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Friday, October 13, 2006

The Friday Follies

What would Jason do?

TGIF. It's Friday the Thirteenth. Maybe that's why Air America is finally going belly up. It's a special kind of folly to spend millions of dollars trying to prove that the dumbest, dimmest creature at the party is amusing enough to listen to on the radio day after day after day after day... It makes you wonder, what kind of punishment would Jason mete out for such an offense? I mean, apart from the obvious instant justice of a knife in the gizzard. Wouldn't he, maybe, arrange for the creature to be elected to the U.S. Senate, from some dumb state like Minnesota, just in time for endless nationally televised hearings about the illegal financing of the nation's worst talk radio network? Sounds good to me.

I'm getting into the Jason frame of mind.  It feels good. Simplicity. No nuances. For example, ordinarily I'd be reluctantly rooting for the National League to win the World Series and pay down their huge ongoing humiliation by the Junior Circuit. But guess what? This year, I'm a Detroit fan. Screw New York. The Yankees AND the Mets. They're the rich bitch skinny-dipping in the lake with the slut quarterback. Whatever happens to them is okay with me. Virtue is obviously on the side of the team that so spontaneously celebrated their playoff victory with their own fans, as if they actually cared about all those working class stiffs who don't make a million bucks for looking at a month of called third strikes. More power to them. Maybe next year I'll regain my sense of historical context about the designated hitter rule that has magnetized all the great lazy pitchers into the American League and destroyed the national pastime, but this year I'm a Motown guy in a hockey mask. Go, Tigers!

And while we're on the subject of simple justice, I'll concede I can't wait for the Democrats to win the November election and control both houses of Congress. Think about it. Senate Majority leader Harry "Snopes" Reid. Speaker of the House Nancy "Nip/Tuck" Pelosi. They'll have two years to torture the American public with attempts to impeach GWB and eviscerate the GWOT, while doing absolutely nothing about Iran, North Korea, and France. They'll be lucky not to lose every single seat in the House and Senate in 2008. This is the real Karl Rove plot. It takes a Jason to understand his kind of genius.

What else? Yeah. Snow. Earliest on record in Detroit, New York and Chicago? I'm dying of suspense waiting to hear how the Global Warming mafia is going to prove that this is yet another symptom of how George Bush is heating up the climate. Right after that press conference, I'm going to get out my long knife and...

Well, you get the picture. Have a nice weekend.







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