Tuesday, October 13, 2009
The Real Reason Not to
Pick a Fight w/Fox News
The Fox Business Channel is upping the ante. Obama can't win against this.
YEAH, WE HIT THIS BEFORE. So you'll pay attention to me, I'll get the most important info out there immediately. Her name is Nicole Petallides. She's an anchor at the Fox Business Network. When she guested on Fox & Friends the other morning, Brian Kilmead had to physically remove himself from the set and the substitute host I always thought was gay was literally restraining himself from pawing her. She's Greek. Like Helen of Troy was Greek.
She's also smart. Or smart enough. Probably within a spike heel of the intelligence of Obama's new White House Communications Gorgon.
I was going to make this a fairly serious post, particularly in light of all the officious commentary on both sides, from righties like Malkin to lefties like The Nation and New York Magazine, as well as supposed centrists like Daily Finance, all of whom think it's a bad idea for Obama to go to war with Fox News. Their reasons vary, of course, except for the one inevitable outcome they all foresee -- continued increases in the ratings of Fox News, which are already higher across the board than the ratings of CNN, MSNBC, and CNBC combined. I urge you to read the linked essays because they all assume (excepting Malkin, of course) that the Fox audience is mostly Republican, even though Fox claims (I couldn't find any verification data) that its audience is only 39 percent Republican with 22 percent Independents, 33 percent Democrats, and 6 percent bald geeks in raincoats (more about them later). What I did find was this scholarly analysis by the Accuracy in Media folks, who seem to think they've got it pretty well nailed down that liberal media bias is real and documentable, which translates to a significant and growing flight from mainstream media to FNC. Read them too. Interesting if a bit verbose for a piece that's only confirming the obvious.
The other thing I found in my search for demographic data about Fox News was a consistent claim by media watchers that the channel's audience consists mostly of old folks. But there was no data to verify that assertion, either. Which seems a bit fishy given that Nielsen numbers, which are verifiable, show that Bill O'Reilly, the Lawrence Welk of cable pundits (unless Larry King is) trounces the youth voters' Murrow -- i.e., Keith Olbermann -- even in the prized 18-to-Cialis demographic. (The audience slice that buys all the shit advertised on TV but doesn't, er, vote.)
Which is when I began to think that everyone involved in this discussion is just making stuff up to sound, you know, smart.
Which I can do, too. Not sound smart especially, but make stuff up. Except that not all my evidence is made up. For example, do you really think it's old guys in raincoats who are running this website? I don't and I'll bet you don't either.
So here's my take on the Obama versus Fox News war. Nobody believes professional journalists anymore. They're all in the tank for some ideology or bias. But there are still a lot of us who want some idea of what's going on out there in the country and the world at large. What's the least painful way to consume that? Get your news from good-looking women. Let's concede that Roger Ailes identified a market niche for conservatives who were sick of NPR and the alphabet networks' constant trashing of Republicans, traditional values, and suspicion of big government in all its forms. What percentage was that of his business model for Fox News and the new Fox Business Network? About 20 percent. (Or else he wouldn't be paying millions every year to the lefty Mississippi pretty boy Shepard Smith.) What's the other 80 percent? Pretty women.
Plain as the nose on your face, guys. If we have to hear about recession, appeasement, government bailouts and takeovers of everything under the sun, and taxes on burgers, beer, and big cars, then at least we want to get that news from pouting lips, pert boobs, and splendid gams. That's what Roger Ailes is providing -- a whole new interpretation of "fair and balanced" that far transcends the humorless jibes of the Fox-haters. The faces are fair and the ugly bad news is balanced with beautiful curves and glossy hose.
Behold: journalistic "balance" in action at the Fox News Channel:
From 6 to 9 in the morning. Gretchen Carlson.
From 9 to sometime, Megyn Kelly. A ruthless attorney.
From noonish to whenever, Martha MacCallum. Even Rush was smitten.
From whenever to the afternoon, Julie Banderas. Sense of humor, too.
(See the dire for CNN ratings performance of Fox's Redeye, source of
Julie's pit-sniffing show. She's also a stone killer in news interviews.....)
Courtney Friel covers Hollywood for Fox News.
Ainsley Earhardt fills in where needed. She bakes cookies too.
And the usual suspects, of course. Still babes, of course.
And her. Not to mention him.
A religion correspondent who plays classical piano
and a gun-toting Lesbian conservative. Fox News.
The only good looking Democrat female. And Fox has her.
Needless to say, the prime time Foxers routinely call on all these babes to be guest experts or whatever. (Except Beck. He sticks to his blackboard, bad hair, and basketball sneakers. Which should really freak out the opposition given his sky-high ratings.) O'Reilly plus Carlson plus Kelly plus MacCallum leaves Olbermann and the CNN drab in the dust every time. This isn't a fight the Obama administration can win. Let's face it. Most lefty women are ug__, uh, plain.
They do seem crabby, don't they? And no sleek hose.
Does this mean anything? Yes. Of course it does. But it doesn't have to mean anything. It does, however, serve Roger Ailes and the Fox News Channel. Slowly but surely, they're going to corner the market on males of all ages, Republican, Independent and Democrat, who would rather look at lovely females than dour old men like Bob Schieffer, Keith Olbermann, Charlie Gibson, Wolf Blitzer, and Katie Couric.
What does Obama have to put up against that?
Yeah. We forgot. She likes Paris, though.
Right. Like that's going to work. Which is why the media, and Democrats in general, are starting to panic. The real edge in the upcoming elections the Republicans have discovered is that their women (for whatever reason (Ha Ha)) are much (much) more attractive than the androgynous feminazis of the left.
Cheney, Palin, and Bachmann. Foxes all.
They're terrified. Because Fox News has shown the way. That's the real beef. If we have to have a nanny government, the nanny had better be a knockout. Are you listening, oh you moderate compassionate conservative, Michael Steele?
Oh, and, uh, yeah. Rupert Murdoch is thinking about buying NBC. Roger Ailes works for Rupert Murdoch. Or didn't you Gorgons know that?