Thursday, October 27, 2005

Happy now?

FAIR HARRIERS. So we've ditched the old gray mustang and the path is now clear for a righteous conservative from the heartland, a.k.a. Harvard. Just a few thoughts to share with the victors as they embark on their triumphant chariot ride through the Square. Brit Hume says you're gleeful today, but we think you should be cautious about celebrating overmuch. Herewith our take on the melodrama just concluded.

Winners and Losers

The first one is easy. With one small exception, the only winners here are the Democrats. They got to watch the partisans of the right shooting each other in the head, which must be marvelous fun. In addition, they will be the beneficiaries of the right wing's use of left wing tactics to torpedo the unacceptable old lady from Texas: the demand for executive-privileged documentation, the insistence that certain ideological questions must be answered before anyone can be confirmed, the requirement that every nominee must sport the same credentials that have resulted in the current batch of Republican-nominated judicial social engineers. Yes, we're talking abundant high fives in the Democrat cloakroom here, sly sniggers, secret toasts, knowing winks across the marinas of Nantucket. If they're smart, they won't mention what an enormous advantage in future judiciary battles you've handed them on a silver platter. But they're not smart, so you'll be learning in painful detail just how seriously you f___ed up on CNN and MSNBC over the days, weeks, and months ahead. Your infantile tirades about Harriet Miers will be quoted and quoted and quoted against you for years to come. Congratulations.

The exception? Hugh Hewitt. We've been hard on him here at InstaPunk in the past, but we are delighted to discover that he really is a man of principle even if he did go to Harvard. He fought the good fight against the shortsighted elitist hysteria that consumed his beloved blogosphere. Hats off to you, Mr. Hewitt. You're as fair as you are independent.

Now for the Losers. Here's a list.

George Will. If there's anything worse than a Harvard man, it's a Princeton boy. He's always been a laughingstock to liberals. Now he's a joke to everyone but the losers on this list.

Arlen Specter. We always knew who he was. A Philadelphia lawyer, i.e., a pretentious, self-absorbed whore in a shiny suit. Now he's proved it again. We'd best not forget it this time.

Robert Bork. If you'd kept your big mouth shut, you'd have been the perfect alternative nominee, a defiant gesture by a justifiably enraged president. But you just had to put in your impolitic two cents, which is all it was worth by the way, the fair price of learning that you really were a loser all along.

The right wing media, including Bill Kristol, David Frum, Charles Krauthammer, Michelle Malkin, Laura Ingraham, Ann Coulter, and all the other Ivy League wags who tell conservatives what we must think if we are to save the republic from Hillary Clinton. Your premature and over-the-top tantrum sealed the fate of the biggest loser in the whole circus:

Republicans. Once again, your congressional leadership has been stripped naked in public, revealing a spineless, brainless carcass that deserves the mountain of indignities that will be heaped upon it in future confirmation processes. Have you ever taken a trip outside the Beltway? No. Can you spell L-O-Y-A-L-T-Y? No. Pardon us while we sleep through your next reelection campaigns.

Note that we didn't include the president or Harriet Miers on this list. They may be feeling like losers at the moment, but when the dust clears the American people will be shaking their heads in disbelief that a woman of such prodigious accomplishment and virtue was subjected to such scathingly condescending disrespect by her own partisans. And George Bush is off the hook for the record-setting barbarism of the confirmation process(es) to come. He got stabbed in the back, but the blood on the floor won't all be his. Why? Because we know what's coming.


Yeah, we know. You've blown through everything we've said without paying any attention at all, because you know you've really won. You'll get a nominee more to your liking, and that's all that counts. Well, here's our bet. Yes, you'll get a nominee more to your liking, and he will have all the credentials you've been yammering about. He'll win an incredibly bitter and ugly confirmation fight by an eyelash, and then he'll join the court -- and turn out to be another Souter. It's really not possible to know how a nominee will vote on your favorite issues until he delivers his opinions from the SCOTUS bench. Not possible unless you know him really really well. Like... what was her name?

Oh well. Ann Coulter's canines have just grown another eighth of an inch longer. One more nominee and she'll be able to play Lady Dracula without makeup. You take your consolation where you can find it.

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