Tuesday, June 10, 2008

The great thing about atheists is....

I'll explain later, I promise...

THERE IS NO GOD? I normally use Rachel Lucas's site to cheer myself up when I'm having a bad day. She seems immune from most of the downers that afflict us ordinary folks, and she makes it possible to believe that a defiant quip really does suffice to banish the blues. So imagine my surprise upon discovering that she had made herself a target for abuse in a moment of personal vulnerability, when she was soliciting good wishes for an ailing loved one. (I know that a lot of you will immediately go to her site to tender best wishes for her boyfriend's father, so there's no need to suggest it....) But what really knocked me for a loop was the news that the abuse was coming from atheists. Because she quoted, in the course of discussing the medical crisis, the old chestnut that "there are no atheists in foxholes."

Never mind the fact that Rachel is herself an atheist, or at least an agnostic, despite her fascinating response to the Pieta. Who would have suspected that the "foxhole hypothesis" could have inspired such fury and irrational hostility?

Isn't the whole point of being an atheist to be free of imprisonment by mere myths and fairy tales? To move through life unaffected by the emotional maelstroms that so complicate life for believers in various spiritual orthodoxies? I mean, shouldn't the prospect of the death of someone's loved one inspire only sympathy, the pure condolence of those who know that life ends when the last breath leaves the exhausted body?

But no. Atheism has apparently become its own religion. Atheist websites are irate. Atheists who have been in foxholes -- or claim to have been -- found it necessary to register their outrage about her cavalier generalization, as if she had thought it up herself. This is a sacrilege that cannot be brooked. And when Rachel, in her natural wisdom, deleted such comments, she exacerbated their ire. Now she's become a symbol of the bigoted anti-atheist, which singles her out for even more abuse.

I don't know whether to describe the Articles of (non)Faith of the Atheist Church or to mock them in simpler terms. Well, that's not true. I do know. Atheists need to be mocked from here to the next blue moon. It hardly matters whether their Pope wears a mitre or a baseball cap, and whether their Sunday services involve masturbation or mirrors. It's their belief system which is nonsensical and eminently worthy of ridicule.

The agnostic is worthy of respect. He doesn't claim to know. He just doesn't believe that there's any story of divinity that accords with the facts. The atheist, on the other hand, is a narcissistic popinjay. He stands at the end point of a creation no one can claim to understand fully, and he declares that there is no higher intelligence than his own in the fabric of a universe many hundreds of trillions of times larger than himself. But he knows there is no meaning in any of it. What an ass.

Show me a true atheist and I'll show you an idiot, a poseur, a vain seeker of attention. Which is why I really wasn't surprised that Rachel's offhand comment provoked an assault. What's important about being an atheist in not the attainment of an enlightened objective philosophy free of the savage prejudices associated with organized religion. It's about being recognized as a superior intellect.

Imagine being disappointed and humiliated by the post-death discovery of an afterlife. That would have to be the biggest "Oh shit" moment anyone could conceive of. It would instantaneously reduce your surviving soul to the size of a peanut.

Unless that's the size it was already.

P.S. Uh, the Cheetos? Well, I -- unlike all of you, I'm sure -- have these streaks I get on. A couple months ago, it was Cheetos. Right now, it seems to be Rachel's website. But don't worry that there's anything sinister about it. I'm easily old enough to be her father. I think that's part of the fascination. If my daughter were just a bit older and had a blog, I think it would be a lot like Rachel's. Fun, smarter than it looks on first blush, and charming. So if there are any atheists out there who want to give her a hard time, come here instead. I'll give you all you can handle. (Before you join battle, you might want to take a look at this.)

UPDATE. Rachel has this to say: "So. In all seriousness, itís been an interesting discussion and more than a little illuminating. Nicki and Instapunk have joined in, and the angry atheists are already on Nickiís site, comparing me to a racist for using the foxhole quote." Same old, same old. C'mon. COME ON. But they don't. Atheists and lefties are cowards to the core. The last thing they'll ever do is enter the InstaPunk brush-chipper, where our comment policy is never to kill the comment, only the commenter.

Atheists! Come! Fight! We can't wait to kill you.

Yeah, I know. You're just a bunch of fucking retards. I'Il let Rachel know. And her friend Nicki.

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