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Tuesday, June 08, 2010
Brizoni needs moral
chemical support...
chemical support...
BRIZONIMAIL. The kid's up against it. No joke. For some reason (if that's the right word), he's decided he needs to write a novel in one week. Something about a Nazi in red shorts. I helped out to the best of my ability, writing Chapters 1 and 2 for him last night (uh, not kidding, sad to say), but he still has a long way to go. And he actually thinks my contribution needs editing!? Something about "crap off the top of your head" and "flagrant violation of my vision" or some such garbage (the italics are to ensure a French reading of the word). The nerve of some people.
At any rate, we've established a command center somewhere in Alabama where we're receiving BrizoniAaid: hot towels, cold compresses, cheap whiskey, unfiltered cigarettes, French coffee (well, boiled sneakers will do), inspiring blondes with huge breasts and long legs, anti-carpal tunnel forearm armor, and black plastic lawn bags. Can't explain what the lawn bags are for, but he insists they're essential.
What we're still trying to arrange is the necessary airlift from Alabama to the Pacific northwestern state (one of them) Brizoni actually lives in. Any pilots out there with free time should call the command center.
In the meantime, we're also soliciting donations of a wide variety of writing tools the poor boy will be needing in his attempt to duplicate the writing speed of Erle Stanley Gardner with far less, uh, experience. Check your closets and hard drives, if you please, for all the superfluous stores you might have of commas, periods, three-syllable adjectives, prepositions, partially conjugated verbs, rude interjections, and (sadly) full paragraphs that haven't already been plagiarized by Doris Kearns Goodwin. Please do NOT send obscenities. He already has an excess of those. (Lawn bags?)
I'd inspire you with the chapters I've already contributed to this superhuman effort, but the kid's been mumbling about lawsuits and machetes since about 10 am. What do lawsuits and machetes have in common? I don't know. Must be part of the creative thingummy. Or whatever.
Where was I? If you want to contribute, please send your Lucky Strikes and bottom shelf whiskey to this address:
BrizoniAid
Somewhere in Alabama
Yessir, USA [insert zip code]
Somewhere in Alabama
Yessir, USA [insert zip code]
That ought to about do it.
