utterly and completely wrong. And, boy, are we disappointed. What a bunch of castrati. With the exception of Thompson (one time), Tancredo, and Keyes who resisted or ignored the Nurse Ratchet moderator. That's what really concerned us. These are the only ones -- let's face it, the doomed losers -- who seemed to make any sense. We also watched the Luntz dynamic audience response graphics Fox showed for each candidate as questions were responded to. In Iowa, at least, there are no more Republicans. Every time a response suggested that the federal government doesn't know best or shouldn't intervene, the ratings dipped into the throwaway zone. (Especially poor Alan. He's the only traditional old-school Republican in the bunch. Which makes him an angry pariah descending into the hell of moderate contempt.) McCain passed up his one opportunity to mend fences with legiimate conservatives by failing to cite his obnoxious support for amnesty as a mistake he would undo if given a second chance. He's an arrogant jerk. Romney's so smoothly and evenly above it all that we're beginning to wonder if he has any emotions at all; in fact, it seems possible he's a sociopath. Is he a serial killer, too? Truthfully, it wouldn't surprise us. Huckabee is absolutely the dumb yokel the Republican establishment fears he is, but none of the leading candidates showed the guts to confront him or make the obvious points. Ron Paul should be locked up. He's a monomaniac.
The only standout was the Des Moines Register moderator. She single-handedly transformed the whole debate into an episode of the Weakest Link.
[Uh, for those who didn't see the actual debate, the part of Mike Huckabee was played by 'Lorraine.'] Unless it was more like this.
Ladies and gentlemen, the Republican Party is doomed in the short term. Which makes us right after all. Because this would be infinitely better than what we've got -- namely, no candidates who are up to leading the most powerful nation in the world if it means standing up to an officious bitch when voters might be watching.
Dean Barnett? Hugh Hewitt? Don't you dare spin this as a win for Mitt Romney. Here's who he is. Is that what you really want? Well, most of us don't. And we're not that much dumber than you.