Thursday, August 25, 2005

Our Favorite Liberals:
Michael Moore Update

Extreme Makeover

GOODNESS RESURGENT. Well, they say you can't keep a good man down, and Michael Moore seems to be recovering nicely from his post-election depression. It helps to find worthwhile things to do, things that keep you so busy you don't have time to dwell on catastrophes past.

Luck helps too. If you hate Jews, for example, it's normally impossible to find situations in which you get to laugh at the conduct of the Israeli army. Normally, they roll out fast, kick some Palestinian ass, and go back home grimly triumphant. But Allah has been smiling on his adopted son Michael; according to IsraPundit:

If you were watching closely FoxNews coverage of the Kfar Darom Expulsion, you would have seen among the media pool Radical Leftist MICHAEL MOORE, famous propagandist Hollywood director, standing outside the Kfar Darom Synagogue with a smirk and his video camera, shooting humiliating video footage of the Jews being dragged out of the Synagogue, to show his friends, the peace-loving Palestinians, and the ISM.

What could be more fun than watching Jews carrying crying Jews out of their houses in Israel? Maybe only one thing, but it's a thing so good that it takes away the sting of getting  thrown out of Israel. You can help use a grieving mother to score cheap political points against the commander-in-chief of your country. Cool:

Politics have again made for strange bedfellows: Michael Moore cares about a Dead White Guy. Moore is among the internationalist socialists and anti-U.S. fanatics supporting protest operations in Crawford, Texas, outside President Bush’s ranch.

The protest’s figurehead is Cindy Sheehan whose son, Casey, was a soldier killed in Iraq in April 2004. An obliging media portrays Sheehan as one-woman-making-a-difference, but Moore and groups such as Code Pink-Women For Peace, and others orchestrate the events and publicity.

But what happens when the grieving mother leaves the media stage for a while? Why, you can fill in the time helping to organize a brand new liberal way of supporting the troops. Who wouldn't want to get in on something like this?

Anti-war protestors besieged wounded and disabled soldiers at Walter Reed Hospital in Washington, D.C, a new web report will claim! is planning to run an expose on Thursday featuring interviews with both protestors and veterans, as well as shots of protest signs with slogans like “Maimed for a Lie.”

The conservative outlet will post video evidence of the wounded veterans being taunted by protesters, the DRUDGE REPORT has learned.

Yes, if you're a good man, you have to go the last mile in supporting the brave troops who are trying to free Iraq from Halliburton, parliamentary democracy, and the Great Satan. Allah be praised.

More fun than a barrel of monkeys, and it definitely lifts the thunderheads of depression, even if a lonely cloud or two remains and starts following you around with a video camera. What are you supposed to do about persecution like this?

Michael & Me," my self-financed, independent film, recently debuted on

Michael Moore argues that America possesses "too many guns." If so, why in the last 20 years -- with gun ownership up -- has violent crime declined in America? Liberals believe gun control reduces crime. Does it? What about the effect on urban crime when cities outlaw so-called "cheap Saturday night specials"?

How often do Americans use guns for defensive purposes? I wanted to put this question to Moore. He tells us, for example, that over 11,000 people die each year because of guns. But how many Americans credit their lives with their ability to use a gun to defend themselves?

"Michael & Me" asks why, if America possesses "too many guns," is the murder rate among Japanese Americans actually lower than in Japan? And why, in England, with severe gun restriction, is the English murder rate growing, and the violent crime rate -- assaults, car thefts, hot burglaries -- now exceeding ours?

As Moore did in his entertaining film "Roger & Me," I sought out the director -- some might say "ambushed" -- in order to ask him a few questions. 

The nerve. As if a REAL film producer doesn't have enough tricks up his sleeve to thwart and even upstage an amateur like what's-his-name. What do you do? You grab a bigger headline than he ever could:

There  may soon be less of  Michael Moore.

The portly propagandist is doing a stint at the Pritikin Longevity Center & Spa in Aventura, Fla. — also known as the "fat farm for the rich." Moore is learning how to cook healthy meals and exercise and attending classes on "life re-education."

The program starts at $3,800 a week and promises enrolees they'll "learn a new approach to eating," "never have to diet again," and can lose up to 12 pounds in the first three weeks.

The facility also has "cosmetic/medical treatments, such as intense pulsed light, botox injections, and Restylane."

But is this the whole story? Not on your life. A REAL celebrity knows when to take a hard look all the way around the table and go "all in." The XOFF News Team has learned that Michael Moore has signed a seven-figure deal with the ABC show Extreme Makeover to devote an entire season to the largest single challenge in the history of cosmetic surgery and the allied arts: to make Michael Moore attractive.

No expense will be spared. Teams of surgeons have been gathered from around the world, as well as dentists, ophthalmologists, personal trainers, clothing designers, hair stylists, and makeup artists. Their specific objectives include pioneering new surgical techniques to raise a recognizable human face from the melted-pudding-with-a-mouth Moore presently possesses, eliminating hundreds of pounds of flab and cellulite without actually requiring Moore to employ any self discipline or exercise in the process, and subtly altering Moore's eyes to eliminate (or reduce) their look of low animal cunning and sadistic megalomania.

Robert Ruth, a spokesman for Extreme Makeover: Michael Moore Edition, says, "There's no question that it's a risk. Michael is about as repulsive a person as anyone could imagine. Up close, he's even worse than he is in public. Two of our producers have already gone on long-term disability, and three more have quit. But that's what makes reality television so exciting. We'll succeed or fail live on TV in 22 weeks of the most grueling beautification project ever attempted. Be sure to tune in."

We can't wait. How about you?

While you're waiting, here are a few other delicious morsels about our favorite suppurating boil:

Two Peas in a Pod.

Palme D'Or for Michael Moore.

Michael Moore's Little Oysters.

Abuse of Power, Chickenhawks, and the Limbaugh Defense.

Plus, a link to the site of our good friend Dave Hardy:

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