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Saturday, December 03, 2005

ADAM.22.1-9. There's more and more talk these days about hybrid cars, which combine electric motors or windmills or something with internal combustion engines to use less gas. Buying one is a very politically correct thing to do, and those of us who don't are supposed to feel a little guilty about clinging to an old-fashioned technology that enriches the Saudis and represents a continuing danger to the Alaskan caribou.

I think this is a lot of piffle. The manufacturers of these things aren't serious. They're trying to score PR points with rabid environmentalists, and that's it. My evidence? Look at the damn things. These are cars for people who hate cars, a niche market that used to be served by Volvo and Saab. They're almost affectedly goofy in their lines and proportions. They're the automotive equivalent of castor oil, vile tasting stuff that's supposed to be good for you. If they could speak, they'd sound like Mortimer Snerd, and they'd say things like, "Uh, I'm just sensible transportation, yup, yup, yup, thank you very much." And, yeah, I know Honda is also offering hybrid versions of the Civic and the Accord. So what. I don't care how ecstatic Car and Driver waxes about the Accord; throughout its long history, it's been about as seductive and fascinating as a Maytag washer. Serious car people don't want'em, and there's a very long evidentiary record in this country demonstrating Americans to be, on the whole, extremely serious car people.

Furthermore, there's absolutely no reason for us to apologize for loving cars and wanting them to reflect our personalities and tastes. The ongoing geeking of America may be satisfying to some, but I guarantee that there's still a commanding majority of us who believe that even 21st century life should still permit individuals to pursue romance, excitement, and esthetic enjoyment. Environmentalists can fantasize all they want about the virtue of transforming us into a nation of drab Luddite drones, but if they should ever succeed, millions of people would stop getting out of bed in the morning. What would be the point? Life has to be about more than what we consume and excrete from our tailpipes, and recycling as an avocation is even less inspiring than collecting Star Wars merchandise.

So forget about the guilt trip. The onus is all on the automotive manufacturers. Design and build hybrids that are cooler, sleeker, faster, and more fun to drive than the old technology, and people will buy them. Until then, if I have to choose between a Honda Insight and the brand new equivalently priced Pontiac Solstice gas-burner, there's no question at all which one I'll pick.


NOTE TO HUGH HEWITT READERS. The reported "plummeting" of the stock was caused by a malicious rumor that site superstar Puck Punk had badly sprained his syntax and would be unavailable to play in the upcoming season. The truth is that Puck Punk suffered a compound fracture of his diction three years ago but is now fully recovered. As much as can be expected anyway.

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