Monday, July 25, 2011
Finally. The Post I
Wanted To Do Today
SPLENDID. Peter had a post he wanted to do, and Brizoni had a post he didn't want to do. (We gassed about it all via email. For hours.) Then TruePunk, that cussed cuss, had to stir up his own hornet's nest, as usual, and now it's late and all I want to do is point out one obvious fact: America doesn't give a shit about the debt crisis because the NFL Lockout is over!
There's a phenomenon the i-Generation doesn't know about. It's called late night AM radio. Cooler than texting, cooler than Facebook or Twitter, cooler than almost anything. Permit me to explain.
A thing called the Skip. During the day, your AM dial gets local stations, which are fun, but at night the whole world changes. It's night now. All hell breaks loose. If you're in Delaware City, you can suddenly get South Bend clear as day. If you're in Santa Monica, you're able to hear Trenton. What's happening is that the signal is bouncing off the troposphere or something and it's almost like being a shortwave radio nerd.
So what are you hearing tonight? Nothing about Obama, Boehner, Reid, and Pelosi. You're hearing about the football dreams of whatever town your radio is dragging in.
Talking NFL here, folks. There are only a few days for teams to sign free agents, make trades, and rebuild themselves for the suddenly renascent season. Who's going to get T.O., Plaxico, Randy Moss, Kevin Kolb, Matt Hasselbeck, Albert Haynesworth, Jesus!
Yeah, I know Twitter is producing rumors. But forget Twitter. Listen to the latenight AM feed. That's where you will hear about dreams, my man.
The plumber in Bethesda who wants Hasselbeck as a Redskin because he thinks the Eagles have McNabb's number. The attorney in Berkeley who's convinced the Forty-Niners could win the Super Bowl in 2013 if they traded Alex Smith for a first round draft choice in 2012. The sewer worker in Mount Pleasant, Pennsylvania, who wants to trade Rashard Mendenhall for Reggie Bush, just because. Right now, at this very moment, heated discussions are occurring all over the country, market by market, about life and death matters involving free agents in the NFL. Cock your ear and adjust your antennae. Hear it? The cacophony arcs across the nation in a way the politicians only wish their issues could.
Do you find this depressing?
I know I should. God, how stupid can people be? With the country on the edge of ruin. But I find it oddly comforting.
Why? Because people natively know the difference between political crisis and existential threat. What they don't pay attention to makes the intelligentsia angry and patronizing. What they do pay attention to makes the intelligentsia angry and patronizing.
Guess what? The news this week was good. The lockout is over. There will be an NFL season. All is well. Cock your ear.
And guess what? When the guys who are presently glued to AM radio start listening to debt crisis news instead, then we'll be in deep shit. But not before.
A small point. A very small point. But one I wanted to make. Before all the earnest, learned ones ruined my day.
Sorry. But it's late now. And maybe nobody will notice that I took my eye off the debt crisis ball. For a moment.