Wednesday, May 17, 2006

 Monsieurrr Colbairrrrr... Creeeep.


TV. Show biz is s-o-o-o cool. You get famous for making a fool of yourself on camera, and then the day comes when you get to do it in front of people who have actually achieved something.

That moment came for Stephen Colbert a few days ago. He responded as instant celebrities frequently do, by being rude and stupid.

In the course of his monologue, Colbert mockingly praised the media for its subservience to the administration: “Over the last five years you people were so good—over tax cuts, WMD intelligence, the effect of global warming. We Americans didn’t want to know, and you had the courtesy not to try to find out.” He further suggested the assembled journalists ought to “[w]rite that novel you’ve got kicking around in your head. You know, the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration. You know—fiction!”

This performance is, of course, making Colbert a hero among the left-wing columnists and  bloggers. He should be worried. To be lionized by Democrats is the kiss of death for a comedian. It's the sign that you've been adopted by the group that has the least sense of humor in the country. To retain their allegiance, you can't make fun of anyone BUT Republicans -- no more jokes about blacks, women, Hispanics, seniors, blind folk, or dwarves. No smoking on stage.

Sad thing is, Republicans aren't nearly as funny as blacks, women, Hispanics, seniors, blind folk, or dwarves. And unfortunately, we're the biggest audience there is. We love to laugh at blacks, women, Hispanics, seniors, blind folk, dwarves, and ourselves. Problem is, we have to like the guy telling the jokes. And what we really don't like is a cheap-shot artist who takes advantage of situations -- say, an audience containing a president who can't punch a comedian in the mouth, no matter how much he deserves it.-- in which he can get away with substandard material because it pleases the most humorless people in attendance.

Guess what. We don't like Stephen Colbert. He's a one-joke clown. "Hey, I'm Bill O'Reilley, only instead, I'm this really cool guy who's almost as well educated as Bill O'Reilley, which gives me the right to ridicule him on a daily series."

Uh, sure. Yeah, he attended some classes at Northwestern. Big whoop. (Everyone at Instapunk went to Harvard.) He has a TV show. Cool. But that doesn't give him the right to describe all the President's appearances in times of national crisis as photo ops. That's what such moments are for show biz folk. It's not what they are for the President of the United States. To declaim that they are, with the President in attendance, is to reveal yourself as a mite callow. Hardly the stuff of Voltaire. More like Andrew Dice Clay. As funny as farting at a white tie ball.

[For extra credit, Monsieur Colbert: Voltaire's name was an anagram of his real name. What was the name, Northwestern boy?]

The 8th Punk Commandment: A dork is a dork, no matter how you dress him up

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