Thursday, August 19, 2004
Report from Athens
GREEK FIRE. Having been away for a week or so, imagine our astonishment upon our return at discovering that the whole world was caught up in a contest to determine which nation's women wear the skimpiest, tightest sports costumes. For those of you who are too caught up in reality TV to know what's going on, the competition originates from Athens, Greece, for some reason, and it's a dead serious, fight-to-the death sort of the thing -- the women involved will stop at nothing to win. An example:
They're so set on winning that they'll even do the unthinkable -- like dressing up in the same outfit the woman next to them is wearing. We'd call that Xtreme female sport.
And there's more. They've been taking vitamins to get ready...
Pretty heavy, eh? Short of tearing their costumes off, there's apparently nothing they won't do to model them.
Uncharacteristically, they're even willing to be subtle about it. For example, some of them are modelling bathing suits that are actually bigger than usual, even if they do still show everything, if you know what we mean...
What are we to make of all this? Well, the world has been getting steadily more pagan for quite some time, which means that women are coming ever closer to being in charge of everything. All that's left for men to do is fill in our scorecards and vote for the best costumes. The prize in Athens is a gold medal. The long term prize, of course, is a world in which women have all the power and privilege while the men duck and hide from their wrath. Since there's not much we can do about that -- until and unless other men start acting like men again -- we've decided to play along and hand out the coveted gold medal to the nation whose costumes are the tightest, brightest, and most revealing.
When the time is right, we'll stop being so superficial and offer up an opinion on what it all means (NSFW). Until then, we'll try to keep from making the girls angry. Just like you do.