Monday, May 07, 2012
Monday Uppers, Downers
& Weekend Hallucinogens
Yeah, I hate this song too. As much as I hate Mondays.
SILENCE ISN'T ALWAYS GOLDEN. On Friday, Verloc somehow missed the fact that the Friday Follies is a lighthearted post. Since no one corrected him, I feel obliged to point out that this is too. Given the current doleful mood of commenters, I'm not asking you to laugh. I know that's probably impossible. So I'll make it a game instead. See how many of my designations you can turn into the absolute downers you prefer. The prize for the most successful at this task is a boxed set of the brand new Doomsday Bunkers series, spin-off from the popular Doomsday Preppers "reality" series. Are we good so far?
Yes, true, it's all just wrong. You know what but not why. Or vice versa.
Your ass got handed to you. Or, worse, to somebody else. So fuck'em all.
I thought not. Oh well. But guess what? The game goes on. Try to focus anyway.
Obama kicked off his reelection campaign at Ohio State. There were empty seats. That's fun. Unless you're The One, that is.
Being in the know as I am, I also got an email, excuse me a FireWire, informing me that the president apparently forgot his wife was still on board Air Force One when he disembarked in Columbus. There's video if you want it. Worth a chuckle at least.
NBC's Saint Thomas of Brokaw allowed as how the White House Correspondence Dinner might not be such a good idea anymore. Maybe it makes the common folk believe the press is more 1 percent than 99 percent. Whatever could have given him that idea? What he actually said was:
"Hi think Horge Hlooney is a hreat guy. Hi don't think the big press hevent in Washington should be the kind of hwittering hevent hwhere all the tahk is about Hrystal Champagne, taking over the Hitahlian embassy, and who had the best party..."
Hood for hhim.
There's a corresponding Downer to this one below, but those of you who -- like my wife -- seek to tune out Dick Morris because he was porn pals with Bill Clinton might want to listen to him on the subject of polls and pollsters. He's getting more and more adamant that Obama is in deep trouble. Maybe because he's a politician not a pollster. All the results showing dead heats or Obama marginally leading are just flat wrong, he says. Whenever Obama is under 50 percent in any poll, he's losing, because the Undecided always break strongly against the incumbent. He compares it to asking if you think you'll still be married to your spouse a year from now. If you're Undecided, that would be, well, very bad news for the marriage. Wouldn't Morris know about that?
[Verloc: Turn your head and cough. Or otherwise don't listen to this one.] Anderson Cooper of all people trashed a Moveon.org representative on CNN over the War on Women rhetoric. What's the world coming to? Humor? No, Verloc. Don't succumb to the darkness of a snicker...
Almost forgot this one. The Delaware Don, er, Joe Biden screwed the pooch on gay marriage at Meet the Press. Very bad news for his boss. Joe maundered on about the lyrics of "Who Do You Love," forgetting that Democrats in swing states don't want to say they're for or against gay marriage, while (or because) black people are 64 percent against it. I probably wouldn't have mentioned this, because who cares about imbecilic Joe, but how often do we get a chance to remember George Thorogood and the Delaware Destroyers?
A gay anthem if I've heard one. Can't you feel the ick?
Now that we've descended to the level of unacceptable gay jokes, we can close on an entertainment pick. The movie "Goon" is gross, gross, gross (shortened in redneck math to Gross3), and it's also a bizarre collage of humor about hockey, Canada, and Jews, in some order, that is also falling down funny and weirdly accurate and affectionate about its satirical targets. I prescribe it as an antidote to the tiny population of people like me who may have thought they were becoming prigs because all so-called comedies and and sitcoms seem to offensive to watch.
The great news: the outrageously gross offfensiveness of Goon is not offensive because it has no political or politically correct agenda. The satire is merciless but it's about capturing human realities, not promoting topical causes. Amazingly enough, the few hockey movies in existence are good, and I won't claim this one's the best. But it succeeds wonderfully in portraying one of the most enigmatic features of the sport -- the public sweetness and blandness of so many of the players in contrast to the on-ice savagery they consistently display. (Jews and Canadians are simply ancillary targets handled as roughly as the Jewish Canadian scriptwriter wanted to.) If you've got the stomach for incredibly raunchy jokes about everything BUT Sara Palin's cunt, take a look.
Eli ain't Peyton. His SNL performance was painful. But we knew that going in, didn't we? I know the Mannings are mostly about football. But why is Peyton the best QB ever and the best, most enigmatic, most sardonic football celebrity ever? He was the anti-Tebow before there was ever a Tebow. How mystical is that? New Yorkers would just love it if the Manhattan version were more enlightened than the Indy version, but sometimes a Twain is savvier about the waters than a Seacrest.
Speaking of football, here's an altogether too realistic description of how, and how quickly, American football could cease to exist.
Speaking of politics, the Fox News blondes, plus Chris Wallace, are just as dismissive of Dick Morris as you are. I watch Fox News Sunday only when my wife sleeps in and doesn't nudge me in the direction of "Say Yes to the Dress" instead. I don't watch FNS as a rule because it makes me angrier than anything I see in the MSM. They dutifully repeat exactly the same skewed, demographically rigged MSM polls, the same government numbers about the improving state of the economy, and the supposedly conservative panel bleats dutifully about what an edge Obama has going into the election. So it's either conservative political spin designed to make conservatives afraid and fired up, or it's MSM Lite. The latter of which is my suspicion.
SholomTV. Discovered this channel On Demand. Saw a half-hour documentary about "Intifada on American College Campuses." All right, I thought. The counterattack!. Only not so. The facts were factual, the footage was effective, the crisis was made real enough. American college students are being systematically taught to hate Jews. But for me the bottom fell out when I realized the audience for the piece was American Jewish students. Who needed to be taught that it's not okay to remain silent. That they cannot remain silent. No shit,Serlock. The last five minutes was devastating. Biblical, Jewish, and Israeli history -- including Israel's military record, superlative humanitarian response to natural catastrophes, and unparalleled winning of Nobel prizes -- demonstrating that Jews are no longer taking for granted their own kids' knowledge of the history of their people. Not to mention no mention of the cussedness and philosophical/existential challenge represented by the fact that highighted anti-Jews in the videos cited included people who were obviously Jews. They're losing their own kids and they're in a state of cataclysmic denial. I couldn't have been more bummed.
Breitbart is making a big deal out of the fact that SNL chose to begin its Eli show by spiking a planned skit about Obama spiking the Osama football and trashing Fox & Friends instead. The skit was unfair. But F&F is still a huge embarrassment to literate conservatives. And then, this morning, Brian Kilmeade repeated the joke ascribed to him. What else could he do? But it sounded like a joke he would make because he's a joker, not a racist. Reminded me of how overmatched we are by smonks who have more wit than intelligence. For sure, drive F&F off the air. But don't confuse THEM with the rest of us. Except that's their whole intent.
The French are still French. Europe will keep on being Europe, a problem child to the end. Sarkozy gone. Some new Frog in charge to fuck the whole continent for another decade. Cool? Or not cool?
The second most popular app for the iPhone. Something called FUGLY. Your phone takes a picture of YOU and tells YOU whether YOU are beautiful or ugly. Magic mushroom time. You buy this? It's a scale of one to ten (1 Galadriel, 10 Hunchback of Notre Dame) and the app makes glib remarks about the results. The bad news? Angelina Jolie gets a two. The good news? Brad Pitt gets a nine. And this young & seethingly desired celebrity scores worse than Brad Pitt:
uh, her name is Dannii Minogue. Singer and all around FUGLY person.
The Bizzarro World News. You still get to decide who you are and what you're worth.
Why this week is like every other. Unless you're hiding in your fucking bunker.
I have more to say about sitting in the corner like Eeyore. And if I look like Piglet to you, so be it.