Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Bring us your tired, your
poor, your bad girls...
Her name is Deeya. She's naughty, and the muslims don't want her.
PEACE. This entry is to be filed in the category called "Why We'll Win in the End." We don't ordinarily pay much attention to muslim pop music, so we have to thank Michelle Malkin for acquainting us with Deeya. She's a Norwegian muslim who apparently wants to be a girl, which is a sin in Islam. (That's why they're going to lose in the end.) She got driven out of Norway, a country which left all its balls behind on the last page of Viking history, and everything she does to advance her pop singing career seems to irritate the imams, well, a lot.
You can see her music video here and a short documentary of her trials and tribulations here.
The bottom line, as our audio file suggests, is that she's spending a lot of time in the U.S. now, and we couldn't help wondering what will happen as the Muslim Madonna settles herself in for a good ol' American celebrity career. So, without further ado, our predictions:
She'll have widely publicized affairs with Brad Pitt, Jay-Zee, and then Fred Durst, who will post a video of the two of them having sex on the Internet. Her first CD will go platinum.
She'll be offered a prime time reality show in which she'll make millions pretending she doesn't know about anything American, like McDonald's, major league baseball, paintball, and strip clubs. When she learns about American lawyers, she'll sue her record company, her agent, Fred Durst, and the producers of her show. After she loses all her lawsuits, she'll have a very public nervous breakdown and go into rehab.
She'll launch her second career on a two-hour prime-time special with Oprah Winfrey, where she'll introduce America to her new Lesbian girlfriend Margot.
Margot will commit suicide on the front page of the National Equirer when Deeya elopes with 300-pound ex-movie star Alec Baldwin. The pair will become a fixture at concerts and telethons celebrating natural disasters, left-wing politicians, and hopeless Third World causes.
In the Playboy interview attendant to her nude Playboy pictorial (signed for a cool $5 million), Deeya will explain why American culture is so deeply corrupt that she and Alec now spend most of their time on either the Spanish Riviera or their 1,000 sq km ranch outside Buenos Aires. But she'll still be keeping up with politics enough to know that the new Republican presidential nominee is even more stupid and evil than George W. Bush.
After her divorce from Alec, she'll suddenly recommit herself to Islam and build a $10 million, 50,000 sq ft, solar-powered personal mosque in Malibu, where she'll live with 72 imams and issue fatwahs on a daily basis about Republican politicians in California.
After his divorce, Antonio Banderas will convert to Islam and marry Deeya in the most lavish wedding ceremony in Malibu history. The guest list will include Madonna, JLo, Lil Kim, Rosie O'Donnell, Brian Williams, Keith Olbermann, Johnny Depp, Sharon Stone, Oprah, and, of course, Barbra Streisand, who will sing "Memories" at the reception.
She will be the keynote speaker at the 2012 Democratic National Convention, where she will blame the Republican Party and the Zionist state for America's humiliating defeat in Iraq and the subsequent thousands of American civilian casualties who perished in the tragic Chicago explosion. She will be mentioned as a possible vice-presidential candidate.
But instead, she will go back to Malibu with Antonio because she is about to have a baby. Whom she will name Latanya if it's a girl. And Fidel if it's a boy.
A typical American success story. We can't wait.