Monday, March 19, 2007

The Ace of Spades Lifestyle

Junk Style

THE SALT HAS LOST ITS SAVOR. TruePunk here. What I don't get -- Michelle Malkin is such a prude her trackback function won't accept a post that uses any off-color words, including "crap" and "breasts." But her blogroll includes Protein Wisdom and actually begins with Ace of Spades. They're both gutter-mouthed adolescents. Michelle Malkin is a hypocrite.

InstaPunk goes on and on about how stupid and shallow the lefties are. I'm here to tell you that the righties aren't much better and in the case of the blogosphere, they're just about equally mediocre. Which is a shame. Political discourse in this country needs a kick in the pants. All it's getting from the most popular righty bloggers is a knee to the groin.

Michelle Malkin works hard, but she can't think, and her sense of humor adds up to exactly zero. (If you don't believe me, go look at her pitiful performance art at HotAir. Nice looking, but not funny. At all.) Jeff Goldstein of Protein Wisdom posts a billion words a day, but he can't write. Every comment thread includes a complaint about his endless sentences. He laughs it off every time because he's got the half-smart knowledge that many good writers do produce long sentences, which even leads him to congratulate himself for being more literate than the complainers. But he also has a convenient (and more than half-dumb) blindness that prevents him from perceiving his complainers have a point. You can diagram his long sentences and verify their grammatical correctness, but there's no tool besides judgment capable of revealing that his paragraphs are stuffed with redundancies and inflated with verbose rhetorical flourishes designed to conceal the slightness of his insights. Remove all his purple references to penises, and he's little more than a long-winded bore.

And then there's Ace of Spades. He's an exponent of what he calls the "Ace of Spades Lifestyle," which is magnetically attractive to cow-college political conservatives who are part-time drunks and full-time porn addicts. Ace is so popular he actually makes a living from his blog. You'd think he'd have the time to proofread his posts. But he doesn't. He's so busy generating vapid bullshit that he feels entitled to boast about his bad grammar and worse spelling, taking it as common knowledge that these lowly attainments consume additional time that just isn't available to a VIB (Very Important Blogger).

Well, Ace of Spades is a fraud. It does not take much time at all for a literate person to write correct sentences without missing words and lunkheaded misspellings. But Ace of Spades is not a literate person. He's not even what he most prides himself on being, a politically incorrect freethinker. He's far less a pirate than a conventional and utterly unoriginal cartoon dude. His idea of a piratical punchline is to repeat anti-gay cliches couched in the leaden irony of the fact that he's not really anti-gay. In fact, he's not really much of anything he plays at being. He's not a critic of pop culture; he's simply one more of its creatures, captivated by bad movies and worthless celebrities who aren't interesting at all. He's not a political philosopher; he's an illustration of just how ignorant young people are of history, religion, and ideology. He's not a male chauvinist; he's the inevitable by-product of a generation of feminism -- a crude-mouthed macho blowhard who nevertheless accepts the premise that despite 5,000 years of nonperformance, women are basically as capable and creative as men. Maybe that's why Michelle Malkin retains him on her blogroll. She'd no doubt love the buccaneering entry today musing about why it is that women laugh sooner and oftener than men when someone is trying to be funny.

Women don't seem to laugh much more at tv shows or movies (maybe they even laugh less at that), but do seem to laugh more at humor in real-life humor situations.

I don't know why this is myself. But, taking a few guesses:

1. As a rule, women simply find particularly-male humor funnier than men find particularly-female humor.

2. Women have an innate giggle-reaction in socially awkward situations to reduce tension. It's not so much they try to laugh to relieve social awkwardness; they just do. So a joke made, bad or not, is either going to get a laugh because it's funny or because it's unfunny and laughter is a nice way to conceal the awkwardness of a bad joke.

3. Men don't laugh at each other's jokes as much do to learned behavior of social competition. Giving another guy a laugh is giving him a small amount of credit in a social competition, and men have been conditioned not to do so. I know a lot of funny guys and, mostly, getting a laugh out of them is difficult -- partly because they just seem to not want to laugh, and when they do, there's a bit of a "Okay, you got me, I didn't want to, but you managed it" submission to a joke.

I do that a bit myself. A joke from a guy not only has to be funny in the first place, it has to be funny enough to overcome my egotistical reluctance to give someone else his props. Especially when it's a guy, but that trained behavior carries over to jokes made by women as well.

Women don't consider funniness an important attractor of the opposite sex, so they don't have the conditioned reluctance to laugh at each other's jokes or to men's, either. They don't mind laughing at a fellow female joke-teller because they haven't been conditioned to find anything threatening, in a social-competition regard, from a funny girl. And so they don't have that conditioned response to male humor, either (and, in fact, there's probably a bit of conditioning to laugh at men trying to be funny, because men like women they can make laugh).

4. Girls just have the giggles. That simple.

The thing about women deciding to laugh is silly, because real laughs are involuntary. Women do fake-laugh more than guys, but their hearts are usually not in it, and whether or not these little chuckle-sluts have managed to convincingly fake an orgasm, none has managed to convincingly fake a genuine laugh.

Pirate, my ass. Ace of Spades is a pussy-whipped moron who believes in his heart of hearts all of the propaganda we've heard over the last 30 years about the innate social and emotional superiority of women. He believes it because he's an emotional (and intellectual) dwarf himself. Problem is, that's the only part of the equation he's got right.

Women laugh early and often because they don't really have a sense of humor. They have learned (i.e., decided) to laugh in the vicinity of jokes they don't really understand. They are attracted to men who are funny, which they correctly read as an indicator of power, because it gives a man dominance when other men laugh at his jokes. (Also, except for AoS, men do not hoard their laughter; when something's funny they laugh, without a thought about sexual competition.) And, yes, there is absolutely no question about the fact that men are funnier than women. Female comedians are always playing a part, earning laughs from those who recognize the accuracy of their performance. Male comedians are trenchant observers of the absurdities in life, making us see the familiar in unfamiliar and illuminating ways.

The Ace of Spades lifestyle is a total dead end. Men who are men all know what Ace never will. Look for the one woman in a hundred who really does have a sense of humor. Pursue her to the ends of the earth, regardless of her bust measurement, and marry her. Chances are, she won't think the Three Stooges are funny, but she's actually right about that. They're not. Girls may giggle. That's their fatal flaw. Too many men confuse their appetite for the grossness of fart jokes and Benny Hill tit skits for real humor. That's theirs.

The blogosphere needs a house cleaning. The left doesn't know where to start. But thanks to me, the right has a chance to get the job underway.

UPDATE. InstaPunk here. Apologies for permitting TruePunk to slip his leash again, but I have to admit he has a point this time. On the topic of men being funny, it's hard not to give you a contemporary example. Wuzzadem. And it's impossible not to make mention of the William Butler Yeats/James Joyce of stand-up, the absolute genius who calls himself Dylan Moran. Here's a taste, but if you're worth anything you'll go to YouTube yourself and watch every scrap you can find of a comic funnier and more brilliant than any female who has ever stood at a microphone for the purpose of making us laugh. (And by all means, study the women in the audience. They're laughing all right, but they don't understand a word he's saying, yet they laugh and laugh and laugh because they know he is funny, and they wish like anything they could figure out why.)

Thank you. Come back when your sides stop hurting.

UPDATE 2. Mrs. IP objected to the categorization of female comedians and offers this as rebuttal. But I don't think she's making the point.

But what do you think?

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