Friday, May 04, 2012
The Friday Follies
YES, IT'S BEEN A WHILE. Now that I've stopped caring, the whole war on via women thing is getting progressively more amusing. Have to admit at the outset I was absolutely delighted by Ann Romney's controversial blouse.
What I really really love about this nonsensical controversy is, well, check it out for yourself (and please watch the whole thing)...
...that nobody involved has the guts (or the minimum survival-level sex hormones?) to notice that the outstanding feature of the blouse is not its price tag but the fish eye that's really a nipple. Me? I'm thinking Ann Romney is a lot more interesting than the do-nothing stay-at-home wife of Hilary Rosen's depiction. But we've become so ossifyingly politically correct that liberal stud prick O'Donnell doesn't go "Va-Va-Voom!" Instead, he goes "That's too much to pay for a T-shirt." And here I thought he was Irish, not Scottish.
But metrosexuality (er, liberal eunuchry) has somehow objectified the deliciously leering objectification of women's sexual parts out of existence. Neat trick. Did somebody mention an integral?
I think Mrs. Romney was sending a message that a lot of red-blooded men will get. She really doesn't give a rat's ass what the Lawrence O'Donnells of the world think. About money and (gosh) breasteses. Touchdown for Republican and Independent women everywhere.
Of course, Ann Romney could have sent substantially the same message far more cheaply with this (the new InstaPunk icon):
Which means the $990 was also a key part of the message. Lesser but still key. Call that the two-point conversion.
You see, when you conscript women into war, not all the consequences can be anticipated. I guarantee you there are a lot of guys who are looking at Romney today in a brand new way: "Hello. How they hangin', Mitt? GO, dude."
Because if the libs are serious about their war/women thingy, they've got a big problem. Liberal women aren't sexy. At all. Think about it. We've got Palin, Bachmann, Condi, Nikki Haley, Ingraham, Coulter, Malkin...
Excuse me. Had to insert this. Admit it. Malkin kicks ass.
...and all the dumb blondes of Fox News. (Bless their hearts.) Counterbalanced by the brilliant brunettes of the Fox Business Network. Who do the libs have? Barbara Mikulski, homeless drab Barbara Boxer, Botox Queen Pelosi, all the casting couch harlots of Hollywood, the stylishly mannish Janets (Reno and Napolitano) and Kathleen Sebelius, PR wizard Anita Dunn, First Lady Michelle ("I have become accustomed to the high life to which I have become accustomed, and it's still not enough, so screw you") Obama, and Hillary Clinton.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen. Her hips now have hips of their own.
Oh. We forgot Dana Perino. Who is about to leave politics altogether to play Grace Kelly in the movies:
I am concerned, though, that she has stopped breast-feeding her child. Which reminds me of another war-woman-Drudge story from a couple weeks ago. (I'm thinking there must be a new kid working the graveyard shift at DR. Breasts, tampons, and things have become hot items at the venerable Drudge Report of late. He needs to get out more, probably, Matt.)
Fake rumors are something you can do when you stop caring.
Speaking of movies and the women thing, Big Hollywood has a couple things to answer for. First, they published a favorable review of the chick martial-arts movie Haywire.
I'm not going to forgive them for this. The movie sucked. Completely. Unwatchable. Not the chick's fault. But unwatchable all the same. Trust me when I tell you the trailer had the only properly lighted and in-focus scenes in the movie. The plot was incomprehensible. And I don't care if this is a spoiler: when you've waited an endless hour and a half to see the bad guy get wasted by a super-hot martial-arts chick and she finally (finally!) drops silently behind him in his lair and the movie goes instantly to closing credits, that movie is a traitorous, foul, rotting corpse of a martial arts movie. Have conservatives ALSO forgotten what female sex appeal consists of?
They don't seem to think so. Overwhelmed, no doubt, by the rabid audience approval of a site that takes minutes to load and is incompatible in video format with Apple products, not to mention the twitter-length articles that pass for conservative journalism, the new thing at BH is -- TA DA! -- cheesecake! Yes, we've been teased so far this week with hundred word articles available by clicking on these photos:
She's having them redone. Her breasts, I mean.
She's in a new movie and said something to somebody. You know. News.
She went to Yale. She can probably write & spell better than the BH dudes.
Keep this up and Big Hollywood is going to have to rename itself Big Cheesecake. Which is beginning to fit their journalistic style to be honest. Not that I mind looking at cheesecake. It's reading it that's the bore. But maybe women are winning this subterranean conflict somehow. What do you think?
Are you all kicking up your skirts and dancing yet? Well, you won't be when I show you what the War on Women has done to the First Lady of France. You'll have to wait for the pciture because it's important to learn first what being a rightwing capitalist tyrant does to the delicate flower in his life:
She was once a carefree supermodel and singer, a free spirit who travelled the world, courted superstars and held men rapt with her beauty.
Now though, the reality of life is much tougher for Carla Bruni. Wife to France's controversial President, new mother to baby daughter Giulia - and victim of a barrage of criticism levelled at her family by Nicolas Sarkozy's detractors.
Indeed, this week, it was reported that the pressure of the French presidential election campaign has put Carla Bruni-Sarkozy under so much stress that she has stopped breast-feeding her baby daughter.
And as Carla appeared today at a television studio on the election trail with her husband, she looked a world away from the glamorous model she once was.
Aww. Awwwww. Is your heart breaking?
Tragic, n'est-ce pas? uh, I actually think she looks comfy.
Leaked Oreo Ad Shows Breastfeeding Baby Holding Cookie
NORTHFIELD, Ill. (CBS St. Louis) — Kraft Foods is attempting to clean up the mess made by the accidental release of a controversial Oreo advertisement that features a breastfeeding baby.
The ad shows a baby feeding from an uncensored breast and holding an Oreo cookie in its hand.
“Milk’s favorite cookie,” it reads at the bottom.
A spokesperson from Kraft told CBS St. Louis that the ad was not intended for mass public consumption.
“We’d like to clarify that Kraft Foods did not create this visual,” a spokesperson said in a statement via e-mail. “In fact, this visual was created by our agency for a one-time use at an advertising awards program.”
The spokesperson added, “It was never intended for public distribution or use with consumers. And it has never run in Korea or any other markets.”
Cheil Worldwide, the advertising agency utilized by Kraft, has been credited with creating the design concept.
Kraft, headquartered in Northfield, Ill., is known for the production of snack goods such as Wheat Thins, Ritz Crackers and Chips Ahoy! cookies, in addition to Oreos.
Nobody wants you to see the unexpurgated photo. But you know what? I'm going to show it to you and I'm not even going to call it NSFW. Isn't this what breasteses are for? I mean, if you want to talk about a war on women, this would be pretty much the trenches, wouldn't it? Their bodies doing a positive thing they were made to do, accompanied by chocolate, which they love, and it's a whole hell of a lot lovelier than seeing the outcome of an abortion, isn't it? If this isn't safe for work, I don't know what is.
So you think women are winning the war? Yes and no.
Hate to end on this note, but the truth is, women are still crazy. Meet the Bronze Lady.
Okay, I won't end on that note. It's the Friday Follies, after all. Have some Offenbach to take home with you.
You just have to imagine the legs and underwear. I feel you can handle that.
See? Not really caring anymore is good for you...
...except when there's a truly sad note. No more Courtney Friel covering the Kentucky Derby for Fox News. She's moved on to somewhere else, and now there's some rank impostor wearing a hat she can't carry off... uh, Sorry. Courtney always reminded me of Monica, smart and insouciant and effortlessly stylish.. Life is loss.
Bye, Courtney. Women are great. Even if you've stopped caring about everything else, you can still care about them.