Tuesday, November 02, 2004
Democracy -- Meaning Rule by Apes
Now, we're going to tell you why the Electoral Vote Predictor is wrong. Although we want to thank the folks at Electoral Vote Predictor for their work all this election season -- we sure have appreciated the fruit thereof. And, truth be told, nothing stated here will be shocking to EVP. If you take the time to read the narrative that accompanies the map, you will see how EVP regards the results that have been accumulated by their computer program.
For one thing, President Bush will win Florida. Why? First of all, the President's brother is Governor of Florida. Secondly, the President's brother is the Governor of Florida, and, finally, the President's brother is the Governor of Florida.
It's not all quite that silly, but we were urged to write this down because these valuable insights will be utterly worthless tomorrow.
Secondly, EVP has Sen. Kerry winning both Pennsylvania and Ohio. This will not happen. He can have one or the other, but not both. So, those little adjustments mean that EVP's new numbers would be Bush 279 | Kerry 250. But, it won't even be that close.
Why? Because, just looking at the Chain Gang -- we haven't voted for a Republican for President since 1992. Even then, half of us voted for Ross Perot. Sen. Bob Dole excoriated us in 1996 and we stayed home as Sen. Dole should have done. In the 2000 Presidential election -- who could care? We sure didn't. After the embarrassing impeachment proceedings and the de-fanging of the Republican Congress -- and, we mean embarrassing for the Republicans, not the two-term Democratic Party President who seemed to weather the storm just fine. Some of us voted libertarian and some of us stayed home.
So? Who cares? Well, we're more numerous than even we give ourselves credit. And, we're voting for President Bush today. Why? Because there is a notable difference between Sen. Kerry and President Bush. A difference that did not exist in 2000. We highlighted this yesterday. But, there is more. We thought Vice President Gore would not win in 2000 because he was annoying to listen to -- he spoke to his audience like they were small, stupid children. Not that all small children are stupid, but Vice President Gore spoke to everyone like they were small, stupid children. We couldn't imagine anyone being more annoying to listen to -- that is, until we heard Sen. Kerry.
Sen. Kerry speaks to everyone like they're the help. We don't think that anyone likes to be talked to like that. We shall see . . .
One last thing. We're still pissed off. The left wing nuts are not all that pissed off. They had all their fun with Michael Moore's movie and all those celebrities, but our guess is they're done. We're not. We're sick to death of all these Democrats. Not just Sen. Kerry, but all the nuts he'll bring with him into his cabinet. Sen. Joe Biden as Secretary of State? Cut us a break. We've been on the record for some time now about these types. So, we're going to go vote. And, we're not so sure about the other side. They're passion has waned and they're probably not all that excited about getting out and voting for Sen. Kerry -- remember, Bon Jumpy won't be out there at the voting booth.
So, there it is. Our analysis. Feel free to comment. And, like we said, tomorrow we'll either be right or wrong, but there was no sense in not telling you the what, why's, and wherefores tomorrow, so we told you today. Remember, this doesn't mean we're not pissed at the Republicans -- it means they've overcome all our angst and gotten us into our cars and into a voting booth on their behalf. We'll have more to say about them in the days ahead.