Monday, June 06, 2011
Both Bang and Whimper As Secret Squeak
The future of music? (hint: this post is kind of symbolic-like)
RELAX. DADDY'S HOME. Music spat in my face and took its own life on October 3, 2000, the day Radiohead released their Kid A record. Sure, there've been songs and bands I've liked since then, but they've been exceptions, aberrations, heretics in the 21st century. Death rattles. Music's suicide note read, in part, "I'm tired of going from strength to strength, ferocity to ferocity, exaltation to exaltation. It's just too much WORK to feel that good. This shady corner of my bedroom looks cozy. It's cool and there's hardly any light to hurt my eyes. I'm going to curl up there for a while, bury my face in my sleeves. My self-pitying moans are all you'll hear from me. But don't let my shaking back and forth fool you. I have passed on."
She didn't say when she'd be back. She goes through moods like this every now and then-- remember Disco? Or the Mrs. Miller craze? Ha ha, everyone's old and tone deaf, I get it!-- and you just have to be patient and wait for her to snap out of it.
Thing is, I'm starting to worry she won't. It's been more than 10 years, and post-Pink Floyd noodling, woe-is-me crybaby crap is still the order of the day. Whining is just how you sing now. Even bands that on the surface seem dedicated to rocking out are still whining.
Even rap, which was supposed to be the last gasp of artistic defiance before the long night of Scientific Orthodox Collectivism, has devolved from NWA ass-kicking, Public Enemy (attempted) social consciousness, and Eminem guts-turning-inside-out to... well... to this.
I worry because this is the new decade. Music is supposed to change AT LEAST once a decade, right? Elvis sinks Eddie Fisher. The Beatles sink rockabilly (bad). Madonna sinks Christopher Cross (good). Nirvana sinks all that damned hair metal with one hit.
Go ahead. Bitch about Nirvana. Would you rather Cherry Pie had been the act everyone tried to follow? For a whole decade? Or try this: Scream along with Very Ape and tell me it isn't the Punkest thing you've heard in a minute. You're always wrong.
But then Radiohead and a fleet of Radiohead wanna-bes sank almost everything I wanted to listen to. I remember not hating the radio. Those days are gone.
But it's 2011! Where's my asethetic changeover? Where's my Next Kind of Popular Music?
I think I've found it.
The city of Hastings is looking to curb vandalism at a local park by installing a device that emits a high-frequency sound only heard by teens....
Parks and Recreation Director Barry Bernstein said their looking to redevelop Cari Park near Red Wing Boulevard and are considering adding the security device known as SonicScreen, made by Miracletech Security. It would be installed by Webber Recreational Design, which is a company in Hastings.
“It’s a sound barrier that would be activated when the park is closed to reduce loitering on the play equipment,” Bernstein said.
Bernstein said the security device is specifically designed for kids ages 12 to 18. It omits a high-pitch sound at 17.5 Kilohertz that can irritate teens. Some have described the noise as a mosquito buzzing in your ear or fingernails scratching a chalkboard....
The reason adults can’t hear it is because at the age of 20 you begin to lose your high-frequency hearing.
“Those decibel levels basically go away from our ability to hear them,” said Webber. “We actually have an option of having a child or an adult version for the actual sound. I can hear the adult setting and that’s more for vagrancy on boardwalks where people are trying to sleep in a park.”
Imagine that put to a club beat. Music that literally, physiologically, only the young can hear. THAT'S the music of a respectable future.
Don't look at me like I'm crazy. It's already begun.
The technology was designed in the United Kingdom to keep kids from loitering in certain areas. Teens have adopted the mosquito sound as a ringtone and some use it during class so teachers can’t hear it.
Begun? Hell, it's already out there. Don't tell me you haven't seen them. Packs of youths with their straight-billed backwards caps (they all leave the retail hologram stickers on the bills! Swear to God that's the new thing) and even more enormous-er coats and pants worn lower than their shoes, bobbing their heads in silence. Are they praying? Mourning a fallen gang member?
No. If you'll cup your ancient ear, you'll hear the occasional squeaky groan. That's the low parts on their new favorite music.
You know how in horror movies it's always scarier when you don't see the monster or killer? You'll feel the same way when that street-rumbling bass in ridiculous souped-up Hondas suddenly goes silent.
Adults will mock this music on late night shows and amongst themselves by making no noise. Ha ha. The kids will let you laugh.
Tea with honey will be the new reefer. Singing along to songs pitched that high is a real strain on a young throat.
Now you're thinking "Dude, what the hell are you gloating about? You'll never hear it. You haven't been a teenager for a long time."
Silly rabbit. I'm Brizoni.
I hear everything.