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Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Emergency Recall!

France is running out of cars.

PSAYINGS.5Q.56. Rocked by the ballooning crisis, the French government has announced extraordinary measures to return the nation to a state of normalcy. President Jacques Chirac has rolled back the curfew on youth in French cities from 2 am to the stroke of midnight, lowered the boom on consumption of spirits by minors to a ration of two liters of wine per day, and declared Arabic the new national language of France. He has expressed confidence that these steps will end the violence and enable the task of repairing the damage to begin.

Toward this end, Chirac has also announced a draconian plan to fill the extreme shortage of automobiles which now exists in major cities throughout the nation. Exercising the long unused "droit de l'empereur" (literally, the right to be insufferably dictatorial), which dates to the time of Napoleon, he has commanded all the sovereign nations of the world to return to France all French cars and trucks in the possession of their citizens, regardless of age, condition, or value. The order, he has decreed, is to be complied with at once, at the foreign owner's expense, on pain of punitive actions to be specified later.

The French foreign ministry has already published a list of all French vehicles exported to the United States in the last half century, along with identifying photographs supplied by French intelligence. The owners of the following are directed to make immediate arrangements for shipment of these vehicles back to France:


Model: 1960 Citroen 2cv
Technical ID: La Voiture Grise
(tr. The Gray One)


Model: 1972 Citroen DS
Technical ID: La Voiture Verte
(tr. The Green One)


Model: 1964 Citroen 2cv
Technical ID: La Voiture Rouge
(tr. The Red One)


Model: 1958 Peugeot 403
Technical ID: Le Cabriolet de Colombe
(tr. Columbo's P.O.S.)


Model: 1952 Citroen 15cv
Technical ID: La Voiture Ancienne
(tr. Older than Dirt)


Model: 1962 Citroen 2cv
Technical ID: Le Rouge et le Noir
(tr. a novel by Stendahl?)


Model: 1959 Citroen 2cv
Technical ID: La Miserable
(tr. a Hugo novel?)


Model: 1966 Citroen DS Familiale
Technical ID: La Voiture Blanche
(tr. The Station Wagon)


Model: 1964 Citroen 2cv Camion
Technical ID: Le Truck
(tr. Another P.O.S.)

We trust that the owners of these vehicles will recognize them and offer the rest of us some explanation for acquiring them in the first place. What transpires between you and the French government is, of course, your own business.

Thank you for your patience with this interruption in your busy day.

UPDATE. Michelle Malkin is faulting the media for easing up on coverage of the French contretemps. We'd like to remind her that we've stayed on this story despite our own massive lack of interest and concern. And we covered it again tomorrow too. So there.








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