Friday, August 01, 2008
Sensible Cheek:Honoring Limbaugh's
Rush at home. In his dining room. You can have it, too.
THE BIG DAY IS HERE! Yes, friends, today is the real deal, THE twentieth anniversary of Rush Liimbaugh's nationally syndicated radio show. We're definitely of a mind to celebrate, especially since Pelosi and company are planning to shut him down come January. And while it's still possible, we'd like to give you the opportunity to share some of the fabulous Limbaugh Lifestyle, which is an offer you won't find anywhere but here, at InstaPunk, for unbelievably low prices.
Thanks to the New York Times Magazine, we all got a glimpse of that lifestyle, which has to be some perfect realization of the American Dream -- a huge mansion, glamorous cars, and great food. Rush is already sharing the great food part via his special relationship with Allen Brothers Meats, but we're determined to take it a a step farther with our offering of "Dittohead Lifestyle Packages," tailored specifically for the modest budgets of those who don't have a $400 million compensation deal with their employers.
Our inspiration was a show on the Home & Garden Channel (HGTV) called Sensible Chic, which always features a professionally designed room that cost tens of thousands of dollars but can be duplicated (approximately) for far less money. For example, the photograph above is of the dining room in Rush's West Palm Beach, Florida, home. The NYT Magazine piece tells us:
The massive chandelier in the dining room... is a replica of the one that hung in the lobby of the Plaza Hotel in New York.
It's obvious that the key ingredients of this marvelous room are the chandelier and the lovely palm trees. But you don't have to pay what Rush did to achieve the same effect in your own dittohouse. Behold:
You're thinking $45,000, aren't you? Well hang onto your hat, because
InstaPunk will send you this gorgeous chandelier and a dozen designer
palm trees for just $4,500. That's right. Are you starting to get the idea?
If you're like most of us dittoheads, you know that nothing is quite as important as wheels. According to the NYT, Rush agrees.
“ANTICIPATING A QUESTION,” Limbaugh said when we pulled into the garage of his secluded beachfront mansion in Palm Beach, “why do I have so many cars?”
I hadn’t actually been wondering that. Very rich people tend not to stint on transportation. For example, we drove to the house from the studio, Limbaugh at the wheel, in a black Maybach 57S, which runs around $450,000 fully loaded. He had half a dozen similar rides on his estate.
“I have these cars for two reasons,” Limbaugh said. “First, they are for the use of my guests. And two, I happen to love fine automobiles.”
Of course, you might not know precisely what a Maybach is. That's where we can help.
For the YouTube-challenged, here's a still photo of Rush's $450,000 ride:
Beyond your wildest dreams? Ordinarily it might be. But today, thanks to InstaPunk, you can have a Sensible Chic version of this marvelous automobile for only $43,995 (plus destination charges and dealer prep). Here is your very own fantabulous Rushmobile:
Supplies are limited (extremely). So act fast if you want to live the dream.
Pretty cool, huh? But the ride has to end up at a suitably palatial crib, doesn't it? Thankfully, we do know something about Rush's pad:
He also loves space. There are five homes — all of them his — on the property. The big house is 24,000 square feet. Limbaugh lives there with a cat.
Here's a pic.
God, look at that pool. We'll be seeing more of it later.
Does it seem out of reach? Just because it cost $70 million? What if we told you that you could have something like it for under $700,000?
$695,000. Yeah the financing is ARM, but the subprime thing has
been overblown. You can handle it. Initial payments under $4,000/
month. Call now for the best possible no-points, low-interest deal.
Delivered in an easy-to-assemble package at your chosen location.
Of course, we all know the McMansion problem. Blowing the whole wad on wheels and a great big house, with nothing left for the interior decorating budget. We can help there, too. A true dittohead needs a library, and Rush knows exactly what it's supposed to look like:
Limbaugh is especially proud of his two-story library, which is a scaled-down version of the library at the Biltmore Estate in North Carolina. Cherubs dance on the ceiling, leatherbound collections line the bookshelves and the wood-paneled walls were once “an acre of mahogany.”
Which adds up to this.
If you go with our El Rushbo Estate model, you won't have quite as much room as he does, but you can nail the look with our Biltmore Library Package, which retails for just $38,000. (Check our PayPal link to see how easy this all is...)
We're talking truly, honestly authentic here. The bookshelves contain exactly
the same brand of fake books that Limbaugh has in his library (Click on the
pic). And while you won't have floorspace for a whole couch, the LazyMan
Library Chair is top of the line. Don't forget we'll be sending you a tenth of
an acre of the best faux mahogany China has to offer. (Just don't burn any
wood or stuff in the fireplace; that wouldn't be safe. Smoke a cigar instead.)
Guest rooms are especially important too. Take a cue from the master:
Unlike many right-wing talk-show hosts, Limbaugh does not view France with hostility. On the contrary, he is a Francophile. His salon, he told me, is meant to suggest Versailles. His main guest suite, which I did not personally inspect, was designed as an exact replica of the presidential suite of the George V Hotel in Paris.
Bet you didn't know it was okay to like France. Well, it is. And you can see why:
The Guest Suite
Actually, this is one of our very best deals -- comprehensive, beautiful, and yet strikingly affordable:
We're kicking ourselves over the pricing. You get the couch, the
rug, the curtains, the coffee table, the lamp, and the incredible
custom yellow paint for just (gasp) $24,000. Yes, we're crazy.
And remember that pool. We thought you did. Here's a better look at it.
Whatever else you do, you simply can't afford to pass up our El Rushbo pool set. It's an absolute steal at $2,500. That's right. $2,500.
Yes, we need our heads examined. But that's not your problem. $2,500!!!
You're also going to need someone to enjoy all this with. Rush has his cat:
Impossible to duplicate, of course.
But you can have one that's at least something like his:
If you can't afford the cat, maybe you'd be willing to make do with one of Rush's lesser companions.
Fortunately, we can duplicate this model for just $125. Not that you'd be interested. They rarely purr, and when they do, it's only because they want something. Something expensive.
Our advice would be, save up for the cat.
After all, it's Rush's preference at this point.
Well, there you have it. The compleat Limbaugh Lifestyle catalogue. You can place your orders by email and settle up via PayPal. Order separately, OR -- Get everything listed here for an even $1 million. That's just one percent of his recent signing bonus. Where are you going to get a better deal than that?
P.S. All kidding aside. Congratulations, Rush. You've made a huge difference to a lot of people. You should be proud, and no one here begrudges you your disgustingly over-the-top wealth. This is America. You earned it. You enjoy it. That's an order.