Saturday, May 08, 2004
Our presidential candidates demonstrating their fitness to serve.
MEDIA MAMAS. This is just too good. We have it on excellent authority that Margaret Carlson appeared on MSNBC last night, commenting on the performance of Donald Rumsfeld during his congressional testimony. What did Margaret have to say? "He thinks he's a combination of John Wayne and Hugh Grant," she opined. Huh? This made us remember our entry for Margaret back in the year 2000 for our feature called Who's Who in Shuteye Nation (names changed to protect the guilty). It wasn't very respectful. Now that we've experienced her latest wisdom, we feel, well, not very respectful.
Margaret Curlson. Political columnist for Newsprint magazine and regularly scheduled pundit on CTN's Capital Geeks. She's the one who did all her homework in ninth grade even the day after the tornado flattened the school. But then nobody invited her to the prom, and she's been mad ever since. She's also figured out that it's all the fault of the Republians. Well, that's progress. Now, if she could only nerve herself up to get one of those miraculous TV talk show makeovers—lose the glasses, get her hair washed, try some makeup—who knows what wonderful things might happen?And as long as we're being less than respectful, we thought maybe we'd throw in our Who's Who entry for Eleanor Clift. She probably sounded off about about Rumsfeld last night too, or at least she'll be doing so very soon. Too bad for her.
Eleanor Cleft. Political columnist for Newsprint magazine and frequent guest pundit on TV shows about politics. She's even more insane than Mary Magdalen, which is saying something. When she's on TV, you can actually feel her throbbing and pulsing her way to a full-blown psychotic episode. Hate is just too mild a word for the way she feels about Republians, and the betting line in Lost Vegas is that she'll be the first TV journalist to come to work one day with a semi-automatic rifle and waste a few of her right-leaning pundit colleagues. It's hard to say where all this animus comes from. On the face of it, she's had a pretty fortunate career for a woman of extremely modest intelligence and charm. It's hard to imagine anyone inviting her to participate in any event, professional or social. Maybe she just showed up one day, and nobody's ever wanted to run the risk of telling her she's not wanted. On the other hand, maybe it's a diversity issue. There can't be too many other pundits who take the position that abortions should be not just legal, but mandatory. This may sound a little chauvinistic, but we're only trying to help—has she, we wonder, ever tried sex? It's been known to calm people down. Some people. Somewhat. Forget it. Sorry we asked.We're tired of media mamas.