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Wednesday, April 05, 2006

No Delay for Delay

The Man with No Delay

DAVE.52.1-18. We've heard of politicians who leave office and subsequently offer up some opinions that are more candid than the exigencies of political life allow. But Tom "The Hammer" Delay is clearly in the process of setting a new record. He started spouting off within hours of announcing his resignation, which means he's now shooting from the hip while still a member of Congress. That's what we call a fast gun. Frankly, he was fanning so many shots across the horizon yesterday, that's it hard to determine who exactly he took down first, but here's our preliminary count of the initial victims:

The GOP Leadership

The Washington Times reports that:

Departing Rep. Tom DeLay of Texas said yesterday that House Republicans have no vision or agenda and have let the Democrats choose the GOP leadership.

Bang.

The Democrat Leadership (with collateral damage to Republicans)

Again from the Washington Times:

"The only reason I was indicted [was] the stupid rule that allows the Democrats to pick the Republican leadership," Mr. DeLay said.

He was referring to a party rule requiring that any Republican indicted for a crime give up his leadership post. Mr. DeLay has contended that is why the Democrats, who have no such rule, persuaded Ronnie Earle to seek a grand jury indictment of Mr. DeLay and keep seeking it until he got one.

Bang.

John McCain

Ibid:

He warned that if the immigration bill sponsored by Sens. John McCain and Edward M. Kennedy becomes law, it "would seriously undermine our own base" and cost Republicans seats in the November elections. The House "should not conference with the Senate on something we haven't discussed in the House."

Bang.

Cynthia McKinney

Human Events Online is reporting that:

Soon-to-retire Rep. Tom DeLay (R.-Tex.) said today he would file an ethics complaint against Rep. Cynthia McKinney (D.-Ga.) for striking a Capitol Police officer should no other House member do so first.

DeLay’s comments came during a wide-ranging interview at his Capitol Hill office with reporters, including HUMAN EVENTS Editor Terry Jeffrey.

“If nobody in this House files an ethics charge, I am,” DeLay said in response to a question about McKinney. “Her behavior is outrageous. And it’s not the only time.”

Bang.

Then he blew the smoke from his revolver, established a meaningful personal and historical context for his outrage (ouch), and fired again:

The subject of McKinney came up after DeLay recounted a fond memory he had of a Capitol Police officer killed in the line of duty. When asked about his best and worst days as a lawmaker, he said his best day was the GOP’s sweep in 1994.

The worst day, he recalled, was July 24, 1998, when Capitol Police Detective John Gibson was shot to death by Russell Weston Jr. in DeLay’s office. Fellow officer Jacob “J.J.” Chestnut was also killed that day protecting the congressman’s staff from the gunman.

The episode prompted DeLay to erect a tribute to Gibson on his office wall. He told reporters that a plaque he keeps in his office with the words “This Could Be the Day” serves as a reminder of Gibson, who had discussed its meaning with DeLay only two days before he was killed.

Bang, bang.

THIS JUST IN... MORE UNCONFIRMED REPORTS OF GUNFIRE FROM TOM DELAY...

We can't verify this because it's only an unlinked item on Drudge, but here's what's coming over the wires:

REP. DELAY ON FOXNEWS: 'Cynthia McKinney is a racist. She has a long history of racism. Everything is racism with her. This is incredible arrogance, and -- that sometimes hits these members of congress, but especially Cynthia McKinney'...

Bang, bang, bang, bang.

POSTSCRIPT. We don't know where all this is going, of course, but we can't help hoping -- like the evil conservatives we are -- that Tom reloads his shooting irons and moves out after some additional targets. We have no objection if he pauses along the way to take out Ronnie Earle, who would look much better with a Texas-style epithet branded between his eyes, but we'd also like to suggest that Tom shoot off his mouth -- with cold and deadly candor -- about the real corruption in Congress: the scruple-free cabal of rich and pampered aristocrats who are trying to assassinate the presidency of George Bush and cripple the foreign policy of the United States at one of the most precarious moments in our history. His gunbelt ought to include rhetorical bullets engraved with the names of Thomas Feingold, Charles Schumer, Teddy Kennedy, Richard Durbin, Harry Reid, Barbara Boxer, Tom Harkin, Joseph Biden, John Kerry, Hillary Clinton, Nancy Pelosi, Charles Rangel, James McDermott, Maxine Waters, John Dingel, and Barney Frank. These people are all more despicable than even Lee Van Cleef would have the stomach to play. Collateral damage is acceptable. If bringing down Feingold mortally wounds the career of John McCain, so be it. If Lincoln Chafee, Chuck Hagel, Howard Dean, and the Lords of the MSM should get caught in the crossfire by unlucky accident, that would be okay, too, especially if some Hollywood celebrities are hanging out in the same filthy saloon.

If Tom is still in one piece after that, we'd really appreciate it if he'd also take aim at the naysayers who are trying to dispel the rumor of Scott McClellan's imminent (and crucial) departure and do what comes naturally. Maybe other members of the GOP could acquire some spine by example. You don't have to be all good and nicey-nicey to accomplish some indisensable objectives. It's called remembering the mission.

Of course, we know that makes us seem uncivil. But we can live with that. We bet a lot of you could too.

UPDATE. Do you remember the scene where Clint outdraws Lee Van Cleef and then shoots his hat into the open grave before he makes Eli Wallach put a noose around his own neck? Sure you do. Well, we've reached the part where Lee is surprised as hell to discover he's beeen shot.



We won't make any jokes about shooting McKinney's hat because Neal Boortz is still recovering from the apology he had to make about her headwear, but we will allow ourselves to speculate about who gets to be Eli Wallach in the big scene. Who in the GOP leadership would look best teetering on a wooden cross while dangling from a tree branch and waiting for Clint to shoot (or not) the rope that will otherwise hang him?



We give up. You decide. Contest rules are detailed in one of our entries for April 6, 2006.









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