Saturday, June 25, 2005

Fox News Scandal?

Surprised by paparazzi in Aruba. What have they been up to?

PSAYINGS.5A.40. An anonymous source in Aruba has told the XOFF News Team that "something fishy" is going on between FNC's Greta Van Susteren and notorious ladykiller Alan Colmes. While the pair were supposedly separately on assignment in the tiny island paradise, they were observed together on numerous occasions. One witness saw them getting bicycle riding lessons. Another saw Colmes trying to talk one of those beach ladies into braiding Greta's hair, apparently with no success. A waiter from a hotel neither is (officially) registered in claimed to have served them a romantic dinner for two -- PB&J sandwiches, Doritos, and cottage cheese washed down by Snapple and club soda cocktails. For dessert they had canned peaches. A lifeguard at yet another hotel saw them dog-paddling together in the children's wading pool. Afterwards they sat together for five minutes in the sun and sprayed each other with instant tanning lotion before disappearing indoors.

The concierge of the hotel told XOFF News, "If I was that Mrs. Colmes or that Mr. Van Susterenen, I'd be plenty worried, mon."

We know we're worried. If we find out they've been taking sleeping lessons as well, there will be no more doubt. As it is, where there's smoke, there might also be an acrid smell.

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