Tuesday, July 01, 2008
Passing the Hat:
Brizoni's PC Woes
UPDATE. We couldn't be fonder of the guy, really, but if you've noticed (as we have) that he's not posting as regularly as might be expected of the only blogger on this site with joints and a circulatory system that actually work, it's not completely his fault. He has computer problems, he says. The volume of his email on technical issues would be sufficient to overflow the server storage capacity of most blogs, although the typical content of his excuses is even less interesting than what you find at geek blogs devoted exclusively to sysfile.dot.bat error messages.
Something about the blue wire this time.
I'm way too old to keep up with all the latest technology myself, but it's mortifying to read the catalogue of ills suffered by Brizoni's various computers. It probably doesn't help that the boy lives his life at a dead run -- from angry girlfriends named Cha Cha, Social Security agents insisting that everyone absolutely has to have a number, IRS goons convinced against all the laws of probability that a boy Brizoni's age should have generated some reportable income by now, and from alternative rock roadies still pissed at the last concert prank he pulled that forced the band to play a full set facing the audience. We understand all that. But these days, most girlfriends come equipped with fully functioning laptops; so why do Brizoni's missives always contain vaguely terrifying references to exploding transistors, blown steam gaskets, rusty valves, fried engine seals, catastrophic oil loss, and modems crippled by hamster failure? There's nothing specific we can point a finger at as demonstrably fraudulent, but we're getting suspicious. Very suspicious.
Today he sent us another email pleading for $32 he claims will procure a state-of-the-art system he's had his eye on for months. What he wants to do is trade in this perfectly serviceable looking Russian computer for "something newer."
It looks to us like he could get a few bucks for that rug.
Does he think we're made of money? And why is he so
obsessed with that YouTube girl? She's way beyond him.
The last time we gave him money for a "new" computer, he bought this:
He said it would improve his powers of concentration. But after we handed over the two sawbucks he demanded, he didn't post a damn thing. Then the ISP reported that his only internet activity was 12,246 hits on this one YouTube video.
I ask you. What are we supposed to do? We've been nothing but generous to date, though none of our largesse has resulted in anything you'd call an increase in his posting rate. Overall, I feel obliged to point out, we're in the hole for $68.37, with nothing to show for it. Which is why I'm tossing the whole dilemma out to our readership. If you're willing to take the risk, make a PayPal donation to InstaPunk in Brizoni's name. The boy says he needs an exterminator and a computer. In that order. I believe him. Why shouldn't you? I promise we'll pass along any money you send, less the usual handling and processing fees.
The high-tech keyboard he claims comes standard with the "Millennial System."
I mean, I'd advance him more of my own money, I really would, but there's only so much extravagant overspending a Scot can tolerate. You know how it is.
Please be generous. He's like a son to us.
UPDATE. In a piteously pleading follow-up, Brizoni has forwarded pictures of the "Millennial System" processor and display unit.
It's a six gig processing unit. Or something along those lines.
The cabinetry looks a bit pricey, doesn't it?
He claims he is absolutely on the "up and up" and that the $32 will be an excellent investment in "future bootylicious blogging."