Archives
Friday, September 03, 2010
Managing
Expectations
John Adler has a devastating new ad against Jon Runyan in NJ's 3rd district.
Runyan has a donkey on his property, proving he's a fake Republican farmer.
Look at that donkey. Should that buy a zoning break for a multi-millionaire?
PARTY PR. This isn't going to be as easy as it looks, folks. Just because Obama has been a truly, unbelievably awful president doesn't mean the Republicans are going to waltz into control of congress and the senate.
People keep quoting Lincoln saying, "You can't fool all of the people all of the time," but they conveniently forget that he also said, "You can fool all of the people some of the time."
Now there are pollsters and pundits, some of them Democrats, who are predicting the Republicans can pick up as many as 90 seats in the House of Representatives. They're having you on, sports fans.
The important thing to remember if you're a "likely voter" is that you objecters to ObamaNation are all as dumb as dirt. Those of you who live in flyover country, anyway. Many of you are Christians, which means you can subtract maybe 30 or more additional IQ points immediately. So you're like down there in the range of approximately 60 or so IQs with the actual election 60 days away.
Is there any chance you'll remember what it is you're so damn fired up about by the time the election actually occurs that you'll come out to vote? Not likely. Meanwhile, the Democrats will have all their buses ready and waiting to take their low IQ voters to the polls whether they remember what day it is or not.
It's time to ratchet our expectations downward. We're not going to win back the house or senate. Long before that Tuesday in November, whenever it is, the newspapers and network news shows we all rely on for our news will have convinced most of you that there was never a time when U.S. unemployment was less than 9.5 percent, when the U.S. econonomy wasn't headed in the right direction after an eternity of heading in the wrong, Republican direction, and when everything in the country wasn't being painfully corrected by massive new government interventions for our own good.
I know you think you'll be able to remember differently. I sympathize. All I'm trying to do is moderate your expectations. You know how so many of you think a degree from the University of Idaho is a higher education credential? Wrong. There are like only ten or twelve unversities that teach the REAL stuff: Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Chicago, Berkeley, Harvard, Columbia, Harvard, Stanford, Yale, and of course, Harvard. Is the University of Idaho anywhere on that list? No. That's what you're up against.
They're going to find a way to fool all of you. You'll see your current senator draped in a purple-fringed white toga and you'll say, "Oh, he looks so much like my favorite, George Clooney, only in a purple-fringed white toga." They'll show you an earmark they've created in your house district that is just for you -- "direct cash subsidies to halfwit evangelical Christians who once attended a Tea Party and don't know any better." They'll pick you off like berries from a bush because you're too damn dumb to know when you're being had.
I'm not trying to be cruel. I know you mean well. But it really is time to accept that your government is smarter than you are. Time for you to accept that they really do know better how much you should eat, smoke, drink, and drive -- and why it would be criminally wrong to let you live much longer if your drinking and smoking and eating habits make your old age more expensive than the much better educated drinkers, smokers, and eaters of the U.S. Senate deem proper. Plus, you keep driving everywhere. They don't do that. They have chauffeurs. In short, they're more RESPONSIBLE than you are.
Let's face it. Christians are roughly equivalent to the KKK. Aren't they? Have you EVER had an op-ed published by the New York Times or Washington Post? No. You haven't. I have.
So don't get your hopes up, assholes.
THIS HAS BEEN A MESSAGE PUBLISHED BY THE REPUBLICAN NATIONAL COMMITTEE, MICHAEL STEELE, CHAIRMAN.
