Friday, August 27, 2010
Puck Punk's Anyfell
Even these players try harder to win than the preasoning players.
[ED NOTE. We like to think of this as Affirmative Action Blogging. Obviously, Puck Punk has gone a bit backward with his English after the Census and the Bender and all, but it's a hands across the border kind of thing, isn't it? They don't even have football in Canada (except for that weird CFL thing they do on a field the size of Area 51), but never mind that. He's trying really really hard here. It's the thought that counts, eh...?]
A BREAK FROM THE HOCKEY...FOR NOW. I want to apologize to all bodies at The Punks for being away for a long time. I become many upset when my Canadiens lose to the Phyler in the anyshell playoff and I have the hard time coming to a grip on that. At that time I am very happy to be making so much money at my job for the census, but I spend every of my money at the liquor store to go on the bender at my sadness. When I wake up, I have find out all the census job are go away, even for my boss. But he shows me how to collect the insurance of the unemployments, so that is a good news because I still have money to watch the TV. I am many luck to have this kind of good friend. But this is not why I make the writting of this post now.
The new season of the hockey is come soon, but The Punks do not want me to write about this. They say no one in America has a like of the hockey even for the playoff, so why I will write about the regular season? Instead they ask me to cover another sport, and since we are in America the only option is to make talk about the anyfell footballs.
The first part of the anyfell is always a very big deal called The Daft. It has this name because of the many stupid, spoiled college children who start to make a billion of U.S. dollars on this day for no reason except of the anyfell player union. I wish our anyshell union in the hockey was so good as this because the college children who go in the hockey do not make any of the money or even have the dental insurance. A union like this could help before very much during the anyshell LOCKOUT, not strike. But I suppose it is a good thing for the anyfell children to make this money right away since many of them are never good at the actual playings of the footballs, so they must make all their monies in a short time.
See? The Daft. As I tell you.
But then there is a break of many month after The Daft when every body must watch the news of all the veteran player make what they call the holdup. The holdup is when a player sign already before a contract to be making a billion U.S. dollars, then after they sign it they think they should make two or three billion of the U.S. dollars instead because they are many special and have many anger at the new college child of the team who makes a higher money only for sitting on the bench and not making the play. There is an argue about this and the holdup man stay on vacation while all other player of the team start the practicing. The end of the holdup happen when the owner gives out the extra billion U.S. dollars to the veteran, and then the owner makes a raise of the prices for the ticket and the beer in the anyfell game to pay for the holdup. This is why they call it a holdup, because it is the robbery of the anyfell fans.
The thrird part of the anyfell year is making the occur at this moment. It is The Preseasoning. This is the time when there are games but no one makes the effort of a care to win it, yet the anyfell fan still must pay to watch. May sports have a Preseasoning, but the anyfell has the most worst. The only big news that happen in The Preseasoning of the anyfell is when the veteran man of the holdup is becomes l'injure in the first game and all the watchers at the anyfell stadium must think about how they pay so much money for ticket and beer for the salary of the holdup man and the college child that now sit on the bench next to each other for all season.
Beside that, there are so many of this games in The Preseasonings where there is no meaning and none of the anyfell player make the try to win, but the ESPN and Tony Kornholer want to make the anyfell fan think they should see this games anyway. So I have a time at my favorite bar of the sport down on the street and watch some games of The Preseasoning so I can report about it to you and you will know about all the news of l'import that happen in the anyfell. It is a possible that some of this informations are not completely right, because I did have a lot of the drinks at the bar while I watch, but I keep a good notes of what happen, so I think it is all most of the truth.
Biltamore Birds: 23
Washington Redmen: 3
He wears the new shirt, but the same look on his face.This game is of an interest to the Punks because the new throwerback of the Redmen is Donaldvan McVick, who before this is many years on the Bird team of Phylerdelphia. But now he is old and the Phyler Birds have the brother of Donaldvan to play throwerback, the man who likes not the dogs so much. The owner of the Redmen always has a good time to pay too much money to the players who are not very good or always make l'injure, like this man. I think the owner gets so much of the enjoy from this because he must have the hatred for all anyfell fan who live around the Washington. Because as you see, the Redmen are still making the bad games.
Eagle Phylers: 3
Crouching Tigers: 23
"Hello. I still hate you."This game shows what becomes of Donaldvan's brother, Michael McVick. He still can not have the good game, as when before he plays on the team of the Atlanta Birds. Why so many teams of bird names in the anyfell? Anyway, Terral Owens, the gay catcher man that used to catch the throw from Donaldvan, is now catch for the Tigers and he has a good game. He catches five or ten of the touchdowns, which in the footballs scores about one hundred points. In the hockey you only get one point when you score. Sorry, I know I am not supposed to make the compare of the hockey to the anyfell.
Green Way Packers: Twenty...eight?This game is in the Seattle, where all year it is many rain. I am not so sure about why I make a note of this game. I think it is because the colors of neon green with mustard yellow on the TV makes my stomach to feel upset at the time I watch it. There is a stain of the vomit on my note page that makes a smudge of the ink I write with, so I think the true reason will be forever le mystery.
Even More Birds: Probably About 24
If a man wears this clothes in the hockey, he will get l'injure from his own teammates.
The Fishes: 200
The Cats: 199
This is how my stomach feel as I watch this preseasoning
More animal teams. More strange colors. More of the vomit on the note page. Sorry, this is all I know about this game.
One Team With: A Higher Score
Another Team With: A Lower Score
This is how I feel at the time of the last game at the bar.
Well I must make l'admission to you: I have at all no memory about this game. I only know the last part of my note smudge is for this game that is different from the other ones, and I feel the confidence that one of the teams made the win on the other team.
So I think there are still two more weeks of the Preseasoning that every body must watch. For some reason. Because I suppose three weeks of no caring about winning the games is not enough in the anyfell. There must be five weeks. Then the regular season will start. I never give the anyfell footballs many attention before, but this year I make a good try. As long as I keep making the receive of the unemployments and can buy alcohol at the bar of sport, I think I will like to do the watchings. See you next time, and many thank you to the readers at the Instapunk who are pay the taxes for my unemployments.