Friday, February 15, 2008

Indiana Jones and the Temple of
Incredibly Ancient Leading Men

Don't you just love the cameos by Bogart and Brando? And Greta
Garbo, Lon Chaney, Gloria Swanson, and Douglas Fairbanks, Sr?

TRAILER MAGIC. Wow. It's seems like a lifetime that we've been waiting for this sequel. Come to think of it, it has been a lifetime. But that only makes it all the sweeter. I mean, think of it, fellow old guys. This time, Harrison Ford gets to have a romance with Cate Blanchett, who is only maybe 40 years younger than he is. That's realistic, isn't it? I can't tell you how many times I've had to protect my honor with my cane against lovelorn women who could be my great granddaughter. That's why I have to use so much liniment.

Speaking of liniment, though, this may be the most painful movie to watch in all cinematic history. Can you even imagine the agonies Ford must have experienced in all those shots where he was trotting along waiting for the stunt double to leap in and do the fight/fall/jump/stand-up-quickly scene? From my standpointsitpoint, it's going to be a lot like watching an episode of CSI: maybe half the runtime devoted to averting my eyes from all the gruesome stretching, twisting, and climbing stairs.

But Karen Allen is still looking lovely, don't you think? And thank God for Shia Laboeuf. If he weren't there to star in every single movie that's been made since the Fall of 2006, who knows what we'd all do? Probably watch Jimmy Stewart on Turner Movie Classics. Come to think of it... maybe I'll go do that now.

What were we talking about?............... Oh. What?....... Wow. It seems like a lifetime that we've been waiting for...

Huh? Is it really time for my jello? Cool.

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