Archives
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Hope for Change
DUMBER'N
SHIT. Don't know why I watch Imus. He's a
ninety year old nine year old, self-obsessed, lewd, nasty, sharp as a
bottle of liquid soap, and he's now clearly dying, his jowls growing
day by day on new medication while he coughs helplessly, silently into
the cough button. Is it vengeance
I'm after? Or curiosity to see how low a human being can go without
realizing he's not
going to the Promised Land because his trophy wife funds a cancer
ranch. And who is his beautiful, crazy helpmeet sleeping with?
(Hopefully, everybody. Share
the misery. And is she genuinely psychotic enough to constitute the
hell we all want
for him (maybe!)). He alternates kissing ass with lefties -- regular
guests like brain-damaged Tom Friedman of the NYT, too smart for all our own good
Matt Taibbi of Rolling Stone,
and
prissy little sporty guy Mike Lupica (ugh) of Boston
Pravda (Oh Sauxxx, my, my) -- and kissing the ass of somewhat saner people like Kinky
Friedman, Chris Christie, and DJ Michael Graham of The Boston John Birch
Society. And Chris Wallace, the far and away dumbest
anchor-son-of-anchor in all of television
network news. (I could explain how a Harvard political science major
never has to take a course in economics, but you wouldn't believe me,
so I won't) Imus's questions are almost invariably about himself,
except
when he screws up. Which he did the other morning. He chanced to ask
ABC News White House Correspondent Jake Tapper about Barack Obama's
reelection prospects. Why I listen, I guess.
It only took about two minutes, despite Imus's
distracting, self-absorbed interruptions. I've made you pay to get this
far because I had to pay to hear the best, briefest, most cogent
analysis of the 2012 campaign I've yet heard. (I'm nothing if not
petty.) Here's the deal. In 2008, Tapper said, everything went Obama's
way. He ran the table, including the financial meltdown at the end. But
McCain, who ran a "not good" campaign, still got 47 percent of the
vote, meaning Obama won by about 3 million votes.
Cut to 2012. Nine percent-plus unemployment. At
the very least, Obama turnout won't be what it was. And Republicans are
starting from a base of 47
percent.
All they have to do is convince two to three million voters that the
One is not the Messiah they were hoping for. (He said that more kindly
than I just did, but the numbers are the same.) "It's going to be very
very tough," Tapper said.
Thing is, Tapper is a reporter. He easily
deflected Imus's opening question about Sarah Palin sleeping with a
black man (yawn, unless you're nine) and then laid out these numbers.
And then he stripped the real question to the bare bones.As a
presidential candidate, Obama is a goner. Unless the Republicans go
crazy. Which they could do. But rarely have. Usually, they nominate the
guy who came in second last time. Which would be Mitt Romney. Who will
probably defeat Obama by a landslide.
If any of you care. Because what you probably
care about more is vindication.
Ron Paul cutting Ben Bernanke's throat on the steps of the capitol.
Michelle Bachmann hanging the board of trustees of Planned Parenthood
in the White House Rose Garden. You know.Libertarian stuff. Freedom and
such. The entire Middle East erupting in a mushroom cloud because,
blessedly, we don't care any more.
It's just that if you do care about removing
Obama from power, it looks like it's probable. If Republicans don't go
stone fucking crazy.
Ha.
P.S. How long
is it going to take under the new reich for middle schoolers to be
required to read Atlas Shrugged?
Or have it read to them or texted to them on their cellphones. That's what I'm interested in.
Because I have the entire constituion tattooed on my back. (The
amendments are on the backs of my thighs and on my head, which will
become more glaring if I should ever go bald. It could happen.)
It could happen. But it's not likely.
