Thursday, June 30, 2005
Live8: Bigger by the Minute
Reunions & Comebacks Galore
John Lennon George Harrison Jimi Hendrix Jim Morrison
Janis Joplin Kurt Cobain & Buddy Holly Keith Richards
ROCKING ROLL MUSIC. Promoters of the impending Live8 concert have apparently saved the best for last. Interest in the event had already reached fever pitch:
Tens of thousands of people were queuing today for a second chance to get tickets for the Live8 concert in Hyde Park.
Many had spent the night outside theatres and concert halls around the country in order to get some of the 55,000 free tickets to watch the event on giant screens in the park.
In London, fans endured torrential rainstorms as they camped out.
But now, the public's apparently insatiable demand for middle-aged rock stars is about to experience a rush as potent as a fatal heroin overdose. Concert czar Bob Geldoff, Duke of St. Johns Wood, has revealed a plethora of new additions to the Live8 performer lineup, including John Lennon and George Harrison, who will team up with Sir Ringo Starr and Lord Viscount Paul McCartney for a full-boat Beatles reunion, plus the late Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison reunited with the legendary Doors, Kurt Cobain, Buddy Holly, and most incredibly of all the long and still deceased Keith Richards.
We had the unique opportunity to conduct a sit down interview with these superstars at Geldoff's office in the U.K. It was an informal session. We asked some questions of the group, and the stars spoke up as they felt inclined. Here's a partial transcript.
XOFF News. It's great to see you all. People the world over have been wanting to see you perform again for decades. What is it about this event that has tempted you back into the limelight?
Buddy Holly. It's the debt thing. We just can't stand by and do nothing while the Third World suffocates under the usurious greed of the industrial nations.
John Lennon. You got that right, bro.
Janis Joplin. Right on. Anybody here got a little something to drink?
Kurt Cobain. Yeah, it's the debt thing. And we also feel like we maybe owe it to our fans.
Jim Morrison. Did somebody say something about a drink? Count me in on that.
Jimi Hendrix. That's right, dog. I've always been really concerned about the Third World, and, like, what those American bitches were doin to it. I also didn't like all that s__t I been hearing about Live8 being only old white dudes. (Turning to Morrison) Here, Jim, give this a try.
XOFF News. What do you honestly expect is going to happen as a result of this concert? Do you think that music actually has the power to remedy an international financial mess involving hundreds of billions of dollars?
Morrison. Cool. This s__t rocks.
Joplin. Can I have some?
Cobain. That would be good.
George Harrison. How much? Did you say hundreds of billions? Jeez. That's more than Paul makes in a year.
Keith Richards. Don't hog all that blow, Jimi. You know, I gotta say, you all look terrible. And Janis doll, I'd appreciate it if you'd keep your hands to yourself.
XOFF News. Now that we've covered the politics, let's move on to the fun stuff. How does anybody feel about seeing the Beatles and the Doors all back together again?
Morrison. Geldoff. Pass me that bottle of Wild Turkey on your desk, would you? Thanks.
Joplin. Don't be a pig, Jim. Leave some for somebody else, would you?
Richards. Let's say we get rid of these reporters and do a little jamming.
Lennon. I have a short written statement I'd like to read about world peace and the crushing burden of international debt. Could somebody lend me some reading glasses?
Morrison. Go f__k yourself, John. You always were a g_d__n bore.
Lennon. Who you calling a bore, you drunken sod? I'll smash you in your fat face in a minute.
Hendrix. Keith, what do you say we get the f__k out of here and find a party and some ho's?
Richards. Dog, you took the words right out of my mouth. (Exeunt.)
XOFF News. Well, thank you all very much. I'm sure I speak for the whole world when I tell you we're all looking forward to the concert.
Joplin. Is anybody else getting horny? [General free-for-all]
Yes, it was a rare privilege to meet the giants of music history. It's no wonder at all that Live8 is being billed as the greatest musical event since Madonna's Blond Ambition Tour. Like all the other fans, we just can't wait.
Be sure to wake us when it starts.
[Editor's Note: the music file accompanying this page is Janis Joplin's new recording of the classic "Wild Thing," soon to be on iPods everywhere.]