Thursday, June 30, 2005
Noonan Pops the Balloon.
Barack Obama contemplating his greatness.
THE WORST THING YOU CAN DO. Peggy Noonan better look out. She wrote a column this week that's bound to get her noticed by the biggest heads in Washington. Here's a sample:
This week comes the previously careful Sen. Barack Obama, flapping his wings in Time magazine and explaining that he's a lot like Abraham Lincoln, only sort of better. "In Lincoln's rise from poverty, his ultimate mastery of language and law, his capacity to overcome personal loss and remain determined in the face of repeated defeat--in all this he reminded me not just of my own struggles."
Oh. So that's what Lincoln's for. Actually Lincoln's life is a lot like Mr. Obama's. Lincoln came from a lean-to in the backwoods. His mother died when he was 9. The Lincolns had no money, no standing. Lincoln educated himself, reading law on his own, working as a field hand, a store clerk and a raft hand on the Mississippi. He also split some rails. He entered politics, knew more defeat than victory, and went on to lead the nation through its greatest trauma, the Civil War, and past its greatest sin, slavery.
Barack Obama, the son of two University of Hawaii students, went to Columbia and Harvard Law after attending a private academy that taught the children of the Hawaiian royal family. He made his name in politics as an aggressive Chicago vote hustler in Bill Clinton's first campaign for the presidency.
You see the similarities.Rather delightfully, she gives much the same treatment to the senators who forged the "no filibuster, except..." deal (McCain, McCain, etc), as well as Silent Majority Leader Bill Frist, the Clintons, and Supreme Court justices Ruth Bader-Ginsberg and John Paul ("The Great") Stevens. In her coda she imagines the latter two retiring from the court to write their memoirs, which might go something like this:
Like Jefferson I held to principle, and like Lincoln I often lacked air conditioning. But in my intellectual gifts I've always found myself to be more like Oliver Wendell Holmes . . .She wants to know what is in the water in Washington, DC. We want to know what is going on with Peggy Noonan. Has she accomplished some kind of astral body soul swap with Ann Coulter? Ms. Noonan is often clever and perceptive, but she is never uproariously funny. Not like this. And our suspicions were heightened when we checked out Ms. Coulter's latest column, which is uncharacteristically grave and lacking in yucks:
That's the America you live in! A country founded on a compact with God, forged from the idea that all men are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights is now a country where taxpayers can be forced to subsidize "artistic" exhibits of aborted fetuses. But don't start thinking about putting up a Ten Commandments display. That's offensive!Do you feel like chuckling? You see? And that's why we're worried about Peggy. Heaven knows, Ann Coulter's used to the abuse and assaults that flow from being a conservative with a wicked sense of humor. She's at the peak of training for dodging liberal brickbats, the slings and arrows of outrageous pundits, and the occasional cream pie that passes for reasoned argument in the halls of academe. But is Peggy up to this?
We suggest that Ms. Noonan immediately
hire a personal trainer and begin a gruelling regimen of twice daily
dodgeball workouts before venturing out in public again. The other
alternative would be for Ms. Noonan to go back to being Peggy Noonan
and leave being Ann Coulter to Ann Coulter.
No disrespect intended to either lady.
Just trying to be of service.