Friday, July 22, 2011
Once you see it, you can't unsee it. Read on.
AT LEAST THE SEVENTIES WERE OK TO LOOK AT. There's an expression popular among us young: "Really?" Always asked in a tone of contemptuous disbelief with a hint of resignation, as though the object of the speaker's jibe nearly begs skepticism but the evidence speaks for irrefutable. I think Adam Carolla came up with it back in his Loveline days.
Like all catchphrases, it was first a shortcut and then a replacement for thinking of something clever. I've succumbed to its temptation myself. More than once. But there are situations where it really is the only thing to say.
Take the Prius. Remember the first time you saw this sad bastard?
What is there to say but "REALLY? Really, Toyota? That's the shape of the super sexy future-mobile that's going to save the planet and (incidentally) the human race? I thought Japanese people liked the future, with your talking toilets and state-of-the-art sex robots and everything. Did the CEO promise his nephew he'd get to design a car someday and this is the only curve he could get Adobe Illustrator to make? Did you lose a bet? Is it deliberately emulating the curve of a flaccid penis? What excuse could you have, Toyota?"
OK, I guess I thought of something clever to say after all. But the strained "really" is the perfect encapsulation, isn't it?
Same goes for the moral man's reaction to the Smart Car, which looks exactly, literally, really, like a child's toy.
Can't decide which car has the more cloying smile.
REALLY? No way. This is a prank the Al Gores and Leo DiCaprios of the new jet-set are playing on well-meaning dupes who think the earth can't handle a little extra smoke. Even the Brits haven't so thoroughly flushed their self-respect that they'll put up with such a castrato-cart. Well, some of them haven't.
Makers of electric cars appear to be wising up. The Tesla Roadster, though bulit by the Little Rascals in their ramshackle club house, at least looks like something you'd want to be seen in. Even Chevy, which this century has made nothing but ugly copies of popular cars, has stepped up their game. Kiss my ass, I think this Cadillac electric concept looks like the angry space age fist-gun-phallus-on-wheels I never dared hoped to see outside my dreams.
The design of their flagship electric, the Volt, isn't as successful. Don't get me wrong; I think the Chevy team made a real effort. Pats on heads all around. And kudos to them for wanting to help the polar bears and the ice caps and all that environment stuff (but negative kudos for not having the independence of thought to spend a couple hours on the internet to make sure this whole
Look at the top. What does that top remind me of...?
Hang on. I think I've got it.
I'm sure the symbolism is unintentional. Not that it makes a difference. Really.