Tuesday, December 09, 2008
The Nitwit News
Nitwit Nellie, our favorite nano-ninny.
CAN YOU SMELL THE NONSENSE? Sometimes it really is this bad. Everything being reported on is just stupid beyond belief. It's as if now that Obama has been elected, the world as a whole feels obligated to dumb itself down to the result. Most of these don't require much comment beyond the links. A couple more don't either, but we couldn't resist saying something.
Amazon Twelve Days of Holiday.
GM recycles an apology to consumers.
Pretty in Mink. Actually, we approve the idea. It's the way-too-revealing lefty response that qualified for the nitwit listing. Like, who's "The Ugly" here? The original models or the fat, flaccid, acned slobs of the left who puke at the thought of attractive women dressed to the nines?
Arctic Blast in Southern California. Have you ever noticed the genius timing the Global Warming hysterics have? Here's the latest alarmist bulletin they published today. Ha. Ha ha. And here's a newly announced conference scheduled in March for climate change skeptics. What we're given to understand is that Governor Schwarzenegger has issued emergency orders to the California Highway Patrol to find out exactly where Al Gore is roosting in the Golden State at the moment. Such drastically wintry events tend to correspond with sightings of that great human weather balloon. If they locate him, maybe he can explain this, too.
Cystic Fibrosis no longer a worthy charitable cause at Carleton College.
NBC to cut back prime-time programming. Like Nitwit Nellie above, we confess to not having noticed any NBC prime-time programming for quite some years. Thankfully, Cracked.com reminded us of the ancient Law & Order franchise with this video about SVU; without it, we'd have concluded that the whole thing went away sometime back in the Clinton administration. All we were consciously aware of was Sunday Night Football, which is the single worst sports telecast offered by any network, large or small. Not only is the show so larded with commercials that the amount of time spent by players on the field just standing around waiting for ads to run must equal or exceed actual playing time, but NBC also obviously can't figure out that there may be up to 50 percent of the potential audience who WILL NOT WATCH KEITH OLBERMANN even if he's doing halftime roundups. If they did, they'd at least order him not to sneak snide political jokes into his lightning summaries of Sunday afternoon games. One more thing we've noticed about the laggard entertainment networks NBC and ABC -- with as much trouble as they're having getting anyone to watch their TV shows, you'd think they'd make them available on-demand the way CBS does in various cable services. But no. They can't be bothered. Pretty much the same way the can't be bothered to cover the news objectively on the parent network or MSNBC. Pretty soon, they won't be bothering to attempt any prime-time programming because they'll be out of business. Good riddance.
TV Guide worth nothing. Speaking of good riddance, here's a failure story most of you probably haven't even heard about because you stopped subscribing to TV Guide a long long time ago. Again, what's interesting to us is that we've actually been reading TV Guide for the past couple of years, and you'd think they were in cahoots with NBC. Despite subscriptions that have plunged from 55 million to 3 million, they still can't bring themselves to refrain from openly cheering on their lefty favorites and slamming their conservative villains. Just in the past month, they've taken cheap shots at Sarah Palin (multiple) and Ann Coulter while lionizing Keith Olbermann (offering us his tips on "anger management") and lefty lesbian Air America alum Rachel Maddow ("a breath of fresh air"). Not to mention sinking ever lower in language standards for a supposedly "family-friendly" publication. In the most recent issue, they quoted a Dancing with the Stars competitor as saying that the female favorite in the competition "could go out and pee on stage and get 10s." Wonder why the magazine got sold for less than the price of a single issue? Why piss off (to use another term that's appeared recently in the pages of TVG) 50 percent of whatever audience you have left? I'm sure the editors just can't understand it at all.
Screenwriting guru says Hollywood is "finished". Hmmmm. Wonder why. It's the Christmas season now and what is Tinseltown offering moviegoers to fill them with holiday cheer? Try these on for size.
The Day the Earth Stood Still, which is all about how earth can only be saved by eradicating the evil race of human beings because of Global Warming, meat eating, and bias against gay marriages. And it's got Keanu! Should be good for lots of laughs with the kids.
The Frost/Nixon Interviews, which features the lamest, most cartoonish impression of Richard Nixon you've ever cringed away from in esthetic horror, if not disgust at the shallowness of the agenda-driven screenwriter, director, and cast. A surefire bet for the toddlers in your family who groove on clowns who don't actually wear clown makeup.
Milk, which is about a sibilantly gay politician played by Sean Penn who got shot to death in San Francisco a bunch of years ago, before San Francisco realized that its mission in life was to turn everybody in the United States gay. Probably shouldn't take the kiddies to this one, though, because it's rated "V" for violence and "L" for extended lisping, which most parents are trying to discourage at that age.
Is anybody else having trouble believing that our current reality is actually reality? You know. In the "real" sense? No? Then never mind.
MORE NITWIT NEWS. Sorry. Didn't anticipate the big bust in Chicago. Anybody notice how hard it was to determine from all the Drudge links what party the arrested Illinois governor belonged to. Uh, yeah, he's a Democrat. Was that so hard to say? Of course. For nitwits.
Also. Forgot to mention another big Christmas movie. The Spirit. Christmas colors are red and green. The Spirit gives one of those colors a big play, the other not so much. But we're not rushing to judgment in this case. We think Dads (or maybe Granddads) who grew up listening to The Shadow on radio and reading Mickey Spillane novels later on in life will find this a warmly emotional tribute to the Christmases of the past. You know. The kind of past where Christmas was a national, sort of religious holiday, not an incitation to make a total asshole of yourself by complaining bitterly about an utterly harmless saint of childhood. It's also got lots of other good stuff. Guns? Check. Beautiful women? Check. Another bizarre Samuel Jackson performance? Check. And... well... what else matters exactly? See the trailers here, here, and here:
Opens Christmas Day. Cool. For all us nitwits.